KL Stay

After 3 days stay in KL, I'm back home again. Thank god water supply is back in Muar too.

* AIkz, luck really wasn't with me throughout this trip. *

Went to UH bookstore to get medics book. The salesgirl happily show me the book I was looking for but told me later that no book is allowed to be purchased as they are doing all the stock-checking and if I want to buy, please come back again on 3rd Jan. WTH! Can see the book cannot buy??

Didn't get to shop AT ALL. Megasales is on k but I ended up home without any shopping bag except a sunglasses I accidentally came across at a small shop. What am I gotta do now with my longgg shopping list... -_-

Came across a mad people and got molested. @$#%@*%& WTH! Not going to say much on this traumatising experience. =(

Okie okie... forget about all the unpleasant stuffs.

The stay was indeed good for the company was great. Vincent was playing a good host. Thanks for entertaining and keeping me occupied despite your busier-than-dog 's schedule. As for others, thanks a lot for the time spared and you guys had gave me a wonderful holiday.

Food was nice. Places were good. So glad I get to talk to you people.
Think the amount I talked in these 3 days was way more than
I did in Edinburgh for the past 3 months.

~~~~~~

Everyone seems to know their lifegoals as well as ways to get them achieved. In front of people like this, feelilng unusually inferior I was brought to wonder, 'What about mine?' 'What I want in life?' 'What am I doing?' .

Because of you of whom doesn't really belong to my world, I chose to give my own thoughts up and seek comfort in your arms. Despite the fact that you're completely out from my world now being a hard one to learn, I still have to accept. Although still being not entirely clear with what am I seeking for in life, it's time to start thinking. Think it isn't merely obtaining a degree from med school and becoming a doctor eventually, gotta be something more than this.

* This morning when browsing through edin's ppl blog weirdly, I have a feeling of reluctance to go back. Hate those days with not many people I can turn to and ended up talking to this blog,

meals with bread-pizza-pasta-salad-soup, people that irritate me, the depressing weather, ..... etc etc.

ps: left my cam at home! No pics taken... arghhh =(

I need to get better

I know I shouldn't be thinking anymore. Everything is over. But I can't help. It's like seeing myself helplessly sinking into the bottomless pit yet finding no rope within sights to grab. Now I understand why people say certain scenes can remind of certain people. So true.

When I was in the UK, I always thought I can heal better and forget faster if I could come home. For lots of frenz supports are here. In fact, not really.

This place is saturated with memories. Of you and me.

I do try hard to refrain myself from thinking, but each time those memories will just creep in and make me feel like collapsing.

Maybe I should not come back this often. At least not till I can sort of put things behind or heal myself better. I gotta admit that each time, I come back with hopes. Sometimes deep down I don't udnerstand why am I still keeping these hopes alive since eveyrthing is practically over. Waiting and expecting will just end up with frustration and disappointment.

You're like a drug. I am heavily addicted.

Christmas Survivor Challenge

Many cities in Johor has been flooded. But thank god, muar isn't.

Days aren't good either without drinking water. It has been several days since water supply is stopped and rumuors say electric supply will be cut off at 8.00 pm.

I'm blogging now at 7.53 pm, apparently sitting in front of computer waiting for the time to come. This feeling is scary. I have no idea of when will I get surrounded by complete darkness.

If I have not come back blogging within a few days, then the rumuors must be true. No water, no electricity. I will be officially undergoing this christmas season survivor challenge.

I'm not asking for more...

If blog can ever talk, probably mine will start complaining about it's bad master who only drop by when she has complaints or craps to spit out, yet happily forget about its existence in her joyful moments.

But seriously with the food so nice, company so great and home so comfy, there isn't any reason for me to complain. World is somehow normal again and once more I'm myself. Never did I feel like appreciating home so much.

I suppose living in uk is stressful. Basic things like fingers start cracking and bleeding if moisturiser was forgotten or hair look like bushes if conditioner has ranout, are hardly any problem back home. Not to mention when it comes to exam stress, seeing irritating people, feeling the cold or made felt like a dummy. Living with friends is never an easy matter but I suppose it can be easier to start off with people who are totally strangers at the beginning.

On a joyful note, christmas is coming. Whee!!! =) Hopes and wishes should be kept alive. And perhaps, feel a little bit overjoyed with getting 600euro compensated for volunteer who denies flight boarding and doesn't mind reaching home a day later. =)

Paper today

Simply write down some crap. Not knowing where am I heading to, just write without giving much thoughts. Didn't even process the information given. I thought I got no time to finish. Ended up it was me who read the time wrongly. Half an hour extra in the end. So what? Expect me to write everything again? Edit them when I don't even feel like reading my own writing? Leave it, I decided.

Worst thing is, I thought I answered one question quite well, but what? End up I was the utmost wrong case. I was demoralized, seriously. Exam hall was freezing cold and I was shivering most of the time. Not sure if it's the fear or the cold actually. Whateverrr. Couldn't care less. I just want to go home. I don't want to see anyone. I don't feel like talking. Leave me alone.

I told someone.

'I almost cried in the exam hall... '

'then? Did you? No? why don't you cry then?'

'I feel so stupid'

'you are always stupid mah...'

'why can't I answer those questions?'

'you said you are stupid what.'

'I really don't know why....how come I cannot do one? :( '

'don't worry la, not your fault, maybe you went wrongly to the

vet med paper?'

Only angel can make me smile with those stupid crap :)

Home Sweet Home

I'm always someone who is easily defeated and not determined. Coming to think about having faith in dreams? Nah, sound so stupid! If it is not happening now means it never will....

Recently, I was convinced that this was not the entire case. I came to realise one fact. Having dreams in heart is like planting seeds in soil. Might not blossom right immediately however, given the right timing and conditions, it will. As long as the faith is still there and the will to make it happen hasn't fade away yet. So I was wondering if things don't happen the ways we want it now, could it simply mean the timing isn't good enough? Will the effort of sincerely waiting well paid off one day? Not sure. Let's wait and see then. =)

On a happier note, term is ending! Yes, it is. In 5, nonono, 4 days time to be exact.

I'M GOING HOME!

I reckon this will be my best christmas treat after stressing myself out here for a term. Despite the fact that I have not come out with any thorough plan for christmas yet, there are a few things I would be up to back home. Hehe.

1. See my baby sisters, enjoy mummy daddy pampering, get sisters do everything for me (evil me)

2. eat mee hun kuey, char keow teoy, char kuey, ais kacang, mee goreng, duck rice, mee pok, dimsum, bubble tea, satay, doujiangyoutiao, yam ring.... the list goes on by itself. be prepared to see a fatter me one month later.

3. Visit singapore. Attend a wedding. Spend christmas with yuqing & gang. BBQ at some coasts?

4. Go KL. Not for shopping lar. Gotta repair my 1 yr underuse mp3 player & meet Yesong and gf.

5. Reunion with high school gang. YingJie and Huisan get ready k. Erm, maybe go Langkawi? Erm..we shall see how lar.

6. David's private postman. I'm putting this here to remind myself. Hopefully I don't forget.

7. Meeting with people who will be in Muar by then. Vincent, MingFei, MingWei, Kokchuan, Yafu

and hopefully the particular someone *wonder if you'll be free for a meet up*

Btw, shouldn't be blogging here. As you can see my exam is not over yet, to be exact it has not even started. But I'm simply overjoyed with the thoughts of events awaiting back home.

I should start packing... =)

Wild thoughts

These are things the soundtrack of 'How to lose a guy in 10 days' named 'somebody like you' by Keith Urban makes me feel like doing. Mv available at musics sidebar. To Piyo: Stop being blind. =P

Travel somewhere with cactuses and jeeps and texas-like sceneries in backdrop

watch sun shining bright at the skyline

stay in resthouse with some old keepers wearing hawaii shirt waiting at the bar

play a guitar sing along with a band *jenn, guess who this guy is? :P*

then, drive along a cliff with strong wind blowing

and couldn't care less for what is going on ...

What if I become a cowboy one day? ^grinz^.

Guess most likely I'm suffering from freedom-deficiency-seasonal-associated-depression syndrome after being nocturnal creature in my room for the past 2 weeks. And I thought it would be good today to stay up untill morning and watch the sunrise. Never thought I can be this phototropism for I always thought vampire's life would have suit me better, as basically everyone who lives close to me would have agreed that I am becoming hyper only when it's getting nearer to my sleeping time.

Oh well, I'm done with breakfast. Time to head off for work again continuing with colon cancer pictures... :(

A Dream

Last night I dreamt of him. It was a long long dream...

of we holding hands again;

of me throwing tantrums and he of course, ignore me like usual;

of he telling me not to worry too much about life;

of .....what else? let me think, hmmm... I can't remember.

Nah, it doesn't matter, just a dream.

This time unlike before, I woke up feeling exceptionally calm and
I smiled :)

Big Regrets

Mummy,

I wish I am 7, back to those primary school days when I have you by my side, telling me before exams not to worry as things will be okay.

You will not be happy if you see me waking up at 3pm to watch the sun set again and going to bed at 6 in the morning. I know I shouldn't have left everything till this last minute. I thought I would not repeat these again this sem. If I were to revise earlier...

I've decided to be a Nerd starting next sem. Do my work consistently, revise lectures everyday and sleep early. Wish me luck.

While I should be studying

Nothing particular to write about actually. Just thought that today might be worth noting down since it was my first patient case presentation. I was quite bothered by the thought that I have to do this in front of my EVIL GP. Albeit it was way from an impressive presentation, I thought nothing went too wrong fortunately. =) , can never imagine myself presenting in front of people with my bad English ...

I start to like my getting-less-evil GP. Today her feedback said, even though Shi needs more practice, generally she was okay, confident, fluent and convincing. Whee!~ ^_^

I know I ain't that good in real context, but I would want to work it. All thanks to her reverse psychology thing. Hopefully next year I can go into the practice with better confidence. =P

Have been trying to keep myself away from blogging, should be concentrating on the remaining 30 lecture notes instead, aiKz. But, never mind la, I would still want today to be remembered as a good day. =)

When I don't have to rush

Instead of drunkards' cursing, singing and yelling,

I hear school kids chatting, laughing and running for bus.

~~~~~

Instead of searching kitchen for midnight supper, I make a hearty breakfast.

Favourite half-boiled eggs, hot chocolate and Matt-style sandwiches.

~~~~~

Instead of going to bed at dawn,

I see med school 's watchman switching on lights right opposite.

~~~~~

Instead of staring into complete darkness outside the window,

I see sun slowly rising. ^_^

Woke up surprisingly early this morning at 5am. Got out from bed, did abit of revision and PBL work, showered at 8.30 and leave for lecture at 8.50am. Day feels good and PBL went unexpectedly well. In this last PBL session of the year, for the first time I find I like everyone in the group. Sporty Suzzie, late-comer Chris, humourous Charlie, steady Penny, quiet Meera, shy Andrew, squeaky Carol, aggresive David, and kind Sarah... Although I ain't close to them still after one whole sem of pbl-ing, I did actually enjoy being with them. =)

Leave me alone

Can people stop messaging me nonsense like these:

'do you know where your flatmate is? I can't get them...' but;

'can I go over later to get stuff from your flatmatE?' and;

'can you stay in and open door for me when I go over?'

C'mon! Can you PLEASE ask my flatmate directly? I'm NOT their personal assistant or what, if you can't get them, don't bother borrowing stuffs then! I come online on msn not to deal with their daily schedules and to tell you when are they going to be in, God knows... and if I don't reply you, Stop nudging me! You wouldn't want to see me start scolding people.

Sorry. Please bear with me. I know these are small matters, it's just me being grumpy. Pardon people who try to get their sleep cycle right yet things don't seems to work whilst exam is getting nearer.

On a better note, I feel particularly inferior today after clinics. Seems like many people out there are bravely fighting against major life-threatening problems, simply to live on. Whereas me still grieving over the minor past and not picking myself up. Of a sudden, I feel I should at least, be grateful with things I have now.

Just to mention, in clinics today:

- I interviewed a 52-yrs-old man who apparently can swim 150 laps a week. Woah!

- For the first time, we practise blood taking on each other. My partner poke me, happily wiggling the needle beneath my skin; still, no blood came out. Boo! & Ouch! :-(

Proudly present to you

You might think something is different in this page today. =P

YES, you are right!~

TADA! Hehe. As you can see, this blog has obviously undergone some changes and this is what yours truly have been spending one whole day on, Cis! Should be studying neurology and gastroenterology instead. But never mind, what's done is done, can't turn back the time.

Come, let me introduce you these 'great' efforts of mine. =) New features include:

1) "I am..." :

Updates of my current status. Mainly of thoughts that most occupy my mind recently.

2) Musics:

Finally! It's soo difficult to post up chinese songs. Although only limited choices available at the moment due to slight technical problems, still hope you enjoy them. There are my favourites! =)

3) Favorit:

Latest pics of me!!

~ Favorit is a cafe selling yummy Ben&Jerry waffles downstairs of which I enjoy spending my spare times at.

~ Purpose of having this section is actually to enable my stupid sister to recognise my 'continuously-growing-rounder' face the next time she sees me in airport.

So, hope you enjoy yourself here reading my daily complaints. Blogger's new template seems quite fun to play with. Can't believe I'd spent whole day doing these.

p/s: It's 3.51 am now. I'm not sleeping today. Hopefully it helps restore my sleep-wake cycle to normal again. Don't want to wake up at 3pm and have breakfast at 5pm anymore like today.

Alamak!

GOSH!!!!

Phone bill this month makes me jump man!

Aikz. Ever since Sept, by reasons of great tempt from cashback deals and fun of collecting, had got myself 3 phones (with 1000 free minutes per month to call home). Simply to make my life easier without the hassles of carrying 3 phones around, smartly, I make use of calls diverting function so that calls to any of my 3 numbers will automatically be diverted to just one phone.

Naively, all these while I thought calls diverting is free of charge as it only makes the caller calls another number automatically. Apparently I am so wrong! All diverted calls are charged on my bills!!!

Haiz, at the end of the day, I manage to figure out how it works. The concept goes like this: I have 3 lines, A, B & C. All calls to A & B are diverted to C. If someone calls A, instead of making the person calls C automatically, it simply makes my phone A calls C automatically. And of course, calling from A to C is charged on my own bills. GeRaM...!!!

p/s: oh yeah, apart from that, HAPPY BIRTHDAY YINGJIE!

don't know if ur internet connection allows you to read this =P ; but still, May many happy returns, stay young stay cheerful, all the best to you blah blah blah... and the fact is, we are all OLD now.=)

I am doing fine

Jenn was right. Healing always slowed by avoidance and sped up by acceptance. I am accepting...

A few hours ago, I was mourning, upsetting, even crying. The post before this explains everything.

But,

That shouldn't be the way I live my life

If I were to posses the determination to have loved you this long, I'm sure the same determination can take me through in giving you up and wishing you (with her) all the best with all I can. Also, live my life well without your presence.

Went gym today. Surprising huh! Can't believe I actually jog non stop on treadmill for an hour. Now I know I can whenever I am determined...

~ This will be the last time I shed tears for you. ~

~This is a decision I myself made this March.~

~This is what we hope for when waving each other goodbye -

a better future with the presence of a more suitable person. ~

~Although the hand you are holding now isn't mine anymore,

with no regreats I'm glad we once held each other's. ~

The cold doesn't go away...

Feels unusually cold today.

Drank a cup of hot cereal, ate my favourite half-boiled eggs

despite with scarfs and layers of clothes, even with socks on feet, I'm still freezing.

The cold doesn't go away, my body isn't warming up.

Glutamate controls memory, Serotonin controls mood and behaviour, CRH affects gastrointestinal tract normalities, 7th cranial nerves stimulates tear glands....what am I talking. I wish I've glutamate deficiency to forget, serotonin overdose to cheer up, 7th cranial nerves palsy to not shed tears, CRH antagonist to restore appetite.....

Are you telling a truth? Please say no....

Awaiting the beautiful, expensive, and cold

Hehe, unlike normal clinical practice Tuesdays of which I either come home dismayed or depressed, today I am happy.

Bet she never know how her abnormally encouraging attitudes today has made all 5 of us in the group happy like small kids treated with sweets. =)

Oddly, today my Evil GP is not sarcastic, discouraging nor unpredictable. She smiles pretty normal. It's not that she's like a stone never smile, just often doesn't smile at the right time nor with the right tone. Trust me, most of the time, I rather she shouts at me than 'smiles'. At least I will know what I've done wrongly with my patient's checkup.

I supposed she has good intentions always. We found out today she has no kids albeit married. Maybe she is just not good at dealing with kids and saying encouraging lines like:

'it's ok, don't worry', 'come, try it again', 'you are doing well enough',

like how daddy mummy used to tell us at age of 5 or 6. Shouldn't hate her so much afterall.

On an even happier note, hehe, I'm going to Oslo! A city Swiss bank awarded with the honor of being the most expensive city in the world and having the most expensive food in Europe.

Wonder how I will be freezing in a land with an average temperature of -6.8°C... so crazy lar!~

I just hate....

Today, everything is just wrong. I hate many feelings that arise, and I hate myself because of them.

I hate sleeping late and waking up at the wrong time. And my whole day plan just gone.

I hate stoning in front of computer wasting hours doing nothing.

I hate staring at one note for many hours and still not getting them into my head.

I hate procrastinating and having an unvacumned room for days and sights of numerous unknown dust on the carpet.

I hate opening the fridge to find nothing appetising nor edible.

I hate going into a kitchen with no plate or bowl available for a meal.

I hate feeling cold in the room alone and the house being empty.

I hate seeing many phones sitting on table yet no one to call.

I hate coming home with shopping bags and have only walls to share my joys and excitements.

I hate when halfway bathing, coldwater start running down my head.

I hate myself of waiting for your message.

I hate people of not believing when I am telling truths, or simply answer with a 'Orh, IS IT?', or 'SO what?'.

I hate people who actually say 'yes, yes, yes...' in front and do things totally opposite right after. Hypocrite.

I hate people who can't differentiate a joke from normal conversations and even worse, expecting my serious explanations afterthat.

I hate people who always think they are right and why must they believe in others.

I hate people with no gut to own up their own acts.

I hate looking at tonnes of notes instead of knowing what they say, comtemplating of where my motivation has gone to....

What has happened to me? I don't know. Could it be simple pms-ing or I am losing my head?

I start missing home. I want mummy, daddy and my sisters. I don't want to live here alone.

17/11 - 13/12

It's exams preparation season again. Times where everyone starts to get busy at home stressing out with notes and distances from others. I hate this feeling. Hope to have someone to talk to yet no one is here to listen.

Emotionally dependent on a person is always not secure. Especially when I don't know if I am being overdependent or what. Having an activity partner is always fun, yet no when starts feeling uncertain of if there is anything going on beyond that point. I hope not.

Exam is near but where is my motivations to study? Guess I have lost them all long ago. But, I do hope it comes back when I need it. Less than 1 month to master 60 lectures. That is like 3 lectures a day. And one lecture covers like what, 40 pages in a normal book. Bet even scanning machine can't do as fast.

Are these because of you?

Feeling lost, confused, puzzled and guilt-ridden.

Stubbornly, I refuse to admit anything, not even to myself. All I've been doing is telling myself that I hope I don't, because I know I shouldn't. People behaves funnily. Doing things which they clearly know is wrong yet helplessly falling into the trap.

Occupied

Time seems to carry no meaning when there are many things to do everyday. In a hectic schedule, sleep without the need to set alarm clock for the next day is simply rewarding.

Despite busy, days are however fulfilling. I start to
- play golf. I somehow find the beginning posture looks like a standing method to sh*t.

- iron clothes for a family on a fortnight basis. Can't believe this can be my money earning method. Luckily I didn't burn anything yet since I'd never even iron my own clothes before.

- be organised by actually plan a to-do list everyday and tick them off one by one.

- study musical symbols. Matthew (my flatmate) is keen to get me on both piano and violin.

- try out drinks in bar. Clubs or pubs here are just like our cafe back home, nothing more than a socialising ground or places for society meetings.

- take blood from patient.

We were taught to be 'caring' (haiz, just long winded la) here. They are keen to ask the patient 'Are you happy with me doing this or that on you?', 'Is it alright if I poke the needle in now?, ' Is this position comfortable for your arm or you would like to change it?' ... yada yada yada. Whereas back home, a nurse just take a needle poke in your vein and sometimes not even apologize when blood is spilt all over the bed. Most of the time, I am more nervous than patients.

I somehow feel that I have got many things in mind I want to do , but if I don't try them now, I probably wouldn't have the chance in the future. All life will eventually come to an end one day, I can live young only once. So why not today. And if I have the chance to try, why not my best. Who knows if this is the only chance.

Hopefully I don't end up blindly seeking temporal pleasure and entertainment and feel empty at the end of the day. Satisfaction in life and sense of achievement should come from deep down inside bottom of the heart.

Sneaker

Today is gladdening. Nothing out-of-routine happened. A pair of sneaker simply makes me feel good.

Am glad that I finally got something I'd always wanted. Another pair of green shoes. =D Can't believe I'm so into green these days after green duvet cover & pillowcase.

Am glad that I can stop worrying about falling down on slippery streets. For all you know, Edinburgh rains often and I'm clumsy.

Am glad I can stop thinking of getting my heel's soles stucked in between bricks and where to get worn out heel's soles rubber replaced. Many roads here, instead of cements, are laid with bricks.

Am glad that my jeans bottom can stop rubbing against the ground. Mummy isn't here to sew it for me and by paying 10pounds for the shop to do so, I would rather take 70 ringgit to buy a new one back home.

Am glad that every morning I can stay longer in bed since running to lectures no longer a problem

Can't recall when was the last time I wear a sneaker after high school days but all I know is I feel like walking everywhere now!

Weekend comes finally, but don't think I'll have much time to rest.

Dice night

This evening, a friend corrected my mistake for saying mooncake festival instead of Mid-autumn festival. To my astonishment, I never thought I can actually forget a word that has been with me for more than 20 years. I guess that's common among people who has been living faraway from home and own culture. =)

The celebration here was bigger than I thought. 3 main Asians societies combined and held a big event, but weirdly, in a church. It was an enjoyable night though, with an interesting dice game I seen only once in Pirates of Carribean. Their punishment for loser was a highlight. It's something that got me absolutely amazed. It was a liquid that smelled like kerosin in a green bottle with printed mandarin characters indicating 55% of alcohol. Goodness, that's worse than Whiskey's 40%.

Tempted to play, I started. Unfortunately, luck wasn't on my side. Counting odds and probabilities isn't my field too. Not only did I lose badly, also got forced to swallow that awful drink for many rounds. Bleeuek!~ Luckily, my very kind si-fu, Vince drank them all for me. Hehe. Towards the end, we weren't losing anymore but poor him, I guess he was too drunk to go home.

Think my flat too will soon have some dice to play with since Pei's addicted and is quite inspired to buy them. Hehe, it's really a great fun!

Many feelings are buried deep down inside most of the time. Sometimes for too long till their existence have been forgotten. Not until one day, when certain familiar settings come in and make it resurface again, only did one realise how long it had been left untouched.

BeautifuL

I AM SOOOOO HAPPY !!!

10 minutes ago, I placed an order on Samsung E900, Finally! Hopefully it gets dispatched in less than 3 hours so I can get it in 2 days time. Can't believe I'm going to hold it in hand soon! Hehe. Wonder how does a touch-sensitive keypad feels like. :p

It feels good and right after such a long wait. It's like recovering a piece of long lost precious of which I thought I'll never see again. Although it isn't exactly what I want, but am already satisfied. Life isn't always a smooth sailing I guess, yet definitely worth waiting . I shall feel contented and not to demand anymore.

Hopefully it is a good start again for our friendship. Thanks for your forgiveness and acceptance once again. You just don't know how much the few words you said this morning have brightened up my day. It does seems like lots of things are fated. Maybe I shall have faith in fate once again.

Happy Birthday Dearie!

Finally, my blur Piyo Queen turns 21. :p

How does becoming an adult feel like? Tell me soon k.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, someone is going to graduate soon next year. Hehe, I shall now start to think up what to eat for the big treat you gonna give after getting your first pay! Can't believe you eventually chose to be an accountant and me, a doctor. I still remember when we were like 13 or 14 yrs old, I always wanted to be a business woman and you, were so inspired becoming a gynae. Time really flies eH!~

Everything was once new and exciting, and I bet there still are, but not the same anymore as how we would had perceived last time. So many things happened over years and together we went through uncountable ups and downs. Thaanks a lot for being there all the while. There are certain things we just understood over time, and there are also things we learnt through the hard way. And you know what, I actually admire you a lot for your confidence, rational mind, cuteness, enthusiasm, kindness and thoughtfulness.

Dearie ar, you have been living 21 years of beautiful life and there are a lot more ahead awaiting ya. And I would like to give you my best wishes in your future undertakings. Miss & love ya SooOoOo muCh.

And again, Happy BirThday GaL !

> 127日

不知不觉已经那么久

我待在这没有你的冰河期中

即使回忆不断在重播 已经冻结的爱也不会再暖和

把 '我很好' 说得从容 心就必须言不由衷

我犹豫着还要不要承认 我放不开手

127日的分手就有127颗心在痛

一天一点让后悔教会 我怎么能够忽略你感受

你用多少眼泪才找到离开我的理由

也许一直容忍的都是你因为温柔而为我犯下的错

眼中只有你美丽身影 耳朵只搜寻所有关于你的消息

就算我已经往前走 我也徘徊在所有美好往事左右

我的心已死好久它失去了生存的理由

就在你不再爱我了那一天停止跳动

127日的分手就有127颗心在痛

一天一点让后悔教会 我怎么能够忽略你感受

你用多少眼泪才找到离开我的理由

也许一直容忍的都是你因为温柔而为我犯下的错

Then baby,how we end up here you know it's funny

I just miss you so much

I still remember holding you kissing you

I wish I could just see you right now lying in my arms

Maybe I'm waiting for you

I love you

127日的分手留下一个好想你的我

一天一年让时间证明

忘记你是我做的假动作

我用了多少寂寞了解你离开的理由

我没有能挽回你的权利

除非你能了解我心有多痛

Back, AgaiN!~

Just realised I haven't been updating my blog for quite some times already. Didn't wanted to abandon it intentionally, but particularly find nothing to put in here ever since....

Have been back here for 2 weeks already. Life is just as normal as last year. Moved into new flat and yeah, it's sort of nice, at least better than last year's. Stay with 2 Malaysians, of whom I live with for almost 24/7, since we are classmates too. Not too much of privacy anymore. Guess I'm just so scorpio that I love privacy so much to the extend that sometimes I don't seems to mind living in solitude.

Lots of freshers here this year including the juniors and transferred students, many chinese too. Can't seems to find the right mood to mingle around. Just don't really like going to certain events whereby you are supposed to introduce yourself and know more people and after that, don't really remember who is who.

Oh well, think I have just complained too much. On a happier note, in fact living in a sort of permanent flat with no worries of shifting house again for the next 4 years is rather good for I can actually buy lots of stuffs I like to decorate my room. Hehe. Bought a green-blue-purple theme for my room and haha, I've now got a summer in my room during winter, and I'm planning to put up a winter in my room during spring time. =) I know it sounds a bit stupid but nowadays, I seems to find my own entertainment in decorating household. And because of that, Jenn was telling me I'm becoming more and more housewifey, hmmm..... =p

Life really gotta moves on, and my life moves on here in Edinburgh, with daily joys and sorrows, yet without the one I would like to share all these with anymore. How are you recently?

9/9

Last year, this day, hecticly, anxiously and elevenhourly, went all da way to KLIA and left for the boring-yet-scenically-gorgeous Edinburgh, leaving behind family, frenZ, lover-ed (past tense I mean), nice weather, yummy foods ... etc.

Today, will be leaving this land soon again for the 3rd times, yet I'm completely slacking all along leaving behind stuffs un-buy, food un-eat, dishes un-learn, luggage un-pack ... etc. What a contrast.

4 months of summer hoLs! Being the earliest to come back and the latest to leave as usual, strangely however, I don't anyhow feel I'd already live here for 4 months, more like 2 mths instead. Guess most of my days were spent pigging oiNk-oInK away. NOt a productive hols, I know....

.

I'm not complaining though, for da lessons I'd been through, either bitter or sweet, were all too precious and worthwhile to be kept for life. Life moves on, people come, people leave. Some leave without a word, some leave expecting a word from you, some don't even notice they are leaving, some leave without having a choice (my deepest condolences to my cousin's family with 3 demises recently). Fate decides it all. Things always change too soon before our realisation. Like some parents leave before their child know how to behave, lover leave before we show them how much we have for them in heart, friends leave before we can laugh our heart out together (wish a fren well who'd been diagnosed with cancer last week).

I begin to appreciate a never outdated law religion has taught us

"live life to the fullest, be thankful, and do cherish for all we have today,

leave tomorrow in God's hand, with faith." .... =)

Ohh ya...I learn something interesting today!

If any of you still remember, in chinese culture, crow is always been intepreted as a bad omen whereas a swallow is regarded highly as a sign of prosperity and happiness. In chinese weddings, people like to put swallow emboideries on like pillow case or bedsheet to symbolise long lasting happiness wishes to the newly wed couple. However, things turn otherwise in scientist's eyes. Crow is proven the most filial birds for they bring food back to feed their aged parents in the nest without fail, in contrast with swallow that can't wait to fly away straight after it has got wings fully developed and won't usually come back again! I thought chinese emphasise on family bonds? :p

Beyond my understanding

Life sux, especially when trying to treat closest people good, for instance

...family.

Why must you let your imagination run wild all the time and accuse me of those untrue facts?

Why must you scold like mad over one tiny mistake simply because you particularly find it offending?

Why must you lose trust ever since?

Why must you shout at and refuse to give at least a little bit of respect to yout soon-turning-21 gal?

Why must you make those silly assumptions that will never ever come true, not even in the next 100 years time?

Why don't you consider becoming a TV shows scriptwriter? You might make great fortune.

Why a place closest to heart is making me feel unappreciated, redundant, disappointed, angry, yet speechless?

These are things I can never understand nor change.

Relief

Yeaahh!! At laaaast... it's done! After much hassles since June, have finally gotten my flight ticket confirmed on the 13th of Sept. What a relief!

Seems like I got to leave again quite soon. But, no idea on how soon to be exact. Simply lazy to check da calendar and start counting down days left with to spend at home. Be mummy's pampered gal is always da best! If it weren't for her constant nagging, I wouldn't have realised, there's actually less than 3 weeks time left to pack. Hopefully SIA is more lenient on baggage weight than MAS does.

Oh yeah, I just remember! I still have got stuffs not buy yet, jeans, sneaker, badminton racket etc... How? Gotta be quick before the megasales end.

Another YEaAH!! Have gotten a stethoscope finally! Hehe. Black in color, not too special though, but still, heart gladdening. =) Wanted a silver color one, too bad Msia has only got limited choices, UK has it but too expensive. It's alright lar! Think we can't always demand things the way we want it to be, and whatever that comes always has its meanings, as long as we cherish it well and live the best out of it. Hehe, can't believe I'm going to use it soon! And hopefully, it will last long. ^_^

Oh wait, has the sales ended?

One day KL Trip

Went up this morning at 11. Too tired since couldn't sleep in the bus. PC fair in KL was really a big event. Bought altec lansing in da end. Hopefully it isn't too heavy to carry back to Edin.

Met Peipei in PC fair too. Was completely shocked by her new short haircut. She really has the courage. Gals with short hair are always confident with their features and themselves. Just like her, always take things in stride.

Think my hair indeed look messy and lifeless. Wanted to straighten and dye it since the first day I came back. Another delayed plan. Me being disorganised again. Perhaps it's me being too lazy and energyless, still reluctant to pull myself out from memories. Is it already time to move on?

Went a restaurant I used to go with the particular someone. Think we will never have the chance to sit down and have a meal together again. Can only send my best wishes from afar. Hope you have all the best you desire and remember to take care of yourself, alright? Smoke less, ok?

Haven't been to Sg Wang since last winter holidays. Bought only a top and a skirt. Wanted to get a pair of jeans but didn't see any suitable one. Some are nice, but they're either too tight, too lose, color not nice or cutting not good. Sometimes, it seems no point to buy something I don't favour that much, think I shouldn't accumulate anymore unworn pieces in my wardrobes again.

PC Fair

Finally PC fair is here after a longgg wait. Went to the much much smaller version of fair in Malacca. With only 24 vendors, it was non-comparable to the KL one featuring no less than 150 vendors in PWTC.

Given my limited computer knowledge, fortunately, this childhood fren of mine, KC came along. ThX aloT!~ He's also the one to come up with the idea of buying seperate hardwares which means we got to assemble a pc ourselves later. Haha, the idea was so fun and we ended up with lots of boxes. Just like Lego sets. =)

I almost got suffocated after we managed to squeeze through the flooding crowds! How come fresh air always inadequate at a lower level for not tall enough people. =(

Alright, grumbles aside. I was completely charmed by this Samsung 19" flat white screen. But was told both 17" and 19" screens have the same resolution power and performance wise, a 19" isn't as good as 17" since images screened will only be magnified but won't be appearing clearer. And higher resolution power only available for 20". But a 20" cost RM1300! Too expensive to afford for a monitor so I gave it up.

in the end, got myself a 17"

sOoO fun to come home with many bIg biG boxes!~ My parents who were initially expecting a pc, were obviously shocked with the sights of us two carrying so many boxes like Santa Claus . Me who apparently have no idea on how to work on those parts, can only sit aside watching KC doing the job at his full attention like a little kid being awarded a power ranger set. =)

flash wasn't well adjust, KC looked as if he's working in the dark ^_^

BUt, I wasn't free too! Was busy getting him stuffs like water, plyer, screwdrivers, torchlight, spanner..etc. Hehe, and also, taking photos.

In progress

40 minutes later.....

Tada!!! Done.
Find this casing kinda similiar to one handphone design. Is it nokia?

Used to 'hug' my old fat pc like a baby and walk 4 floors up to a shop for service everytime it broke down. The nightmare is now gone with this 'handle' built in for carrying purpose. Hehe. =)

One fine morning

Think having siblings with too wide the age gap in between could be one big problem afterall. Seeing books ranging from primary to pre-u slowly accumulating in the house, while having no reason to throw them away is simply horrfying. And seems like my parents have started on collecting books for kindergarden&babies again... *Sigh*

Babies are indeed cute and lovely. Haven't really realise this till recently, when I actually spend more time at home looking at them. Sometimes, life is taking too fast the pace like a roller coaster event; ups and downs come too quickly and before I could realise anything, before I could actually say goodbye, it was all over. Spending some times at home precipitating feelings and thoughts before proceeding onto the next event is all I need.

Woke up particularly early this morning and saw two busybodies in the garden trying to imitate mummy. Haha :p

Just woke up. The small one still holding her barbie doll in hand from bed.

Yawning...Why is this stupid camera facing me? :p

Hey, you! Plucking flowers instead of un-weeding... Kacau only.

Nah, a present for you!!!

Ouchh & Sob Sob

OuchHieee! and SoB SOb..... Today just isn't my day. Like a rolling potato, I FELL all da way DoWn from the kFC staircase, ... T_T ...

My back was sOooO painful, and for once I felt as if it had dropped off and my body had become 2 seperate segments.

One second before, Blah blah blah, I was happily talking to Vincent while walking down the steps after the satisfying kFC meals we both had craved for since last night.

However, the next second,

'Ploom ploom ploom'

I slipped at one and there the disaster took place. With my lower back, I landed on 6 or 7 steps with the impact so big that blue-blacks are now everywhere, especially elbows. Vincent wanted to catch me badly, but failed miserably, for I was rolling down at a faster speed than he could run.

Everyone along the stairs were caught in shock. Oh well, who will expect seeing a rolling screaming potato at dinner time, right? Well, they were being kind enough to make way for me after I got up. For they probably thought I might want to go hospital immediately since I looked so miserable and almost going to burst into tears! But most probably, they will burst into great laughters afterwards. I just couldn't care less. For the pain at that moment was too great , and all I could think of is to have simply an Osim chair that could offer me great massage on the spot.

One thing for sure, I'm definitely having serious staircase phobia now. NExt time, I'm going to take only escalators. Huhuhu...my back, elbows, shoulder, legs and bum are feeling soOoo painful. I don't want to suffer from concussion, or nerve dislocation, or worst still spine damage that could paralyse me.... Please... God, pls bless me!

Another Day in Sg

Resuming life back to normal again isn't easy, especially when one is too used to the 'out of normal' one.

Are human emotionally weak beings, whom always lacking the courage to carry out decisions which was planned earlier? Being emotionally dependent on another person could be a double-edged sword. Despite its positive side of giving one the passion and courage to live on; perhaps when the time to seperate comes, it might cause one to be a coward to live life alone again, and simply forgetting how well or independently they could live before having this another person.

Will be staying in Sg for another day. Back home on Friday, although have been planning to go home on this Thurs since last week. See, one good example of 'not carried out-as planned-decision'!

Think I've already been spending quite alot here in Sg on shopping. Blame it all on the exchange rate that makes me go crazy! Really gotta get myself out from this money-sucking island asap!

Because....

When I saw shoes that cost SGD25, I will tell myself,

' C'mon la..this is only like wat, 8 pounds! for such a nice shoes, so cheap lo, can nv get such deal in UK!
Buy Only Lar!'

When I came across handbag tagged SGD 35 , I tell myself again,

' but this is only like...uhmm..less than 15 pounds for a bag wor, summore not a dull and plain one..even a Jane Norman plain bag cost 10 pounds wat...

Buy Only Lar!'

When I saw Giordano basic top with best buy price, 3 for SGD 36, here the devil speaks again,

' around 13 pounds for 3 pieces, quite ok rite?...summore basic tops leh, different colors are alwiz useful for clothes matching...

Buy Only Lar!'

etc...

Although I don't fancy branded stuffs and actually prefer mix and match styles, Haiz.. but how can I still had spent so much here? And now, I start to realise this well known proverbs, 'sedikit sedikit, lama lama reli boleh jadi bukit'!

'Buy Only Lar' is killing me! :o

Packing up memories

Sometimes, I feel memories are just like photos. When photos are snapped, guess many people don't really look at it on the spot, just enjoy ourselves at that time, take as many as possible. Wait till we got back home, will view every picture observing everyone's smiles and every single beautiful places, then carefully sort every photo nicely into folders making them easier to be locate in the future.

I always thought that to look back into memories is nothing more than a cruel way to treat one self, not worse than open up an old scar, especially when you clearly know that those memories won't come back again. But, perhaps just like one old sayings, stand up from the place you fell. Guess many things can't be judged only from the surface. Sometimes, the stupidest way might be the best. By looking into memories in the past can give one the courage to continue for tomorrow.

Now, I feel looking into memories is just like looking back at old photos, each and everytime when things are done, memories are created; feelings at that moment will always be there, fix in the frame, despite how things had changed over time. No matter what decisions were to be made, what faith were to hold, what feelings were to have in the future, think only memories and feelings will always stay unchanged. Belong only to the owner, no one could grab it away.

Keeping memories well in a good place is just like keeping photos well in an album. Sometimes, I'm afraid if I don't sort them out and keep them well when I have the time to do so, I might gradually lose it in hectic daily life. And, one day, if I need it again, I probably know nowhere to find it again.

Is it true that people who understand their past well can walk into the future with great strides, simply knowing what they'd got, what they'd lost, what they want, without losing themselves?

STRANGE night

2 days ago, that night...

since ZQ drove the car, Piyo and I couldn't sleep and went out in the middle of night for a stroll. The surrounding was quiet except the tropical insects.

We came to this rather new playground at a nearby neighbourhood. Piyo's primary school stood right opposite it. This playground unlike the usual, has no seesaw, swings or anything for the kids but only a range of fitness equipments. Haha... Piyo said every morning, this place will be the hangout place for many beauty-conscious aunties after they brought their kids to school. Equipments there mostly are particlarly designed to slim down waist size.

There's also this interesting equipment which sort of imitate the mechanism of a pendulum swinging in antique clock, has a paddle to step on with both legs and allows one to start swinging left and right like a pendulum. Again, to slim waist down.

After so many supper nights, we two agreed that we should slim our waist down too with this equipment while we continue our talk. We spent almost one and a half hour there 'equipments hopping' like small kids. Hehe. ;p

So tired after that, we decided to call ZQ for a free ride home. Happily swinging on that 'pendulum', Piyo made a call to ZQ. His phone rang a few times before it got through. However, what happen next gave us a shock! Once the phone was through, instead of a polite 'hELLo' from ZQ, it was a high-pitched kid's shRiEk from the other end of the phone.Immediately after the scream, the call got hung up! Even me who wasn't holding the phone, could hear it from probably 2 metres away.

Puzzled, we decided to give ZQ another ring to find out whose voice was it earlier on. The second time, phone rang. And this time, it was his polite greets, nothing extraordinary. We did ask about whose voice could it be, but he claimed he was out with his friends, no kids around at all, and he received only one call from us...

Carbonara

Whee...! Its pastamania session! haha.. Piyo and I have finally become the chef for the night. tada! This is what we came up with. Omg!~.. such a sinful meal we've got.iTs soO nice tat we actually ate it as dinner for 2 consecutive nights! There goes my 'supposedly diet plan'.