for once, I can't seems to picture the life beyond med school. yes, i'm rather anxious inside. for the recent weeks, i'm finding the future is holding too many uncertainties to the point that it appears bleak.
since mtas application took off in October, the rat race has officially begun.
not long ago, I was in this little room at the busiest bustling backpacker areas in Saigon working on the five mtas questions. I could still remember the sense of relief when I clicked on the submit button for the application to go through and that was also the decision made for two years down the road.
and before I realised, i was already back in Edinburgh later, being all busy with General Med day in day out. time just zoom pass much much faster when you are really busy and especially in winter too since days are much shorter anyway.
then again, before I realised, mtas score was out. everyone started to discuss about what programme to apply, what job they want and what they want to be in the future.
i feel like a kid standing in front of a candy shop having the amount of money just enough to afford a sweet. and there are too many colourful choices in front of eyes. but I can't decide.
it's not just about making a decision, but for each choice picked, there's always a whole set of matters that follows. I don't like the idea of not knowing how my life would be like in the future and how would things go and even more so, where i would end up in. sometimes, not only i feel i have no control of my own life, i don't feel belonged too.
for all my life, i think i have taken things for granted especially from my parents. there must be so many life choices they have made to be who they are today and to be able to provide me with everything i need. the idea of i'm going to be living on my own salary soon and to be called a working adult on my own feet with responsibilities for taxes and financial commitments can be quite daunting at the same time exciting.
at this point, i don't think i'm being intimidated by the competition which seems inevitable in the rat race. by saying that, i don't mean either i have a great cv to offer. am way far from that.
the thing is, i'm far more afraid of not knowing which competition i want to play in.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Tuesday, October 06, 2009
Saigon
“我不愿去相信 我们之间隔着海洋的距离 我的爱已融化在空气里” ~ Love Story
“放我一个人生活 请你双手不要再紧握 一个人我至少干净利落 沦落就沦落 爱闯祸就闯祸” ~ 放生
“我相信离开终究会有始有终 有一天我将能为你描写彩虹” ~ 情书
唱这些歌的范逸臣，一直是一个不知道为什么，但每次看见他的样子时，总能让我有种说不出特别感觉的人。
这些歌可能都不是主流作品，却有一股很深的感染力。尤其是当我在这个陌生城市，一个人流浪着的时候。
此时此刻的我，确实很享受着一个人生活。
卸下了锦衣华服和家中呵护，我拿起背包，踏着拖鞋，来到了这个才刚脱离共产阴影不久的国家，这个颇为贫穷却迅速崛起的城市。
我想我的骨子里是有种叛逆的。当很多人都问我为什么有好好的第一世界国家像新加坡一样那么舒适的环境不待，为什么非得要到一个这样的地方去。我也不知道。我只是想到我并不甘心在温室里长大，不愿让我的年轻都在漂亮衣着，精心设计的烛光晚餐和绚丽风景里度过。原先我要去的还是第三世界末端的非洲国家，要不是因为老爸不需肯，我早都去了。
那天去了医院报到，虽然作了很坏的打算，把期待降到最低，但是还是被这里的贫乏感到无可奈何。生命在这里并不值钱。被送进的医院的病人并没有太多的自主权利。凡是都是医生说了算，看情形而定。急诊室中两人一张病床一点都不稀奇。消毒和清洁的工作也欠完善，细菌感染的事不知道是要多严重。病房里死了人，护士的工作只是把被子轻轻拉上把病床推到一旁，其他一切处理甚至把尸体搬出病房的工作，全都得由家属自己解决。当病床被空出来之后，下一个被送进来的病人马上就被送上去。而且不晓得什么原因，每每夜晚一到，就会看见许多人带了日常用品到医院走廊打地铺。听说是为了隔天能抢到门诊的号码，能看得到医生。
在这个和我没有任何责任联系的土地，走在这里朴实而不加修饰的街道上，看见一张张吃苦耐劳的脸孔，亲切简单的笑脸，我慢下了脚步，静下了心来，实实在在的体验着人生。
这样的感觉，不知道为什么，总让我觉得有真真实实活着的感觉。
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Hello Saigon!
The 4 weeks elective in Lion city had ended so quickly. went back to muar on Friday, played with the two lil girls and spent some time seeing parents on Sat, and now before I realise, i'm here in Ho Chi Minh already.
Thankfully suz is here with me. this girl read the departure time wrongly and I almost had to come here by myself! >.< 
Although today has been tiring, but I'm totally excited about it!
must be the feeling of adventurous and exploring a city totally on our own that makes me so excited.
at the moment, i'm still in a holiday mood and has definitely not quite convinced that this city is going to be home for the coming month. i guess that's the reason why i'm still kind of excited about it at the moment happily being a tourist. wonder what would i feel about this place a mth later as so many things would have change by then for sure. even mtas will be completed here too and the thing is, the real deal starts TMR!
Tomorrow we are also going to check out the Cho Ray Hospital early in the morning. so i'm going to have an early night.
goodnight world.
Thankfully suz is here with me. this girl read the departure time wrongly and I almost had to come here by myself! >.< 
Although today has been tiring, but I'm totally excited about it!
must be the feeling of adventurous and exploring a city totally on our own that makes me so excited.
at the moment, i'm still in a holiday mood and has definitely not quite convinced that this city is going to be home for the coming month. i guess that's the reason why i'm still kind of excited about it at the moment happily being a tourist. wonder what would i feel about this place a mth later as so many things would have change by then for sure. even mtas will be completed here too and the thing is, the real deal starts TMR!
Tomorrow we are also going to check out the Cho Ray Hospital early in the morning. so i'm going to have an early night.
goodnight world.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Elective!
Hey, I'm on elective! it sounds happpening eh! teehee. My elective is in one of the few city countries in the world, Singapore!
I don't know why i'm so excited since this is not the first time I'm here in sg, it's already like a second home to me after all these years and i attribute these happiness to the very very nice family i'm living with atm. Whats more to ask for when every evening you can come home to an uber warm house with the company of the lovely childhood cousins and the aunt who will prepare one full table of dishes awaiting us.
I must say I really enjoy the homely feels, when you can always hear familiar voices chatting away in the background and you know you are never alone. After all these years of living alone, I guess I'm pretty afraid of the deadly silence in the background. it's like when you are not talking, all you hear is only your own breathing and some noises from the streets that has absolutely nothing to do with you.
For the first 2 weeks in the SGH, I was absolutely excited and looking forward to the wards and patients every morning. It is certainly fun to do medicine in your own languages. Motivation needed to wake up at 6.30 every morning and left at 7am, in order to be at the ward at 8am was certainly high quality and level. Never did I do that straight for 2 weeks in the Burgh. urghh! but i'm not complaining, instead I absolutely loved it! would there be a chance that I can come here at work at some point in life? hmm. future will unfold by itself as we go on. we'll see.
So, this is the 3rd week into the elective already. I can't believe it, this is Sooooo quick! can't blif there's only 5 weeks left before I'll be back in Edinburgh again, and this time, for the real deal, FINALS!! ok, better not think about that first.
Let's see, so one week left. Me cousin and I just decided that we haven't do most of the things we wanted to do as per our original plan. As you can see we were pretty much enjoying each other's companies at home everyday after work mainly eating, laughing and bantering. seriously, if you're with the right company, even a shit hole can be a lovely garden. thanks dearie for everything and ur super mum too!
hehehe, so from now on, there's going to be lots of last minute activities in sg as next Sunday, it will be the Ho Chi Minh City already, a city where everyone gives me the advice that I should close my eyes to cross the roads, otherwise you will never be able to reach the other side. oh well, adventurous la.
we went shopping today. ha! i think this shopping thing is really mood dependent. if you're in the right mood, somehow you will see lots of good stuffs in front of ur eyes. so, yeah, productive indeed. bought a pair of heels which i can't stop staring at. it has been awhile, mmm... 2 years perhaps? since I last saw a pair of shoes I really really love.
and it's been a while too, since i last felt so good with my life!
I don't know why i'm so excited since this is not the first time I'm here in sg, it's already like a second home to me after all these years and i attribute these happiness to the very very nice family i'm living with atm. Whats more to ask for when every evening you can come home to an uber warm house with the company of the lovely childhood cousins and the aunt who will prepare one full table of dishes awaiting us.
I must say I really enjoy the homely feels, when you can always hear familiar voices chatting away in the background and you know you are never alone. After all these years of living alone, I guess I'm pretty afraid of the deadly silence in the background. it's like when you are not talking, all you hear is only your own breathing and some noises from the streets that has absolutely nothing to do with you.
For the first 2 weeks in the SGH, I was absolutely excited and looking forward to the wards and patients every morning. It is certainly fun to do medicine in your own languages. Motivation needed to wake up at 6.30 every morning and left at 7am, in order to be at the ward at 8am was certainly high quality and level. Never did I do that straight for 2 weeks in the Burgh. urghh! but i'm not complaining, instead I absolutely loved it! would there be a chance that I can come here at work at some point in life? hmm. future will unfold by itself as we go on. we'll see.
So, this is the 3rd week into the elective already. I can't believe it, this is Sooooo quick! can't blif there's only 5 weeks left before I'll be back in Edinburgh again, and this time, for the real deal, FINALS!! ok, better not think about that first.
Let's see, so one week left. Me cousin and I just decided that we haven't do most of the things we wanted to do as per our original plan. As you can see we were pretty much enjoying each other's companies at home everyday after work mainly eating, laughing and bantering. seriously, if you're with the right company, even a shit hole can be a lovely garden. thanks dearie for everything and ur super mum too!
hehehe, so from now on, there's going to be lots of last minute activities in sg as next Sunday, it will be the Ho Chi Minh City already, a city where everyone gives me the advice that I should close my eyes to cross the roads, otherwise you will never be able to reach the other side. oh well, adventurous la.
we went shopping today. ha! i think this shopping thing is really mood dependent. if you're in the right mood, somehow you will see lots of good stuffs in front of ur eyes. so, yeah, productive indeed. bought a pair of heels which i can't stop staring at. it has been awhile, mmm... 2 years perhaps? since I last saw a pair of shoes I really really love.
and it's been a while too, since i last felt so good with my life!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Impromptu
After a year of goodbye last bid over web cam, I finally see him again.
Instead of a well planned meet up, it came up as an impromptu. just 3 days after my return. It caught me all of a sudden and I was, honestly stunned. nailed on the spot, not knowing what to do next. Seldom did I feel completely lost in reacting to situations, and that was indeed one! I was just out to supper with sis and a bunch of her friends who come visiting, then randomly, among the many strangers in the food center, two pair of wandering eyes met and it took me a while to realise that it was him. yes, it was no one else, but him. quickly, i shifted my attention to somewhere else, pretending previously I was not focusing my sight on anyone, but merely scanning through the people, hence saving me efforts to say hi in an awkward situation. There were a big bunch of friends around him, i wasn't able to pay much attention to them. But according to sis, there was a girl next to him. However, surprisingly, the gf bit i was completely ok, nothing emotional, there was no sense of jealousy, no sense of guilt, no sense of sorrow, nothing of that sort like people used to describe when they bump into their ex with a new partner. The emotional bits that got stirred up was purely because of his presence.
It's time like this, i simply hoped that Michael could be with me, if he was there, he must have been able to calm me down, tell me what to do next, at the same time hold my sweaty palms tight. It's time like this, i don't know how to describe my feelings nor express myself. If i were to put them down in words, only 'shocked & lost' could fit in.
Throughout the supper, i didn't enjoy much. merely to hear his voice sounding clearly and vividly in my ears. He was loud and lively as usual. He probably noticed me too, cause sis's friends said people from his table keep looking at us and they were even wondering if i should turn around and see if there were someone i knew. But i was smart enough to choose a seat back facing him.
It's never an easy journey, isn't it? After 3 or 4 years of struggle, finally we decided to admit defeat to the circumstance, to let go, to bid farewell and managed to live out of each others shadows. It's good to see that each of us are moving on with our lives, having a space above us that we can breathe freely. no more sneaking out, no more cheating on parents, no more long distance, no more arguments over who should change, and no more cracking our brains so hard on finding a solution for us. I'm pretty sure that everything we are having now, are something that suits us well, something that we can happily enjoy without having to put in extra extra efforts just to make it work, and it's not as if the more efforts we put in, the more pleasant the outcome will be, most of the times they are likely to just meet a dead end or end up nowhere, which often rendered us disappointed and hopeless. As for now, it is a happy ending that I will smile on. Yet, i can't help but to feel the heart string got slightly pulled, when I realize what we used to share are officially a past, we have moved on. By saying this, i'm not trying to say that i wish they are not a past at this point, i'm happy with things now, it's just a feeling of reminiscences that you get when you look at one big chapter of your past right in front of your eyes, and realizing that they are already history.
On the way driving home, I seems to understand better something Adelynn used to say, 'a home is where your heart belongs'.
He, used to be someone i cared for so much, someone that i paid so much efforts in, but it all seems like a distant past now, nothing else but a piece of memories etched in my heart. Memory is only beautiful because it is memory, people can somehow imagine whatever they want or carve it whatever way they please, and that's the best part of memory.
As i left that place and came back to my own family, my friends, my beloved man, it seems like I can no longer find a space in my life for this guy to fit in anymore.
anyhow, i'm still wishing the best for him. He, shall be a part of my memory that i can never erase. whereas to the beloved man, i wish that it's your hand that i'm going to hold on to till the very end.
Instead of a well planned meet up, it came up as an impromptu. just 3 days after my return. It caught me all of a sudden and I was, honestly stunned. nailed on the spot, not knowing what to do next. Seldom did I feel completely lost in reacting to situations, and that was indeed one! I was just out to supper with sis and a bunch of her friends who come visiting, then randomly, among the many strangers in the food center, two pair of wandering eyes met and it took me a while to realise that it was him. yes, it was no one else, but him. quickly, i shifted my attention to somewhere else, pretending previously I was not focusing my sight on anyone, but merely scanning through the people, hence saving me efforts to say hi in an awkward situation. There were a big bunch of friends around him, i wasn't able to pay much attention to them. But according to sis, there was a girl next to him. However, surprisingly, the gf bit i was completely ok, nothing emotional, there was no sense of jealousy, no sense of guilt, no sense of sorrow, nothing of that sort like people used to describe when they bump into their ex with a new partner. The emotional bits that got stirred up was purely because of his presence.
It's time like this, i simply hoped that Michael could be with me, if he was there, he must have been able to calm me down, tell me what to do next, at the same time hold my sweaty palms tight. It's time like this, i don't know how to describe my feelings nor express myself. If i were to put them down in words, only 'shocked & lost' could fit in.
Throughout the supper, i didn't enjoy much. merely to hear his voice sounding clearly and vividly in my ears. He was loud and lively as usual. He probably noticed me too, cause sis's friends said people from his table keep looking at us and they were even wondering if i should turn around and see if there were someone i knew. But i was smart enough to choose a seat back facing him.
It's never an easy journey, isn't it? After 3 or 4 years of struggle, finally we decided to admit defeat to the circumstance, to let go, to bid farewell and managed to live out of each others shadows. It's good to see that each of us are moving on with our lives, having a space above us that we can breathe freely. no more sneaking out, no more cheating on parents, no more long distance, no more arguments over who should change, and no more cracking our brains so hard on finding a solution for us. I'm pretty sure that everything we are having now, are something that suits us well, something that we can happily enjoy without having to put in extra extra efforts just to make it work, and it's not as if the more efforts we put in, the more pleasant the outcome will be, most of the times they are likely to just meet a dead end or end up nowhere, which often rendered us disappointed and hopeless. As for now, it is a happy ending that I will smile on. Yet, i can't help but to feel the heart string got slightly pulled, when I realize what we used to share are officially a past, we have moved on. By saying this, i'm not trying to say that i wish they are not a past at this point, i'm happy with things now, it's just a feeling of reminiscences that you get when you look at one big chapter of your past right in front of your eyes, and realizing that they are already history.
On the way driving home, I seems to understand better something Adelynn used to say, 'a home is where your heart belongs'.
He, used to be someone i cared for so much, someone that i paid so much efforts in, but it all seems like a distant past now, nothing else but a piece of memories etched in my heart. Memory is only beautiful because it is memory, people can somehow imagine whatever they want or carve it whatever way they please, and that's the best part of memory.
As i left that place and came back to my own family, my friends, my beloved man, it seems like I can no longer find a space in my life for this guy to fit in anymore.
anyhow, i'm still wishing the best for him. He, shall be a part of my memory that i can never erase. whereas to the beloved man, i wish that it's your hand that i'm going to hold on to till the very end.
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Home finally!
It's definitely rewarding that after a long year of busy work and studies, there's still a place called home where i can come back to and feel belonged.
Looking at the two lil girls, they are now smarter, talk better and getting more and more considerate towards us, the adults.
Looking at the two lil girls, they are now smarter, talk better and getting more and more considerate towards us, the adults.
Monday, June 01, 2009
Viva la Vida
Exam was over 2 days ago. and just a few hours after the last paper, I felt a sense of lost, a feeling of aimlessness not knowing what to do next. I guess it must be a big change, from the past few weeks, when everyday was planned ahead on things that I should be studying and learning to now, when every minute seems to be a little bit empty, it must be a transitional period for things to slow down back to its original pace again.
Although sometimes I might have ranted a lil bit more on my blog and complained to others about my life my studies my boredom my relationship, however, I would still say that I am very grateful with what I've been given, at this point of life. These two days when I actually have a chance to sit down to listen to my heart again, to have a look at everything around me, to tidy up my room and discovering a few lil gems lying around the corners, they just seems very beautiful. The people, the flat, the city, the love, the life... that sometimes bcoz of my temper my tantrum my mood swing, I failed to notice their true charm.
Summer is here finally, after such a long wait. a season of sun, sandals, meadows, picnics, and freshness in the air. i'm heading home in a week's time. i can't wait to see how big that two little babies have grown up to, can't wait to meet my parents again, can't wait to enjoy another side of myself, but at the same time a lil bit heavy hearted to leave my Roundy behind. Like i said, i'm still very grateful with my life. knowing that 4th year has officially ended, an important chapter in life has come to an end, whilst another side of life is going to begin, back in my home sweet home. isn't life just beautiful? peepz, enjoy ur summer! they say it's going to be the driest and hottest. oh well, thats what i seems to be hearing every year. but anyway, i'm so going to enjoy mine... n hopefully u too!
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
'Retta'
I met an old lady in the ward today. When we first started our chat, I told her I was asked to see her to have a quick history taking from her. She was very cooperative and welcoming to both Matt and I. She introduced herself as Retta for Margaret then said, 'It's alright, no worries, i'll try to help as much as I can since i won't be in here for long.'
As fast as Matt and I responded, we agreed with what she said and told her we felt happy for her that she could go home soon. and no, that came as an embarassing moment, as she went, 'i meant literally, i won't be in here for long, i only have a few more weeks left'.
That was a big shock to both of us, as we totally didn't expect we were going to talk to someone who's terminally ill and was receiving palliative care. and no, we weren't in the palliative ward, it was just a haematology ward, oh well, some of the patients could still be quite seriously ill.
Somehow when I know that i'm talking to someone who's going to leave this world in a few weeks time, I just don't know how to handle it. Things like 'how does she feel at this moment', 'what would everything be like seeing through her eyes when she knows she only have a few more weeks to go', 'how would death feel like to her', 'how should i handle this conversation'...etc etc, just keep flashing through my mind.
As she sat right in front of me, i can imagine she must have looked quite beautiful at her younger age. For someone her age, she definitely have a pair of big shining eyes not veyr common in her age group and a nice face shape with very refined features.
As we chatted on, she told us she used to be a musical performer together with her husband and both of them had been performing in many parts of the world. With the beaming smile on her face, she then went on telling us how they travelled around together, then decided to settle down for a family, had her son and daughter, then grandchildren, lived together till he died two years ago with kidney problem, and now she felt it's alright for her to go also. Throughout our conversation, unlike what i would have expected, there wasn't a single drop of tear in her eyes. Occasionally, there were some jokes sprinkled in about her younger days and we were laughing together. All i saw was just beautiful beautiful smile and clear laughters that showed how proud she was with her life. and certainly, no regrets.
I was quite overwhelmed. It's not as if she got diagnosed of her leukemia ages ago, it was just 2 months ago that she was told. and look how well she is coping with this, death just seems like another matter she is going to handle.
The most fasicinating part to me was that, like how much would it take for one to actually have that sense of achievement in them to say, I feel i have done all i want to and i don't feel regret leaving this place. Suddenly I felt inspired by this old lady. 40 or 50 years down the road, I want to look back and be able to say the same thing like her too.
When asked about if she feels worried with what is going to come and how does she feel at this point. Guess what she told me,
'I have faith with me darling, that's all i need'.
For one to face death in such a peaceful and calm way, it certainly takes a lot of courage.
Our conversation didn't last too long as there was a tutorial to attend. As we were leaving and saying thank you for her help, i tend to take a few more looks at her. It certainly feels strange when you know this is going to be the last time you see someone and soon they are not going to be in this world anymore. She was very kind and said in a cute way,
'i hope next time you see someone with the same disease, you will be reminded by Retta's case. Wish u guys all the best and HAPPY DOCTORING.'
hahaah, first time I heard a wishing line like that, but that was still very cute. When we left the room, i saw her picked up her story book and continued reading with some smile still lingering on her face. Can't believe someone who's dying can still be so positive, there really isn't much reasons for us, the young and fit, to frown.
As fast as Matt and I responded, we agreed with what she said and told her we felt happy for her that she could go home soon. and no, that came as an embarassing moment, as she went, 'i meant literally, i won't be in here for long, i only have a few more weeks left'.
That was a big shock to both of us, as we totally didn't expect we were going to talk to someone who's terminally ill and was receiving palliative care. and no, we weren't in the palliative ward, it was just a haematology ward, oh well, some of the patients could still be quite seriously ill.
Somehow when I know that i'm talking to someone who's going to leave this world in a few weeks time, I just don't know how to handle it. Things like 'how does she feel at this moment', 'what would everything be like seeing through her eyes when she knows she only have a few more weeks to go', 'how would death feel like to her', 'how should i handle this conversation'...etc etc, just keep flashing through my mind.
As she sat right in front of me, i can imagine she must have looked quite beautiful at her younger age. For someone her age, she definitely have a pair of big shining eyes not veyr common in her age group and a nice face shape with very refined features.
As we chatted on, she told us she used to be a musical performer together with her husband and both of them had been performing in many parts of the world. With the beaming smile on her face, she then went on telling us how they travelled around together, then decided to settle down for a family, had her son and daughter, then grandchildren, lived together till he died two years ago with kidney problem, and now she felt it's alright for her to go also. Throughout our conversation, unlike what i would have expected, there wasn't a single drop of tear in her eyes. Occasionally, there were some jokes sprinkled in about her younger days and we were laughing together. All i saw was just beautiful beautiful smile and clear laughters that showed how proud she was with her life. and certainly, no regrets.
I was quite overwhelmed. It's not as if she got diagnosed of her leukemia ages ago, it was just 2 months ago that she was told. and look how well she is coping with this, death just seems like another matter she is going to handle.
The most fasicinating part to me was that, like how much would it take for one to actually have that sense of achievement in them to say, I feel i have done all i want to and i don't feel regret leaving this place. Suddenly I felt inspired by this old lady. 40 or 50 years down the road, I want to look back and be able to say the same thing like her too.
When asked about if she feels worried with what is going to come and how does she feel at this point. Guess what she told me,
'I have faith with me darling, that's all i need'.
For one to face death in such a peaceful and calm way, it certainly takes a lot of courage.
Our conversation didn't last too long as there was a tutorial to attend. As we were leaving and saying thank you for her help, i tend to take a few more looks at her. It certainly feels strange when you know this is going to be the last time you see someone and soon they are not going to be in this world anymore. She was very kind and said in a cute way,
'i hope next time you see someone with the same disease, you will be reminded by Retta's case. Wish u guys all the best and HAPPY DOCTORING.'
hahaah, first time I heard a wishing line like that, but that was still very cute. When we left the room, i saw her picked up her story book and continued reading with some smile still lingering on her face. Can't believe someone who's dying can still be so positive, there really isn't much reasons for us, the young and fit, to frown.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Daily life
Baby forgot to sign off, so I'll sneak something describing precisely her daily life into here!
Better run before she finds out...
M
Better run before she finds out...
M
Saturday, April 25, 2009
of the med sch ups and downs
Phew!! 2 weeks of Dunfermline is finally over. no more mornings of being fed with lily allen and all her 'f*** you, f*** you very very much' or Blink 182 'F*** your dog, F*** your mum's ass' type of music in the car while heading across the bridge to the queen margaret. the boys in the car love those music and it's strange to me like how they enjoy listening to musics like these every morning before hospital sessions. i still can't appreciate their taste.
so now there's one more module in the bag to add on to revision, oh wait, it's not Re-vision, since i've not read them even for the first time yet, well, learning would be a better description. yah, one more module to add on to learnings. I've no idea why i'm feeling so behind of this whole learning progress. unlike o&g when things were pretty motivated, this renal module just isn't great at all and i'm attributing this lack of passion to reasons like we didn't get much love from the people there, the complicated clinical sciences behind every case and worst still, we only saw our consultant once and that was on the LAST day of the module. oh well. oh well.
portfolio is another setback. 2 issues. one with o&g another one with renal. renal portfolio is still 0% done despite the module has ended. maybe because i somehow know the deadline is not too soon yet, hence not much of motivation to get it done. but NVM. i'm definitely going to get it kick off this weekend!
o&g portfolio was a sad story. we went in for feedback session yesterday. kirsty our consultant didn't meet us in person but sent in her registrar instead. things went ok at the beginning, the reg mentioned like how she thought i was getting more and more motivated towards the end of the module and how much i shone in the group bla bla blah... as she went on there's this unsettled feelings inside that i felt something just isn't quite right and i wasn't quite comfortable with what she said. i had a feeling something bad is going to come! n i was RIGHT! until she mentioned the portfolio feedback. she said it was marked by kirsty and she thought that the results will let me down and she thought it's not soemthing i deserved. it's low. very low. almost on the failing end. it's the worst mark i have ever gotten for pf and tbh, at that point, i almost cried. simply because i thought i put in quite alot of efforts to do it and maybe partly because of the long day yesterday. from every single little mistake like spelling errors to grammar mistake to reference issues, she talked me through them. I gotta admit these o&g doctors are so damn good in comforting people and especially handling women. i managed to suck my tears back and signed the sheet off to agree with what she said. soon after the session ended, i jet off on a bus heading towards starbucks for florencia's mandarin lesson. that was one of the worst moment. moody, upset, i could almost felt some water blurring my vision. but since i didn't want to meet florencia in my teary eyes, i ended up swallowing them all down eventually. got quite emo at that point. i think its also bcoz like how i think o&g is quite my type of thing, like how it's always so busy, lots of 'on the go', communication needs, joys from the new mums. given the thinking that this subject might be for me long term wise, hence I did work pretty hardcore, felt the most motivated and put in quite a lot of efforts trying to understand every single details that i wasn't sure. yesterday came truly as a big let down. last night, i didn't have the head to think straight, came back, plonked myself into bed and slept straightaway till this morning skipping through dinner. certainly felt a lil bit hurt and upset and emo in my duvet.
med school is certainly one place where lots of motivation and passions are needed to keep people going. oh well... im glad that im not losing interest yet. quite pleased at myself this morning after woken up from bed, although still feeling some lil pinch, still, im able to smile at myself in the mirror like the usual days before setting off for hospital. i got to be a nerd. *pat on my own shoulder*
well... at this point, despite exam is 5 weeks away, i'm feeling quite drained already. it's time like this, reminders like 'this is not the finishing line yet, just hang in there abit more' are much needed. home is only 6 weeks away! hurray!
gem of the day: today over the call home, baby sis #1 told me how she wants to go out and buy food for me when i get home this summer. since today, mum brought her out and let her order food at the hawker center and for that reason this little girl feels she is like an adult already. these babies' words. never fail to put a smile on my face.
so now there's one more module in the bag to add on to revision, oh wait, it's not Re-vision, since i've not read them even for the first time yet, well, learning would be a better description. yah, one more module to add on to learnings. I've no idea why i'm feeling so behind of this whole learning progress. unlike o&g when things were pretty motivated, this renal module just isn't great at all and i'm attributing this lack of passion to reasons like we didn't get much love from the people there, the complicated clinical sciences behind every case and worst still, we only saw our consultant once and that was on the LAST day of the module. oh well. oh well.
portfolio is another setback. 2 issues. one with o&g another one with renal. renal portfolio is still 0% done despite the module has ended. maybe because i somehow know the deadline is not too soon yet, hence not much of motivation to get it done. but NVM. i'm definitely going to get it kick off this weekend!
o&g portfolio was a sad story. we went in for feedback session yesterday. kirsty our consultant didn't meet us in person but sent in her registrar instead. things went ok at the beginning, the reg mentioned like how she thought i was getting more and more motivated towards the end of the module and how much i shone in the group bla bla blah... as she went on there's this unsettled feelings inside that i felt something just isn't quite right and i wasn't quite comfortable with what she said. i had a feeling something bad is going to come! n i was RIGHT! until she mentioned the portfolio feedback. she said it was marked by kirsty and she thought that the results will let me down and she thought it's not soemthing i deserved. it's low. very low. almost on the failing end. it's the worst mark i have ever gotten for pf and tbh, at that point, i almost cried. simply because i thought i put in quite alot of efforts to do it and maybe partly because of the long day yesterday. from every single little mistake like spelling errors to grammar mistake to reference issues, she talked me through them. I gotta admit these o&g doctors are so damn good in comforting people and especially handling women. i managed to suck my tears back and signed the sheet off to agree with what she said. soon after the session ended, i jet off on a bus heading towards starbucks for florencia's mandarin lesson. that was one of the worst moment. moody, upset, i could almost felt some water blurring my vision. but since i didn't want to meet florencia in my teary eyes, i ended up swallowing them all down eventually. got quite emo at that point. i think its also bcoz like how i think o&g is quite my type of thing, like how it's always so busy, lots of 'on the go', communication needs, joys from the new mums. given the thinking that this subject might be for me long term wise, hence I did work pretty hardcore, felt the most motivated and put in quite a lot of efforts trying to understand every single details that i wasn't sure. yesterday came truly as a big let down. last night, i didn't have the head to think straight, came back, plonked myself into bed and slept straightaway till this morning skipping through dinner. certainly felt a lil bit hurt and upset and emo in my duvet.
med school is certainly one place where lots of motivation and passions are needed to keep people going. oh well... im glad that im not losing interest yet. quite pleased at myself this morning after woken up from bed, although still feeling some lil pinch, still, im able to smile at myself in the mirror like the usual days before setting off for hospital. i got to be a nerd. *pat on my own shoulder*
well... at this point, despite exam is 5 weeks away, i'm feeling quite drained already. it's time like this, reminders like 'this is not the finishing line yet, just hang in there abit more' are much needed. home is only 6 weeks away! hurray!
gem of the day: today over the call home, baby sis #1 told me how she wants to go out and buy food for me when i get home this summer. since today, mum brought her out and let her order food at the hawker center and for that reason this little girl feels she is like an adult already. these babies' words. never fail to put a smile on my face.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Of desserts, housemates, and foods
I'm trying out with this Picasa version 3! I don't know how outdated i'm with this new version, but i'm assuming this must be something quite new since i don't own it until just now when my comp reminded me to update it.
So, i was wondering what to snap a photo with and post it here. then as i looked around, AhuH! on my table sat this bowl of yummy chinese desserts.
White Fungus + Apple + Red Dates
Jovina just brought it in not long ago for me when I was nerding away with the renals. felt so like my mum during SPM days. =)
This also somehow reminded me those Teviot days when Pei would frequently try out her new recipes, be it cakes, kuihs, desserts, soups, snacks, dishes, all sorts, and get us to try. Those homesick days were then so well-fed.
I must be a lucky person. People I always end up living with, are those that enjoy cookinh and baking so much. Those are people who will go miles to find a good recipe, get the right ingredients, and carefully follow the recipe to make sure the end-products are near perfect. They always have these determination and motivation that I don't have.
If you were to ask me cook something and throw me a recipe, I will read through them, then use whatever i have with me, and make my own version. I'm that lazy.
Btw, since the mystery is out, I hereby announce I will be having a chic housemate next year! **clap clap clap** Hey Pretty, Welcome to our flat, we are officially housemates now!
I was called a chic in her blog! *beaming in joy** and when i read it i was so happified! haha. what's better than being called a chic by someone who you have always thought as an absolutely pretty chic right. to be honest, she always have those fashion senses that i would secretly admire and also her outing looks that i would always wanted to copy. but of course i didn't in the end, for obvious reason like my laziness. she's another hardcore one with food and bakery. go check out her food blog. i can assure you professionalism and quality.
seriously jenn, you really don't have to worry about our dinner rota next year. don't get so worried that we might not like your foods. afterall, we have been having Clem around for a year already and none of us are even complaining. hehhee. (secretly praying clem never read this). anyway, my point is, don't be worried. ur food is already considered more than good enough. and also in daily dinners, we don't demand for fine quality.
oh, btw, i never realise we have such tragic friendship stories. as tragic as it could be, sadly i got to say those descriptions and words you wrote about us were so true. indeed. looked how unhappy we used to be. but, people grow up. sometimes being strong is by choice. i hope you are only going to be happier and bubblier as time goes by. I'm looking forward to our housemateships!
Anticipation
In 24 hours time
the followinground item will be available for collection in the local airport.
I am totally excited!
the following
I am totally excited!
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Bremen Breakaway
It's been a long while since i last written travel post. as much as i want to, time just got so little that there are always things to be busy with. Life has been good so far. except that weekend with food poisoning. nothing really to complain about recently! =)
The sun in Bremen is setting behind me, slowly, very slowly.
So all these buildings were re-build only after the war, probably some time 70 years ago, trying to restore how they looked like before.
then this one, the Town Musicians from the Grimm fairy tales for kids.
Easter is here. Everywhere they serve these colorful eggs. Pretty ain't they?
The sun in Bremen is setting behind me, slowly, very slowly.
It's 8pm here but it's still as bright as the day time. through the long window, i'm looking at the busy traffic and city lights slowly being lit on before the night falls. finally spring's in the air! something good to know, and days are only going to get longer and longer of which i absolutely love. It somehow seems when a day is longer, I will have more time in hand to get things done. =)
So, I'm in Bremen! Roundy's treat to see his 3 weeks' workplace. what an impulsive decision. never did i book a flight one day before and pack and set to go the next day!
So, I'm in Bremen! Roundy's treat to see his 3 weeks' workplace. what an impulsive decision. never did i book a flight one day before and pack and set to go the next day!
Bremen is a beautiful little town. No wonder Roundy even consider of coming here to settle down. It is difficult not to like this place, especially when the sun is abundant, people are very civilised, lots of foods and markets, and their applications of technology in daily life are just so impressive. No wonder the Germans today are still at the top notch of the engineering fields.
It is really not that big a town. Only 3 hours can bring you through all the main attractions.
First, St. Peter Cathedral
Don't get cheated by the ancient appearance. After the second world war, Bremen was basically a flat ground after being bombed by Brits since Hitler used to have a submarine base here.
Don't get cheated by the ancient appearance. After the second world war, Bremen was basically a flat ground after being bombed by Brits since Hitler used to have a submarine base here.
So all these buildings were re-build only after the war, probably some time 70 years ago, trying to restore how they looked like before. The locals say this Roland statue is the guardian of Bremen city. There are 25 of its kind in the whole Germany. probably trying to protect the country from being destroyed from top to bottom again.
then this one, the Town Musicians from the Grimm fairy tales for kids.
never did i hear the story before. Apparently this is VERY famous in Bremen. it's a rooster on top, then a cat, a dog and finally a donkey. Everyone touches the donkey's hooves when they go near. I did the same too, without knowing what is it for. Later went home Wiki only to understand it's supposed to make your wishes come true!
HALT! My Favourite!!! these wurst aka sausages are just roadside food. there are sooo nice that i went back so many times just to eat this plate of plain roll plus one wurst.
Easter is here. Everywhere they serve these colorful eggs. Pretty ain't they?Oh Oh! German's foods are crazily big in portion. Like almost gigantic. you see...
so, see u babe end of this week back in Edin. it'd been almost 3 weeks already since u were away!
Their calzoni. meant for one person portion.
if you don't think that looks very big, see this. (ignore me, my presence was to contrast the size of the calzoni)
Roundy happily growing fat here. Sheeesh!
So, that's all from Bremen's attraction. Really nothing much.
Since Roundy has lots of work to do so we kind of quickly come back to the hotel and start nerding after a quick tour around the city.
Im going to continue writing my essay. Yah, i'm this nerdy to carry my laptop here to work. stupid food poisoning got me this extension for essay that was supposed to due last week. and blame my procrastination skill also. always leave it till last minute.
anyway, it's a different way of travelling. walking at my own pace. stop and eat whenever i feel like. no more the usual have-to-run-to-see-the-next-attraction feelings. I kind of missed that though, it's something that you will do when you were young backpacking with your bunch of energetic friends. but somehow at this point i just realised i'm too old for that. give me some own sweet time off work, a good company, pretty sceneries, I am a happy girl.
so, see u babe end of this week back in Edin. it'd been almost 3 weeks already since u were away!
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
when there is sun shining outside but i can't leave the building as yet...
Instead of writing an email, i decided to write a quick post.
so this afternoon i got chucked out from the clinic for the reason, the junior doc isn't up to having a student in with her. so there goes my afternoon sitting in front of the comp here trying to come up with something productive while waiting for the 5pm mock osce to kick in.
and someone is not msn atm. and i'm missing him quite abit. i thought i would never start missing someone like i can always find something to entertain myself and someone to talk to, but it's just time like this i wish to have a company as good as him. oh well. perhaps he's happily enjoying the pork knuckles in germany joyfully growing rounder.
my tummy still aches in a constant and dull way. even a big laugh can make the pain turns colicky and gets me curled up for a few minutes. food poisoning really sucks.
ok. i can't think of anything else to say. just got to end it here n quickly run back to my magowan to get myself slightly more equiped for the osce later, not like i'm very good to start with. just couldnt't get the working mode kicked in as yet. lazy oh lazy. lack of motivation. lack of quality of life. perhaps, lack of u.
so this afternoon i got chucked out from the clinic for the reason, the junior doc isn't up to having a student in with her. so there goes my afternoon sitting in front of the comp here trying to come up with something productive while waiting for the 5pm mock osce to kick in.
and someone is not msn atm. and i'm missing him quite abit. i thought i would never start missing someone like i can always find something to entertain myself and someone to talk to, but it's just time like this i wish to have a company as good as him. oh well. perhaps he's happily enjoying the pork knuckles in germany joyfully growing rounder.
my tummy still aches in a constant and dull way. even a big laugh can make the pain turns colicky and gets me curled up for a few minutes. food poisoning really sucks.
ok. i can't think of anything else to say. just got to end it here n quickly run back to my magowan to get myself slightly more equiped for the osce later, not like i'm very good to start with. just couldnt't get the working mode kicked in as yet. lazy oh lazy. lack of motivation. lack of quality of life. perhaps, lack of u.
Monday, April 06, 2009
The Climb
For the weekend with food poisoning, i was almost shattered. All i could remember was the endless stomach cramp that even trying to sleep was such a torture. not to mentionthe frequent visits to the loo. speaking of which, i'm in serious deep shit now. overview essay was meant to start during the weekend, thanks to the calzoni we ate on saturday night, that's it. there gone all my essay plan. and now i'm left with 3 and a half day more before the deadline. and 3 days more before the mock osce with my tutor on wednesday. my stomach is not up for it yet. sitting up in chair is such a pain in arse. i think i've better off to see gp soon. hopefully a mc will save me from the deadline. but i'm not hoping for that, the coming long easter weekend suppose to fit in other plans like some serious revision for the ending O&G. well, i'm that screwed. all the backlogs of work. just because of one stupid food poisoning. aghh! GUTTERED!
Miley Cyrus has all I want to say in her new mv. at time like this, I just got to keep going and keep pushing on, reminding myself that i got to be strong.
Miley Cyrus has all I want to say in her new mv. at time like this, I just got to keep going and keep pushing on, reminding myself that i got to be strong.
Saturday, April 04, 2009
Good Day
First, managed to sleep for 13 hours from 7pm - 8am after a long period of sleep deprivation.
Second, lunch is bak kut teh.
Third, comes a big bunch of surprise.
Fourth, has a complete flat to expect soon.
~~~~~
There is this 40 pounds cash sitting on my table already for a while.
It's grandma's money for donation to a local charity. It's one of her earlier wishes. Every time i look at it, I still can't help feeling this little heart wrenching inside.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Goodbye
Last week this day, late at midnight, my phone rang and it was a call from home. I don't know if it is just me, but I always find it a scary feeling, when you are far away from home, and your home rings you at odd hours. and I always pray very hard before i pick up each call hoping that it is not going to be some bad news i am going to receive.
So, I picked up the call and over the phone, it was sis's voice in a calm tone that spoke, "jie, ah ma passed away already."
immediately, my heart sank. It took me a long deep breath before i dare to query any further.
This is the granny that could easily satisfied as long as she knew we cared for her. Over a packet of Walker's shortbread or a box of chocolate, and she could smiled happily.
This is the granny that used to wake up very early in the morning like 6am, just to accompany her 10 year old granddaughter to wait for the school bus at the front gate, when her dad couldn't fetch her to school due to long distanced post.
This is the granny that would stuff us money, be it 50ringgit or 100ringgit, everytime she knew we were going to trips with friends. and no matter how hard we tried to push the money back to her, saying we were alright, save it for urself, she would still insist until we had no choice but to keep it. That's the way she showed her grandchldren her love, when she couldn't do anything else in her paralysed body.
This is the granny that would smiled and said 'this looked good on you', whenever we pulled on our new bought clothes and went up to her and asked what she think about it. Never once did she said anything negative. and we would then beamed away happily.
This is the granny that would asked me each time i was about to leave home for airport in my luggages that, when she would see me again and when would i be coming home, from the chair in the living room where she spent most of her time in. and for each time, i was able to give her an exact duration, like, 3 months, very quick, i'll be back in 3 months time. or maybe six months. but, not the last summer i left home, i didn't promised her anything despite her same old questions, when i knew i might be spending christmas abroad for the first time. and that was also the last time i saw her.
This is the granny that I would called home and greet every chinese new year and she would answered with her standard words, good good, you are such a good girl. This year, i did the same too. but instead of her normal replies, she could hardly spoke a word, instead, it was some voice that didn't make much sense over the phone, just to say she heard me. That was when the doctor told our family, her heart function was left only with 30% due to chronic heart failure. and deep down, i prayed hard, very hard that, please wait until summer comes, when i can go home again to see you once more.
This is also the granny that passed away in her sleep peacefully last week, and apparently just one night before she left, dad said her pillow was soaked wet in tears and that morning, she woke up fine and didn't complained a word. And after that night, the next morning, dad found her in sleep that she would never wake up again.
It has been a week since she is gone. So when this summer comes, when I go home, there won't be her anymore sitting in the living room waiting for me and my chocolates. also i'm guessing since i'm away from home and don't usually get to see her anyway, her departure doesn't impact me that hard yet, not until i go home and start feeling her real absence.
Although admittedly, the last part of your life journey wasn't very much enjoyable and was filled with medifcations and physical illnesses, I'm praying that ahma, you would now go to a place without sufferings and stay in eternal bliss. It had been more than 10 years you had to suffer from stroke and couldn't move the right side of your body.
and you will stay in our memories always. We miss you ahma.
So, I picked up the call and over the phone, it was sis's voice in a calm tone that spoke, "jie, ah ma passed away already."
immediately, my heart sank. It took me a long deep breath before i dare to query any further.
This is the granny that could easily satisfied as long as she knew we cared for her. Over a packet of Walker's shortbread or a box of chocolate, and she could smiled happily.
This is the granny that used to wake up very early in the morning like 6am, just to accompany her 10 year old granddaughter to wait for the school bus at the front gate, when her dad couldn't fetch her to school due to long distanced post.
This is the granny that would stuff us money, be it 50ringgit or 100ringgit, everytime she knew we were going to trips with friends. and no matter how hard we tried to push the money back to her, saying we were alright, save it for urself, she would still insist until we had no choice but to keep it. That's the way she showed her grandchldren her love, when she couldn't do anything else in her paralysed body.
This is the granny that would smiled and said 'this looked good on you', whenever we pulled on our new bought clothes and went up to her and asked what she think about it. Never once did she said anything negative. and we would then beamed away happily.
This is the granny that would asked me each time i was about to leave home for airport in my luggages that, when she would see me again and when would i be coming home, from the chair in the living room where she spent most of her time in. and for each time, i was able to give her an exact duration, like, 3 months, very quick, i'll be back in 3 months time. or maybe six months. but, not the last summer i left home, i didn't promised her anything despite her same old questions, when i knew i might be spending christmas abroad for the first time. and that was also the last time i saw her.
This is the granny that I would called home and greet every chinese new year and she would answered with her standard words, good good, you are such a good girl. This year, i did the same too. but instead of her normal replies, she could hardly spoke a word, instead, it was some voice that didn't make much sense over the phone, just to say she heard me. That was when the doctor told our family, her heart function was left only with 30% due to chronic heart failure. and deep down, i prayed hard, very hard that, please wait until summer comes, when i can go home again to see you once more.
This is also the granny that passed away in her sleep peacefully last week, and apparently just one night before she left, dad said her pillow was soaked wet in tears and that morning, she woke up fine and didn't complained a word. And after that night, the next morning, dad found her in sleep that she would never wake up again.
It has been a week since she is gone. So when this summer comes, when I go home, there won't be her anymore sitting in the living room waiting for me and my chocolates. also i'm guessing since i'm away from home and don't usually get to see her anyway, her departure doesn't impact me that hard yet, not until i go home and start feeling her real absence.
Although admittedly, the last part of your life journey wasn't very much enjoyable and was filled with medifcations and physical illnesses, I'm praying that ahma, you would now go to a place without sufferings and stay in eternal bliss. It had been more than 10 years you had to suffer from stroke and couldn't move the right side of your body.
and you will stay in our memories always. We miss you ahma.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Miss Independent
today had been a lil bit out of routine, no hectic hospital attachments and no other commitments. and suddenly, being able to sit in my own room looking at the blue sky, putting laundry into wash and having the afternoon sun shine on my face while i am lying on my bed seems like the greatest happiness i could have. see, deprivation always make one learns to be easily satisfied.
I don't usually do personality test, not like i am a scientologist. ;)
but like i said, since everything today is lil bit out of the normal way, i randomly clicked on a personality test in facebook. and hehe, i do like the outcome esp the part about the view on success. it is to a certain extent similiar with the interest i have in one specialty but i am too coward to do anything about it since it is very well known for the competitiveness like 1 in 10 success rate and also given my cv is not marvellously excellent compared to the many geniuses out there.
anyway, here is what it says,
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Serious, smart and determined people do make attractive lover, that's if you could also tolerate situations where you would be sacrificed for his work's sake. otherwise yah, they are charming people!
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
mmm, who wouldn't?
The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?
don't think so.
Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
hell yah! my new year resolution this year is to become a Nerd! no joke.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
secure job + steady income = doctor
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
yes, yes and yes! sometimes, i do have idiopathic and notorious pride.
Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
hahaha, i guess so!
Quote of the day: never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
I don't usually do personality test, not like i am a scientologist. ;)
but like i said, since everything today is lil bit out of the normal way, i randomly clicked on a personality test in facebook. and hehe, i do like the outcome esp the part about the view on success. it is to a certain extent similiar with the interest i have in one specialty but i am too coward to do anything about it since it is very well known for the competitiveness like 1 in 10 success rate and also given my cv is not marvellously excellent compared to the many geniuses out there.
anyway, here is what it says,
Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Serious, smart and determined people do make attractive lover, that's if you could also tolerate situations where you would be sacrificed for his work's sake. otherwise yah, they are charming people!
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
mmm, who wouldn't?
The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?
don't think so.
Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
hell yah! my new year resolution this year is to become a Nerd! no joke.
The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
secure job + steady income = doctor
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
yes, yes and yes! sometimes, i do have idiopathic and notorious pride.
Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
hahaha, i guess so!
Quote of the day: never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Obs and Gynae Day 1
12 hours of Labour Ward on day 1 of obs and gynae block, and i'm all exhausted. nonetheless, i was still very amazed!
labour ward is such a place where the air is so filled with love and care, and all the emotions were so real and sincere. all you see are worried dads holding lovely mums' hands, kissing their foreheads, comforting them in every single way, pulling through pains and agony hand in hand...
anxiously anticipating their newborn's arrival, thinking after 9 months, finally we get to see u!
then, soon, come the cries of the baby,
right immediately, almost no second in between, all the tears and worries are turned into smile and hopes. such a miracle.
i swear just one second before, they were looking so anxious and unsettled. the next moment when they have the babies sleeping soundly in their arm, the expression on their faces were nothing else but the gratefulness in daddy's eyes, words of 'thank you' for mummy for such a well done job, and the satisfaction in mummy's smile, quietly and happily staring at the new love of their lives. i guess it's something i could never understand exactly how it feels like. only the people who'd been to that stage could tell how it really is like, words just couldn't describe.
so, Hello all the new babies in today's ward! Welcome to our world and happy birthday! I got to see how you all arrive in this world. and don't forget, to say thank you to mummy and daddy when u all are older. Pregnant mum really got a lot a lot to go through to make a baby come out healthy and cheerful.
i can't believe i broke into tears twice in the ward, when watching these babies' delivery!
labour ward is such a place where the air is so filled with love and care, and all the emotions were so real and sincere. all you see are worried dads holding lovely mums' hands, kissing their foreheads, comforting them in every single way, pulling through pains and agony hand in hand...
anxiously anticipating their newborn's arrival, thinking after 9 months, finally we get to see u!
then, soon, come the cries of the baby,
right immediately, almost no second in between, all the tears and worries are turned into smile and hopes. such a miracle.
i swear just one second before, they were looking so anxious and unsettled. the next moment when they have the babies sleeping soundly in their arm, the expression on their faces were nothing else but the gratefulness in daddy's eyes, words of 'thank you' for mummy for such a well done job, and the satisfaction in mummy's smile, quietly and happily staring at the new love of their lives. i guess it's something i could never understand exactly how it feels like. only the people who'd been to that stage could tell how it really is like, words just couldn't describe.
so, Hello all the new babies in today's ward! Welcome to our world and happy birthday! I got to see how you all arrive in this world. and don't forget, to say thank you to mummy and daddy when u all are older. Pregnant mum really got a lot a lot to go through to make a baby come out healthy and cheerful.
i can't believe i broke into tears twice in the ward, when watching these babies' delivery!
Saturday, February 28, 2009
愉快星期六
“唉”........
容我长长的叹一声气，如果你真以为我是心灰意冷看破红尘了，那你就错了。这一声长气，也只不过是把一个星期下来漫漫的郁闷都给叹掉，让腾出来的新肺容量来装进清新的空气，好让我能再度生龙活虎起来。
一个星期过了，是怎么过的，也就没什么印象的了，总之就是关在一个像是鱼缸的空间里，每隔一个小时就会换个人进来，在我们面前耍耍宝，然后出去，接着再换，从清晨一直到傍晚。偶尔把我们放出去吃吃饭，接着又得再回去关。
不说那些了，没什么好提。
这个悠闲周末，倒是很久以来都没有的自在。不用出去给学生上课，不用做饭，不用打扫屋子，轻轻松松的坐在房间里，翘起脚，桌上放了杯清水，桌下开了暖炉，舒舒服服的读着我爱的三毛，和她一起世界各地玩一遍，真有意思！
日子不就应该是如此吗。
最近不晓得为什么，我都有好似忙不完的事。做完了这个，就得忙那个，忙完了那个，还有另一个要开始准备。忙倒是忙，心倒还没茫，还没把自己弄丢了，日子还是挺快乐的。
这人生中的忙碌，看来是逃不掉的了。现在是个开端，我想不会那么快结束的了，将来要真开始上班了，那忙起来才真是身不由己。大人总爱说，一生忙忙碌碌，看情况我变成他们那样的日子也不会太远了！话又说回来，身体固然忙碌，心中却是怎样的一番天地，那就得考功夫了。
在这个年头，我就来做个快乐的大忙人。
容我长长的叹一声气，如果你真以为我是心灰意冷看破红尘了，那你就错了。这一声长气，也只不过是把一个星期下来漫漫的郁闷都给叹掉，让腾出来的新肺容量来装进清新的空气，好让我能再度生龙活虎起来。
一个星期过了，是怎么过的，也就没什么印象的了，总之就是关在一个像是鱼缸的空间里，每隔一个小时就会换个人进来，在我们面前耍耍宝，然后出去，接着再换，从清晨一直到傍晚。偶尔把我们放出去吃吃饭，接着又得再回去关。
不说那些了，没什么好提。
这个悠闲周末，倒是很久以来都没有的自在。不用出去给学生上课，不用做饭，不用打扫屋子，轻轻松松的坐在房间里，翘起脚，桌上放了杯清水，桌下开了暖炉，舒舒服服的读着我爱的三毛，和她一起世界各地玩一遍，真有意思！
日子不就应该是如此吗。
最近不晓得为什么，我都有好似忙不完的事。做完了这个，就得忙那个，忙完了那个，还有另一个要开始准备。忙倒是忙，心倒还没茫，还没把自己弄丢了，日子还是挺快乐的。
这人生中的忙碌，看来是逃不掉的了。现在是个开端，我想不会那么快结束的了，将来要真开始上班了，那忙起来才真是身不由己。大人总爱说，一生忙忙碌碌，看情况我变成他们那样的日子也不会太远了！话又说回来，身体固然忙碌，心中却是怎样的一番天地，那就得考功夫了。
在这个年头，我就来做个快乐的大忙人。
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
new term blue
New rotation started 2 days ago. 2 weeks holiday were gone too. No, it wasn't spent on any fabulous holiday plan, nor was it about having a good rest. SSC deadline was extended into the holiday and when the report and the holiday lab work were finally over, it was almost time to start uni again. This is a new rotation i'm fear of. So much worries that i might not cope.
sis is coming in 3 weeks time, which also mean assignment due in late march or early april have to be done as soon as possible so that when she comes, i have the time to spend with her as well as to bring her around. March is gonna be busy. He's too busy preparing for his Germany project, whilst I'm busy with the new rotation and chasing the deadlines. Somehow i got a feeling, we aren't gonna communicate or spend quality time with each other alot in the near future.
I really miss those days of our midnight chats over msn, early morning walk for the sunrise, late night strolls, squash dates, etc etc. You know what, you're a great person, you do have alot in you that i can't help but to fall in love with. But somehow, there's always one thing you seems to not have, time.
sis is coming in 3 weeks time, which also mean assignment due in late march or early april have to be done as soon as possible so that when she comes, i have the time to spend with her as well as to bring her around. March is gonna be busy. He's too busy preparing for his Germany project, whilst I'm busy with the new rotation and chasing the deadlines. Somehow i got a feeling, we aren't gonna communicate or spend quality time with each other alot in the near future.
I really miss those days of our midnight chats over msn, early morning walk for the sunrise, late night strolls, squash dates, etc etc. You know what, you're a great person, you do have alot in you that i can't help but to fall in love with. But somehow, there's always one thing you seems to not have, time.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Yeay! exam over!
and the next thing i did was intoxicated myself with one whole day of tvb series The Gem of Life from 3pm to 3am. hiak hiak. That might not the best way to spend the day post-exam and pre-ssc writing, but it was really really stress-free. =)
i simply cannot believe there's another exam down and soon one more rotation to go and we'll be done with 4th year! ok, now i just can't wait to start the next rotation! strange feeling, hmm.
anyway, time for a real battle now. the fearful SSC report writing. all the lab works are coming to an end. and the horrid part was that, just last week i for the first time asked my tutor what was the AIM of my whole project. That scared her quite a bit, she couldn't believe i simply not know what i was doing all along. but who ask her project to be so complicated! so the job now is not only to understand the whole complicated project, but also to be able to re-produce everything and put them into proper words and paper. crazy!
that's the next coming week all about. wish me luck people!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
CNY is here... and exam isn't too far away
this card came in post today. i was soo happy! what else can feel closer than a card from home. Thanks YingJie! just wait for me to go back for CNY next time. hopefully soon!
Dinner is just over and here i am sitting in front of the laptop and book, very very reluctant to look at the words in the book, it's always this feeling after dinner. 'c'mon, just give yourself a bit more time to relax, afterall u're gonna work hard for the next few hours!' and yeah, then before i even realise, the supposingly 15 mins break will always turn out to be at least 1 hour or more. as i'm blogging away, my angel is fighting with devil trying to pull me back to revision. ha ha, but too bad, i hereby announce angel loses and devil has the say.... for another 20 mins at least.
so it has been the 2nd day of the CNY, only the 2nd day. and i have to go back to book already. hmm. boring. for exams is only 1 and a half day away, and the scary bit is that, i have a whole load of throats problems yet to read. This is the Senses rotation covering the specialities of Opthalmology, Dermatology and ENT. I guess after this exams, we're all gonna be people with great Sense... sorry if my lameness is boring you
Chinese always believe it's better not to touch any book during the CNY, simply because of the similiar pronunciation between book (Shu) and lose (also Shu) in mandarin. and since i'm touching so many books this cny, i shall sincerely hope that lady luck will still kindly smile on me and shower me with the greatest luck in this exam!
I better blog something about the CNY. We did nothing much here except a reunion dinner with the coursemates and a yeesang dinner in bf's place. I figure out the best way to keep the CNY mood going in this foreign land is to, stay at home! for you can create a virtual cny atmosphere yourself, by playing loud CNY songs in the house, decorating dinner table with loads of mandarin oranges and make sure the house is clean and shiny with lots of tibits in the common area. But once you step out of the flat, everything seems just like another normal day for everyone. Not many actually know it's cny season. blah!
you can actually tell how much i'm missing home already. Everyone in the family has gone down to JB to celeberate the new year in grandma's place. Cousins, uncles and aunties are all there, happily chitchating, gambling, eating and enjoying! the reason why i said that was because all my calls this morning were completely ignored. their place got to be so noisy that they don't even hear the handphone ringing and they are simply too occupied. i'm jealous!
forget it.
so, these were what we had for the reunion dinner.
Yee Sang as the appetizer,
in progress 1
in progress 2 The busy camwhoring people:
Jovina my new housemate and Vinton.
Host of the night. roundy round bf Michael and happy Vinton.
Tada!
still camwhoring.Main course: Steamboat
errr, just ignore the facebook tag. i couldn't find this pic in my camera, had to printscreen from fb.
the South Clerk people.
this dinner supposed to happen in our place but, the stupid boiler decided to stop working right on the reunion night, three of us had to bring the whole dinner over to Michael's place and even our showering stuff! what an experience for reunion dinner! >_<
i think the theme for the night was to hold something and take picture. somehow in all pictures, eveyrone has to hold something in hands. =)
and Tong Yuen as dessert.
Happy Niu Year!
Monday, January 26, 2009
Happy Chinese New Year!!!
Hello everyone,
This is the 4th year of CNY spent overseas and over the phone. How good it would be to have daddy mummy siblings and grandmas around to spend a cny together. They still sounded so warm over the phone as ever.
and the pearl came from grandma who said, 'don't worry, study hard for your exam. next time u come back in june, i shall cook all the food we have today to make sure you can eat your share!' awwww... i want to go home! isn't having an elderly at home such a bless?
For those who are going home soon for cny, i'm very envious and may you all have a wonderful time back home. I sooo want to go home too!
and how can a cny has no cny songs to go along with, there is this astro one titled 庆祝 (Qing Zhu means celebration) which i think by far the best! enjoy.
Gong Xi Gong Xi!
may you have a PROSPEROUS and OXSPICIOUS year ahead and
for those who are studying for exams, may all of us pass with good results,
and may everyone enjoy one whole year of good health and good life!
Happy Chinese New Year!!!
for those who are studying for exams, may all of us pass with good results,
and may everyone enjoy one whole year of good health and good life!
Happy Chinese New Year!!!
This is the 4th year of CNY spent overseas and over the phone. How good it would be to have daddy mummy siblings and grandmas around to spend a cny together. They still sounded so warm over the phone as ever.
and the pearl came from grandma who said, 'don't worry, study hard for your exam. next time u come back in june, i shall cook all the food we have today to make sure you can eat your share!' awwww... i want to go home! isn't having an elderly at home such a bless?
For those who are going home soon for cny, i'm very envious and may you all have a wonderful time back home. I sooo want to go home too!
and how can a cny has no cny songs to go along with, there is this astro one titled 庆祝 (Qing Zhu means celebration) which i think by far the best! enjoy.
来庆祝来祝福 所有思念来倾诉
一年又一年 不管多忙碌
家中有等你回家的父母 就是最大的财富
Gong Xi Gong Xi!
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
The Meaning of Exam and Essays
is when sitting in front of computer after meal doesn't mean you can switch on tvb series without any guilt...
is when the book is laying in front of you, doesn't mean you are reading it and the next thing you realise you're immersed in is either msn or facebook.
is when every minute pass so quickly when you're away from book but times seems like ages dragging on when you start reading even the first paragraph of the textbooks.
is when you don't feel like reading books, doesn't mean your conscience let you do anything else. In the end, you're likely to end up sitting at one place daydreaming or blankly staring at the computer screen.
is when nothing else can cheer you up anymore. For whatever thing you do except study, it feels like something in the background is haunting you and ringing in the head saying, shouldn't you be studying?
is when you so want to get things over like the essay writing, but to get it started is harder than anything else.
is when midnight strikes again, and you're all tired and exhausted, you feel terribly bad going to bed without doing anything productive for the day and yet you're one day closer to exams and essay deadline.
is when the book is laying in front of you, doesn't mean you are reading it and the next thing you realise you're immersed in is either msn or facebook.
is when every minute pass so quickly when you're away from book but times seems like ages dragging on when you start reading even the first paragraph of the textbooks.
is when you don't feel like reading books, doesn't mean your conscience let you do anything else. In the end, you're likely to end up sitting at one place daydreaming or blankly staring at the computer screen.
is when nothing else can cheer you up anymore. For whatever thing you do except study, it feels like something in the background is haunting you and ringing in the head saying, shouldn't you be studying?
is when you so want to get things over like the essay writing, but to get it started is harder than anything else.
is when midnight strikes again, and you're all tired and exhausted, you feel terribly bad going to bed without doing anything productive for the day and yet you're one day closer to exams and essay deadline.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
If you listen to the rhythm of the pouring rain...
Hello everybody! revision is boring as usual lar. but if you're too bored from revision like me and been wandering around looking for inspiration or, too sick from the usual songs list in the comp, here's a good one to try for.
LeeHom being the eye candy is again difficult to resist! and for some unknown reasons, this song reminds me very much of Jason Mraz's Wordplay.
anyway, hope this song cheers u up a little too from the revision piles. =)
oh oh, and i might as well include another song of his that i like a lot but im sure its not something that everybody will like. very cheeky lyrics and very odd combo of instruments. hah! but isn't that very the leehom? i shall leave it for you to judge.
he's still as hot as before. **drool...** =)
LeeHom being the eye candy is again difficult to resist! and for some unknown reasons, this song reminds me very much of Jason Mraz's Wordplay.
anyway, hope this song cheers u up a little too from the revision piles. =)
oh oh, and i might as well include another song of his that i like a lot but im sure its not something that everybody will like. very cheeky lyrics and very odd combo of instruments. hah! but isn't that very the leehom? i shall leave it for you to judge.
he's still as hot as before. **drool...** =)
Sunday, January 11, 2009
you make my day :)
updates: fever has come down quite abit, as i'm typing this away, coughing is getting worse that makes me no difference from a TB patient...
quotes of the day coming from the very lovely bf,
'how come i felt like i'd been cooking for the whole day??'
... from someone who hardly cook yet has been trying to make porridge, steam fish, boil barley water and make pulut hitam all in a day time!
'sometimes i do hope that i'm the sick one, at least can sit back and do nothing.'
'see, i try so hard to feed you well, how come you still never get well?'
quotes of the day coming from the very lovely bf,
'how come i felt like i'd been cooking for the whole day??'
... from someone who hardly cook yet has been trying to make porridge, steam fish, boil barley water and make pulut hitam all in a day time!
'sometimes i do hope that i'm the sick one, at least can sit back and do nothing.'
'see, i try so hard to feed you well, how come you still never get well?'
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Sick, Again
So, I'm sick again, after 1 week of good health recovering from the post-ski flu. This time, it's even worse, high fever, extremely sore throat that voice is currently non-existent, sore muscle everywhere and lightheaded. been staying in bed for the whole day today. the only few things i could remember doing was waking up occasionally running to the loo, take panadol and drink water. Fever is terrible.
The day has been terribly unproductive as expected. gutted. especially when there are opthamology, dermatology, and ENT to read at the same time ssc report to produce. This rotation has been claimed the easiest of 4th year by far, but i'm not finding it stress free at all, especially it's right after holiday and my brain is at a near blank state. I want to work, so want to study and do all the stuff i need to, but please my dear body, don't let me down k?
Now things are slightly better, after sleeping for more than 18 hours today. Bf is so heart warming. I remembered mumbling in bed this afternoon saying I felt like drinking barley water to cool the temperature down. and to my very much surprise, I woke up to a big bowl of barley right in front of me. awww... thanks baby! and the part that make me laugh a little despite the high fever was that, apparently he didn't know barley water is not quite the same to red bean soup of which you can actually eat lots of red beans with the soup. The barley water was filled with beans and there wasn't much water to it. ha, that's very typical of the bf. =)
i'm going back to bed again, panadol is working well for now. i can at least stay awake for a little before the high temperature kick in again. this weekend is pretty much wasted again. grrr! very unwanted. seems like for the next 2 weeks, it's gonna be hard core revision to compensate for the loss. till then guys. have a lovely time revising. =)
The day has been terribly unproductive as expected. gutted. especially when there are opthamology, dermatology, and ENT to read at the same time ssc report to produce. This rotation has been claimed the easiest of 4th year by far, but i'm not finding it stress free at all, especially it's right after holiday and my brain is at a near blank state. I want to work, so want to study and do all the stuff i need to, but please my dear body, don't let me down k?
Now things are slightly better, after sleeping for more than 18 hours today. Bf is so heart warming. I remembered mumbling in bed this afternoon saying I felt like drinking barley water to cool the temperature down. and to my very much surprise, I woke up to a big bowl of barley right in front of me. awww... thanks baby! and the part that make me laugh a little despite the high fever was that, apparently he didn't know barley water is not quite the same to red bean soup of which you can actually eat lots of red beans with the soup. The barley water was filled with beans and there wasn't much water to it. ha, that's very typical of the bf. =)
i'm going back to bed again, panadol is working well for now. i can at least stay awake for a little before the high temperature kick in again. this weekend is pretty much wasted again. grrr! very unwanted. seems like for the next 2 weeks, it's gonna be hard core revision to compensate for the loss. till then guys. have a lovely time revising. =)
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Electives
2009 is gonna be a very bankrupt year, i figured. Elective in Sept/Oct is going to cost a bomb. For some reasons i'm not particualrly looking forward to it anymore, because of this major compulsory project of the year, I'm cancelling most of my travelling plan this year just to save up enough for it. That's the price to pay for trying to live independently financially from parents. On one hand, it's a bit of struggle yet on the other, it's just going to be another growing up process I guess. So no more Paris, no more Egypt, no more Ireland and no more Turkey. =(
I've submitted an application to the UM medical center and hopefully it's a yes from them. Whereas for the remaining month, I'm still contemplating between India and Australia. India has always been my top choice. But Dad was very reluctant to nod head after the various recent bombing incidents in the northeast india. I'm still going to send in application forms as planned.
Dad suggested Australia as a safety net choice. Hmm, I'd never really fancy going to that world most poisonous island for my elective and plus, the application fees and living expenses are quite high if i were to go to major cities.
St. Vincents Hospital remains the only hope now since it's Melbourne yet cheap and affordable. It's kind of strange that their elective co-ordinator is working on a part time basis and because of that, despite many attempts trying to catch him in the office by calling them up, he was never in the office. A lady mentioned he's coming back next week, so i'm going to try again, hopefully it's never too late to apply yet. If it's a yes from aus, i guess i'm just going to give up india, no point making Dad stressed for me for a month when i'm in India. Atm, I'm just praying that this attachment thing can be finalised as soon as possible and I can quickly settle down with a secure place in mind and start booking flight ticket.
Right, boring thing aside. To make the previous post slightly complete, this is going to be a quick summary of 2008. Physically, i grow rounder but not taller. Emotionally, it was a long and complicated roller-coaster ride, but thankfully things finally ended on a pretty pleasant note. There wasn't much memories from the first half of 2008, but second half was urmm... can i say colorful? Well, kind of good. Details in the next post, hopefully. I think I'm stopping here before it's night time again and I've to come up with a non-productive day.
Happy New Year people !
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Hello 2009!
hi everyone and happy new year! So another year has passed. and Hurray! I survived Christmas holidays here, for the first time without actually going home. Luckily, it wasn't that awful afterall; on the other hand, I still missed the boxing day and the opportunities seeing shoppers go crazy in town. Only till next year. But christmas in Tignes was awesome! Somehow the western new year never mean much to me as would the chinese new year, and as much as i remembered, my new year eve was spent in a totally unglam way, coughing my lungs out and blowing my nose all the way from last year to this year. Post-ski flu!
Hmmm... So, this year CNY I'm not going home again, despite this very much looking forward 'cny-coincide hols' in year 4 since year 1. Veyr much because of the money saving scheme, for........
and to make sure i play a good host, there are a few plans lying in my head already, umm... probably a roadtrip to highlands, could do a visit to london (guess what, the last time I went london was 2 years ago! i'm praying hard i don't have to get my way lost!), and might be eating out in a few dining places in the Burgh that I liked alot, and also i musn't forget to make her do my housechores and do tesco groceries for me. Sis, if you're reading this, you'll know what to expect from here.
Hmmm... So, this year CNY I'm not going home again, despite this very much looking forward 'cny-coincide hols' in year 4 since year 1. Veyr much because of the money saving scheme, for........
Finally someone from home is coming to pay me a visit!SIS IS COMING IN MARCH TO VISIT!!!
and to make sure i play a good host, there are a few plans lying in my head already, umm... probably a roadtrip to highlands, could do a visit to london (guess what, the last time I went london was 2 years ago! i'm praying hard i don't have to get my way lost!), and might be eating out in a few dining places in the Burgh that I liked alot, and also i musn't forget to make her do my housechores and do tesco groceries for me. Sis, if you're reading this, you'll know what to expect from here.
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