New purpose in life?

After one week of boredom, my kind friends who couldn't bear seeing my ceaseless sufferings, had finally decided to end it for me.

Yesterday, they called and claimed that they have found a new purpose in life for me, and I don't have to continue moaning for my boredom anymore, at least for the 5 coming days. My hope was soaring high, k. I thought finally they are enlightened to not work anymore but to give me some company.

friend: 'oi, u feeling bored at home right? Guess what, We have found you a job!!'
Me: ' huh -_- '

Their boss, who owns a sushi shop and a interior designing shop (I don't see any connection between these two business actually,weird) needs a 5 days flyer distributor at his temporary booth set up at a local furniture exhibition fair.

Luckily it is an indoor job and I don't have to stand under the hot sun. And since my crappy friends have gone to Genting for a week holidays, and since I have nothing to do at home, haiz...I agreed to take the job.

After I put down the phone, only I realised I forgot to ask about the pay!! I can't be blurer than that. Immediately, I called them again and asked. The answer was:

RM 2.50 per hour

What the... That's like what, 30p? And given I work only 5 hours a day, my pay per day is gonna be only RM12.50 and 5 days will only give me RM62.50..... *speechless*

我们不哭

Inspired by a friend, I decided to put this song up after I heard of it this afternoon. It somehow fits in well with a decision made months ago which I sort of regretted.

我们不哭在分开的场面 我们拥抱弥补所有的抱歉

没有遗憾今天是最好的句点 以后还能一起面对面

我们不哭在回家后的房间 成熟能让所有伤痛少一点

没有眼泪并不代表爱很浅 而是懂得微笑着让彼此怀念

原来有很多话想对你说，原来以为能留下微笑给你，原来以为时间能让伤痛少一点....原来我还是一样的放不下。

Sitting at home

Ever since coming back home, I have not been in the right mood to write up any post due to my extreme boring-ness and 'nth-much-to-tell'-ness here.

Before I came home, I actually thought there will be many things here awaiting me, but sad to know, in fact, there is actually nothing much. I finished doing everything I wanted to within 2 days. Perhaps Muar is simply too small in size.

I felt I'm living a life of an aunty, this morning particularly. 7am, fetched my brother and sister to school. After that, bought newspaper, and went to 'have a stroll' in a park. Almost every elderly looked at me like one kind.

Then 8am, met a friend and had breakfast. Although I didn't celebrate your birthday with you yesterday, but would still like to wish you a belated Happy Birthday.

And yeah, how can i forget to say this, I might not be able to work as a teacher anymore!!!

All because of the government latest policy on the maktab's teachers. According to the policy, new teachers might be released earlier this year since many schools are complaning about not having enough teachers. And because of that, schools wouldn't need to hire any part time teacher anymore. And I will be left jobless! Now I start to understand why people can suffer from chronic life stress when they have unclear future job prospect.

Sigh...

I think I need a proper summer plan...

Lost and not found

Last paper is finally over. I should be beaming with joy, but I'm not. After coming back home from exam, to my great sorrow and disappointment, I found something at my window has gone missing.

IT WAS MY BAMBOO!!!

This is how it looks like. (taken on the day I bought it)

Immediately, I ran to the window. And what I could see from there was just shattered pieces of vase lying on the ground. Impatiently and quickly, I ran all the way down again with the great hope of finding back my favourite bamboo! However, I search all over the place and the bamboo was nowhere at all in sight! Speechless and felt like crying...indeed I was.


To: My Dear Bamboo

By the time I am writing you this short message, you could probably have been in a new master's hand, or perhaps in a dustbin awaiting for the fate of being discarded. I don't know who have taken you away but I am seriously upset of not being able to have you back.

Do you know that I was just thinking of changing new water for you after my exam this morning before I left the room?

I could still remember how I bought you from Ikea on the second day of my first arrival in the UK and the reason why I bought you. That time, I was feeling homesick and lonely sitting alone in a totally unfamiliar room at a faraway land...

I actually planned to keep you with me throughout my five years here.

Maybe something just wasn't meant to be. It's always when one has lost something, then only will the person start to regret of not cherishing it at the beginning. Even though I've not been taking well care of you, but I was indeed glad and contented seeing how you've had beautifully grown up this year.

Everyday I wake up and open my curtain, I'm always glad when I see you standing so proudly in the sun. But, sad to say, tomorrow I can't feel the same again....

Regards,
Your master

Brain's Wave

Every brain emits its own wavelength of a certain frequency.

So, what would happen if two brains are sending out the same frequency's wavelength at one time? Then, two geographically distanced persons can have their minds connected together at that particular moment. How long would the duration for the 'connection' be? Mmm, I'm not too sure.. it could be one second, one minute, one hour, one day or even longer... (depends on the bandwith and connection speed maybe).

So, what would happen when two minds are connected? Then, at that moment, the two persons can see what each other is doing and sense each other's feelings (anger or happiness or anxiey or helplessness...etc) and know the message that the person is trying to convey to the external environment!

A bit like Telepathy, eh? Sounds so weird, mysterious and eerie, right?

Didn't quite believe in it too.

Ah well, not till yesterday afternoon, when I actually experienced it in a dream. My mind was 'connected' to someone who is geographically faraway. And in my dream, I could actually see clearly from the picture every single thing the person was doing and could sense how that person was feeling at that moment. At that time, the someone was angry and frustated over another person called Ivan of whom I don't know in real life but was told the name.

The weird thing is, after sometimes, I found out that everything I pictured in the dream was true! And the person that someone wasn't happy with on that day was indeed named Ivan!

Final Countdown

What will happen at 48 hours later?

HURRAYYYY....I'm DONE!!!

Celebrating my coursemate's birthday...OhNO, we are turning 21 this yr!

No more insomnia.

Go JN to get my favourite dress! Woohoo...!~

PubbinG (if Jenn drags me to)

Getting married (if I've someone to marry to)

Home home, here I come.... (packing bag)

Shifting flat (Mmm...how am I going to put my whole room into small little boxes?)

ByeBye first year!

Can't believe I'm one fifth through the med sch... Oh well, 4/5 more to go. (err..but provided I don't have to resit!~)


Wei, enough of daydreaming!!! GO study la! Got two more paper to go, dumbo!

To: Mummy

Dear Mummy,

How are you? Must be busy with feeding the 2 little girls and chasing them up and down, right? Or you are now scolding someone for their mistakes again?

Everytime I called, you were always busy with the family. I don't blame you, they need your care. I know. Without you, the family wouldn't be running well like how it is now. But, no matter how busy you are, you'll never fail to ask me if I've eaten, what'd I eaten, did I have enough sleep and followed by that, not to sleep too late, remember my health and don't bath too late at night....etc. These are what you are always concerned with. Chinese says our body always belong to our parents. I agree. I will try to not hurt my own body that you and papa have given to me.

You will never force me to study, never give me any pressure, never want me to achieve anything in order to let you 'have face'. What you want is just simple, my well being and healthy self. I really appreciate your understanding.

Sometimes, I do call before I sleep just to say 'goodnight' to you, the first line you say is always 'why you sleep so late, don't study too hard and it's bad for health you know...' It does make me feel guilty, as most of the time, I don't study but just wasting my times doing nothing, and that's why I ended up staying up till late night to finish my work.

Now, I'm studying for my Wed and Fri's papers... and mUmmy, it's not easy. I have not been a good girl throughout this sem and now I'm doing all the last minute works. I am feeling stress, anxious and helpless. Where are you, mummy? If I were at home, I could always have you to talk crap to, and have nice foods you cook on the table awaiting me. But now, whenever I feel hungry, even late at night, I've to cook for myself and those foods just don't taste good. Last time, I always complained about the food you cook by saying, 'Why this and this again', 'I don't like this..', 'I want something else'. You were never angry with your little girl, you never turn her demands down, although some were just unreasonable tantrums.

After coming here and having to live alone by myself, only I start to realise how hard it is to maintain a household. All those small little chores like 'folding clothes, buy toiletrolls, wash plates, do laundry, buy groceries...etc, that you used to do for me seemed so insignificant, but when I've to manage them myself, they are just not that easy. No wonder whenever you scold us, you will never miss out this line 'you all thought it's easy becoming your mummy is it? you all have school holidays to enjoy and rest, but I've no holidays at all! And my working days is 365 a year and 24 hours a day...'. Although I always stuffed my ears with cottons, but some famous lines of yours still got stuck in my head.

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. Although we never celebrate it, but this year, particularly, I feel like celebrating it for you. Too bad I can't be there by your side. I always want you to go travel with papa, but both of you will always say no and would want to stay at home and take care of us. I'm sorry for not being independent but I will and am learning how to take care of myself over here. Hopefully by the time the two little girls have grown up abit, you and Papa can go travel to somewhere else.

Mummy...I miss you. You take care too! See you next week.


With lots of love,

Your big girl

Changes in myself

Due to a request from a friend to check if she'd wrote me any testimonial before, I've to check through my friendster's homepage. And after browsing through them, what I felt was the so much changes in myself.

Most claimed I was chatty, talkative, noisy and crappy. But, I've quieten down alot after coming to Edinburgh and most of the time, among my peers, I wasn't the one talking anymore.

People in medical course generally realise that they themselves are smart and capable than the average. Most of the time, people can't wait to present their ideas and thoughts. I reckon I used to behave like them before I came here. But now, I felt 'no point' to fight for an oppoturnity to talk in a group. Everyone is concerned only with their own opinions and no one will actually listen to others' thoughts unless it is a complement for them. People say listening is a good skill to learn. And environment shapes a personality. I believe it's the people around me that changed me.

Apart from that, I am getting lazier too. Somewhat, I find no motivation and inspiration to study. I need a goal in my life!!!

And I used to be a shopping freak, I'm now no more at that and I just realised that I've not been shopping at all for 3 weeks. What a record! Sometimes, I wish I could have my shopping kaki-s with me. It's always nice to have someone to whom I can always tell my excitements when I've bought something new, listen to what I want to buy and also, help me solve my dilemmas.

Here, I've learned cooking too. Surprisingly, people here thought I used to cook alot back home. Weird! Last time, I always think cooking is such a 'aunty' activity. But my perceptions had changed or rather say that I-don't-mind-being-an-aunty after I found out Brits foods is nothing more than pizza, pasta, salad and soup! Luckily I wasn't placed in the catered hall!

Today... I was told as well that I've learned how to sweet-talk of which in the past, I wouldn't! Hmm...Really?

Study Chair

I will be shifting flat next term!! And this afternoon, I've come up with a what-to-buy-next-term list for my future household.

Of all the items, study chair topped the list. Because recently, my back has been aching badly.

After serious contemplation, I definitely need a study chair wih all these features :

1. Wheels - I usually wouldn't reach out to anything placed outside of my hand's radius when I'm sitting. Unfortunately, I can't put every single thing I need within my hand's reach. A chair with wheels will solve this problem! Ehmm....If you are picturing a wheelchair now, hell no...
2. Arm - This serves the purpose of preventing me from falling off the chair! And allows me to sit in my favourite position, by leaning my back against one of the chair's arm.
3. Head rest - to support my big heavy head whenever my neck find this task tiring
4. No straight back - hate sitting in upright and straight position. A 'bend-able back' chair would be good..
5. No cushions - dislike the warm feelings of my backside on cushion and would prefer to feel 'airy'. :p I'd like to sit on that kind, mm.. synthetic-flexible-coloured rotan.

This is the closest to my description I could find, but not quite still. I want thinner stripes!

I'm desperately looking for one that fits all the conditions and by having it, I can continue to root in front of my labtop well and not have any health problems cropping up.

Unexpected

For these few weeks, my life has been a total crap revolving around only revising tedious notes and going to lectures every morning.

Today is somehow special. Two surprises put a smile on my face.

~ Lecture Hall - 9am - Waiting for lecturer ~

In front of everybody, a guy in suits with bow tie kneeled down and proposed to a girl ! With the guy holding a ring in his hand and waited on his knee, the girl slowly walked down from the staircase and agreed to marry him.

In aloud applauses, he then put the ring on her finger. Aww...So sweet!

In my astonishment, I quickly turned to James, hoping for an explanation. He smiled and said it was actually a proposal for academic wedding. Albeit it's not a real one, the boy's courageous act still amazed me.

~ Old College - 10am - Heading home ~

On my way back home after lecture, while waiting for the red man to turn green, I spotted a Kenari on the waiting lane. A white guy was driving it.

I was once told by Mr. Andrew (a funky chemistry teacher) that Kenari was voted the ugliest car in the UK at 2004. Maybe that guy wasn't aware of the poll.

So far, I have only seen Malaysia's cars like Wiras and Iswaras here.

*By the way, Academic Wedding is an event in Medical school at which every student got to choose someone from their batch to marry to, in order to have kids next year. Freshers by next year are allowed to choose which family they want to get adpoted to. And the cycle continues on every year. All fathers&mothers-in-law (1 year older senior) will be invited to the wedding too to witness their children's marriage. Oh yeah, polygamy and homogamy are allowed!! *

Seems to be another good reason for me to buy dress from JN!~ ^Winks^

Home Sweet Home

Although I am not looking forward to this exam, but I do look forward to the day after exam:

21st MAY --------> BACK HOME

HUURRAAYYY!!!!

Most probably I would be teaching in a primary school as a part time teacher back home. **HEHEHE**

I wonder what will happen if i were to live with those small little kids. Hopefully not somthing bad.

Hmmm...I shall not let them learn about my feather phobia so they can't hold me any threat when I force them to hand in homeworks. Otherwise, they could just simply grab a feather duster which I think could be easily found in every class and come after me with that!!! ****EVIL THEM****

I shall go study again and pray hard that I will be able to pass this exam.

If anyone is praying too (it doesn't matter which God you pray to, as long as they are one of the top four), please kindly pray for me!

~ All the best to everyone who have exams coming soon ~

Exam-induced Disorder

This time....seriously... I'm dying....before I learnt anything about how to save the others and could actually do it.

Isn't medical school suppose to teach me how to save people and try to preserve as many lives as possible?

But why is it trying to kill it's own students instead?

Exams is coming in 10 days time but we still have lectures going on with a completely new module to learn. And after that Bones&Joints module ends, the med school happily tell us that we have got 5 days study break to revise on our syllabus which actually comprises 3 main modules - Cardiovascular, Respiration, Bones&Joints. Why can't they just shift the B&J module to next sem or give us a longer study break? Really don't understand these exam boards ppl... if they are too free, why don't they spend their extra time joining the national protest to fight for a better pay deal....at least will do them some good than thinking up methods to torture us. * @#!*#@&#@%#%*

Sometimes I wonder if it's just me thinking too much. When I was studying for Cardiocvascular module the other day, about angina and arrythmias, I feel I have got all the symptoms for these two disorders as described in my notes. Chest pain, breathlessness, fast heart beat...etc.

A few days later then, when I was studying respiration module, I concluded that I have restrictive lung problem because I can't seems to breathe in properly and inflate my lung. Whereas now, while reading through Bones and Joints notes, I can't avoid thinking I might have Rheumatoid athritis for some reasons I do feel some stiffness in my finger joints once in a while especially nowadays I have been typing so much in front of my labtop .

I hope I am not going mad!!!

Any presciption for this disorder? Anyone?