Sipadan for Summer

style="font-size:+0;">

I'm so going to persuade Mr. Gan to go Pulau Sipadan with me this summer, for a diving course! Have always wanted to do it so sO SO badly, and now, EVEN MORE, after reading this, this and this .

How to resist right, you tell me??

and rumour has it that Sipadan is going to be made outbound from tourists in a few years time! More of the reason I need to go soon! So, Sipadan! you stay still like a Siput, don't run, I'm coming this summer!

Hasn't been calling home for a few weeks

For the first time, my mum is panic of not getting my calls home.

So many things I wish I could tell her, on the other hand,

so many things I'm afraid she wouldn't give her approval and acknowledgement.

Today has been beautiful ^_^

Nice people are always around, and I'm grateful I get to meet these people. Life has always been a circle. You never know because of your existence, people has reason to put on a big smile on their faces. =)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~~First, it was Dr. Grubb.~~

So I went in to see him today, asking if he can be my supervisor for SSC next year. Of course he was fully booked, as expected. But what surprised me was, after saying a 'No', he told me to not worry. He will ask other Cardiology consultants if they have any vacancy for me and said he will find me one before the deadline! Seriously, he could have just say a NO and the rest is my own my problem already, it's afterall my own responsibility to find a project. Instead, he took the responsibility over. Where on earth can you find a consultant like that? thanks very very very much Sir, I'm sincerely grateful for your kindness. ^_^

~~ Secondly, it was Mr. Housemate. ~~

His birthday today and we went out for sushi dinner, and i'm so broke now. But ok lar, once a year mah. As I was watching youtube, he knocked on my room door and gave me tomorrow lectures' notes! That's like 5 in a row or smth! He printed all out for me, nicely stapled and arranged in sequence, you know, just like that kind you can order and get from bookstore back home. So nice! hmm, 'Nice' wouldn't do him justice, tooooo nice, superbly nice.

The earth spins, so am I

Yesterday we went out and celebrated Matt's birthday, oh yah! happy bIrTHdaY hsemate!

and yours truly down 8 or 9 shooters, lost count also. people always get drunk on Matt's birthday, somehow. haha.

need no say, this morning is a guaranteed hangover. with the world spinning around quite badly, thirsty mouth, and can't process things properly, I'm now resorting to MSN and Blogger to spend time with. Lucozade is now my best friend. Alcohol is baaaad.

oh you know what?? my w580i spoilt!!! this morning I wanted to check msg, then upon sliding it open, I saw nothing but a blank screen. so my first response was, oh, no batt. charge it. then, as i waited for 5 minutes, I pressed buttons again, blank still! hmm, was it not on? i thought. okay, thats when I discovered a disaster. when I on it, i heard sounds, keypads lit up! but screen was all blank! Oh goD! how to live without a phone la! faint. hopefully tomorrow Monday can get things sorted out, double triple finger crossed.

don't think...

我还能吗？

爱情有时很考人，也很伤人。

early this morning while wrapped up in duvet, I had this very silly thought, yes it is silly, I gotta admit, I thought if you don't love me anymore, I can just die right now.

okay, I should just forget about it.

Random

There were times when I had doubt in the suitability of myself becoming a doctor and the passion required to be one. Today as I was looking through application for placement in 4th year and the information on 5th year elective choices, (I must say med sch here damn kiasu okay! 3rd year only already want us to start planning and arranging schedules for 2 years down the road!)

I came to realise one point,

there's no turning back in med sch anymore. no more.

at this point, I can't possibly give up doing medical degree, don't think I can still do another job or a new degree, or even switching to another profession.

there are certainly prices to pay to come to this point, considering the 7 weeks one viscious cycle (times 3) being endured so far, and the amount of money sponsor had been putting in, the times where only depression+boredom+loneliness occupied, the choice of leaving loved ones, etc.

To know there are much more challenges to come and there would be perhaps hundred times more taxing than now, I can only continue the journey and keep going on.

happy - need to do. unhappy - still need to do. no point complaining anymore.

p/s: I must have sound like a big loser.

Uncertainties...

...are disturbing.

The feelings of: not knowing what lies ahead, the inability to predict them, and the doubtfulness of oneself's ability to handle such uncertainties, can be quite depressing.

Sacrifices and efforts got to be put in yet, more oftenly I was caught in the dilemma of 'how much?' to actually put in. when is the point to stop and turn back or even let go?

I wish I know.

As days go on, many answers unveil. At the same time, more problems lie ahead.

things happen when you least expect....

phewww.... what a relief!

am home finally after 4 and 1/2 hours of 'teaching' in hospital. Or shall I not say teaching.

It's a big big SCAM la wei!

....a SPOT OSCE! can u imagine, grrr.

so the plot goes, our consultant told us the OSCE exam is on Tues. and today Monday, his registrar will give us a teaching session to prepare us for tmr's real deal. Yeah, so we happily went in at 3pm, having nothing at all in mind. It's like preparing a nice clean cd for the installation of useful datas later.

Howeverrr.... things went amiss when Phil showed up and went in a calm tone,

'we're going to do OSCE today, and you guys don't have to come in again tomorrow.'

.................................. it was then a long pause.

total blank reactions from us. nothing to say.

and the next thing I remember was, I was brought to patients and have to start taking history and do an examination!

so, 10 minutes each for history taking and clinical examination.

nothing much to tell from there, nothing interesting, merely my corticosteroids and adrenaline shooting sky high and muscarinic pathways continously sending signals down my sweat glands on palms.

.

.

yeah, it was all over.

and he refused to give us feedback on the spot. so, there will be another session on Wednesday to collect our results. and written exam is on Friday. and I'm so screwed with my revision.

after the test, we stayed and watched a chest drain procedure. it's basically 'drilling' a hole on the chest, using a range from small to large plastic tubes to make a big enough hole to insert a tube into the lung space for PUS to drain out. yeah, smelly, very!

so it sums up to a total 4 and a half hours in ward, 3pm -7.30pm.

speechless lah.

so much of being caught to do osce at the MOST UNPREPARED timing.

I even made a deal with my housemate to do a mock osce tonight to prepare for tomorrow. looks like it's no longer needed.

hmm, perhaps I can take a good bath and have a nice sleep early tonight.

can't be bothered.

on the last day of February...

...is a splurge of spending again, after 4 weeks of total abstinence from the Princes Street.

when was the last time I spent actually? can't really remember d, seems like it was for the medics ball purpose, if that was it, then yeah, it was a month ago...

oh wait... one thing I must clarify beforehand, I DID NOT go on Princes St. today on any of my own selfish thoughts, it was to accompany a fren's wife who came all the way from Malaysia to live with her husband here until he graduate next year, for some cold weather neccessities shopping.

but, sad to say, in the end I bought more stuffs than her! ermm.....actually it isn't fair to say 'more' lah, in fact she went home empty handed and me happily carrying 2 big bags. haha, u can imagine! hopefully I didn't bored her to death. XD

maybe she just didn't find the stuffs she like. actually she was quite right in the sense that, most stuffs here see already don't really get to buy also, not say they always have our size to fit. one thing, she's definitely smaller and thinner than me. 39kg, oh maan, finger cross edinburgh wind don't blow her away.

" Hello sis! see these? hahahahaha, I know you going to complain on me wasting money again.

haha, tell you what, i'm doing all these on purpose. cause I speculate you'll be going online this weekend from your ulu college and for sure will come and kepoh in my blog. this is just to make your blood circulation go abit faster, people say it is good for heart you know?

oh another thing, see that straightener in the pic?

Sis, you know what? I was dilemmaing whether to buy this set of 3 different curlers at 9.99 pds (thanks to some mother day's sales discount) or to wait for Vidal Sassoon stock to come which is at a much higher price. In the end I decided to go for the cheaper one.

and my reason was... if this set don't work too well, I'll be all glad and happy to let you have it, isn't it a wonderul birthday present? =) then, i'll come back and get the VS one. If it works pretty alright, then I'll figure out something else to bring home for you this summer.

Ain't I just a very nice and thoughtful sister? count yourself lucky to have one. *evil laugh* "

Time to work again!

Today when I sat in shuttle bus on my way back from hospital, I was talking with Jenn and her one sentence struck me,"'shiying ar... (her so typical grandma starting, haha! ), one more rotation n we'll be in year 4." then i went, "yahor, like very fast hor..."

hell yeah true! serious shit, I can so forsee this respi rotation is going to sweep pass very very quickly as all the others, since we're now already at the 2nd half of the rotation. this is our normal med school rotation layout (repeats itself every 7 weeks):

(I purposely make it so colorful so you won't get bored reading thru, hehe)

1st wk: laze around, celebrate last rotation over.....

2nd wk: start to pay abit attention n thought reli want to pick up for the rotation, alwiz regret for not studyin much for the last rota

3rd wk: work abit, still resting... nth too urgent wat, hmm!......

4th wk: OH NO, portfolio fever! arghh...my english so bad, how to squeeze out anohter 4 pages long discussion, haiz.. sure depressed

5th wk: hahahaha, portfolio over, rest abit la, after such an exhausted weekend.....

6th wk: go "oh-no" again! exam next week. start to find stuffs to read, usually can't start, due to slackness and unable to concentrate, played too much

7th wk: serious serious rush. can't do anything. everyday wake up think of what to study, which topics haven't cover. start to find eveyrthing soOo interesting, as long as it isn't Davidson.

haha, with that kind of attitude, yeah, managed to pull myself thru the 3 quarter of 3rd yr. although isn't with any flying colours results. hmm....actually, when was the last time i had excellent excellent results, coming out from exam hall having that feeling I knew that i didn't do too badly??? primary school probably.

hmm... hw come hor?

is it bcoz i'd become less demanding in myself and is okay to settle with lesser achievements? or is it bcoz things juz get harder in life and only ppl with true passion can shine, so don't aim too high?

but anyway, i think this march is not going to be very significant. in a week or two time, you'll see me start to stress out with exams again and start posting depressing stuffs here again,

aikz, wat a cycle!

then at end of the exam, it's gonna be travelling time of the year!! Spain and Prague! here I come.

then after touring our head off at the end of march on the europe continent, i'll have to drag my ass back to the boring serious work and work for my last rotation before I can go home again!

wonder if Mr. Gan can still remember my face by then, hope he gets his com soon so we can start seeing each other online la! hmm..he promised after this general election

coz he'll be going back to Muar to vote at the same time collect his lappie, right, let's see la!

btw, I was talking with him on phone n said, "ei, u care to vote meh?" and he went, "don't vote have to pay fine one lerr" .... got such thing meh in Msia?? weird. or mayb it's me underknowledge.

so, yeaah, this time I decided to start revision earlier, by this week 5, hopefully can make it. to eveyrone who's working for march 14th exam as well, good luck! let's work now and not get depressed later! we've easter awaiting us!!! =) =) =)

Portfolio fever?? haha, what's that?

~~~Yippie yeai yeai yippie yippie yeai...!!

Portfolio DONE! *hohoho*

another portfolio down, and one last more to go 7 weeks later before we say byebye to 3rd year! hurrayyy!

actually it also means, 3 more weeks to another stressful exams.

arh, not thinking bout that, sleep first.

night, world!~

p/s: a little prayer - hopefully I can live life with passion, not feeling depressed, not getting stressed out, not feeling annoyed; is able to face everything with an open and cheerful heart. ^ ^ countdown to home: 96 days.

忙 = 茫

'm too dry to squeeze out anymore english words for this post, alphabets make me feel like puking, arghh...i hate portfolio!

.

.

.

人总是容易在忙乱中迷失，

架起了防备的武装，

深怕被揭穿另一面的茫然，

生活的紧凑节奏，

时间总有其他的目的，

什么时候对感觉开始麻木，

靠在你身边的温暖仿佛属于上个世纪，

卸下装备才发现

竟然忘了，

还应该用心感觉

hearting respi =)

of all the modules since 1st year, I always dislike Respiratory system the most.

and so, when i was about to start the respi rotation 4 weeks ago, not at all i was keen at finding myself enthusiasm and motivation.

yea so, Simpson became my tutor, with a group of over-enthusiatics batchmates in my year (wei, they're very very enthu wan lor, never did i met anyone who self motivate to go wards every morn with the aim of at least talk to one patient a day, hoho, ganas right?)

it's weird how passions can be contagious and people's attitude can also change the way we perceive things.

or maybe it was because, with the least expectations, always come the great end-results.

haha, don't get me wrong, exam hasn't start yet and my results's still an unknown! what i meant was, because of my group, because of Simpson,

I actually LIKE respi and begin to ENJOY it!

for the very first time, I realise clinical thinking can be so systematic,

interviews can be so organised,

differential diagnosis have to be formed immediately after asking about patient's symptoms,

examination is not only about finished doing what we have to, instead to pick up signs to rearrange the order of differential diagnosis' list,

then, order appropriate investigation to rule out possibilities,

and finally nail down a diagnosis...

these could be smth too simple to be known by most medics, yet this's my very first time to actually understand them... to see lights in so many things i was taught to do but not really knowing how to tie them up. =) =) =)

sometimes, days can seems to be satisfying, even though it's only about understanding small little stuffs.

this is quoting Matt, good teachers are everywhere and they do inspire people. yeah, i guess true passion can always affect people around, in a very good way.

oh actually, I heard Simpson isn't very well generous in portfolio's marks and professional skills grades. hohoho, gooood luck to me!

oh well, to him, I could be a weirdo in the group who always fail to amuse him with jokes or spectacular response to his words, unlike others. and everytime he tells joke.. erm, I can laugh la if really want me to, but to say something in return, err...don't think so la, not that I don't want to, but really don't know what to say. could be culture difference, could be different in mindset, whatever it is, most of the time, I only smiled and keep quiet.

anyway, i do heart my tutor, he's such a charismatic n good teacher =) =) =)

I can't sleep, so excited! =)

Prague and Spain!!!

we're coming!

yeai yeaii! we finally get our easter booking done, after so much hassles and headache. hehez, anyway, i'm sooooooo excited. these two places have always be my dream-place.

Prague with its famous red-rooftop-yellow-walls' buildings, Bohemian's styles of freedom, tasty Goulash and knedliky... i can so feel my excitement. =)

... and the clock's story I once listened in awe, about how the king ordered a higly skilled craftman to make the best clock at that time, and how the poor craftman was made blind later on by the king, to make sure that there'll be no second one to exist in this world....

.

.

.

Bohemian fashion.

Their free-spirited personalities moved them to mix a variety of patterns and textures for a rich and overwhelming look.

Google says,

~~"The essence of "Bohemian" philosophy is to enjoy oneself. Bohemians revolted against owning land and claiming one fixed place as "home." Their sole purpose in life was to express themselves freely without the censorship of societal morals. Therefore, none of the art that they created, poetry, paintings, music or fashion grew from the intent to make money. It was created for the love of self-expression and the purpose of tracking them for goods they needed to live. Money never entered the equation. ~~

oh wOw. haha.

and Spain!

need not say, i bet you can tell me what barcelona and madrid will be like! Passion for everything: food, art, architecture, fashion, thats Spanish.

Gaudi was once been doubt he's either a genius or an idiot.

haha. anyway, I'm going there, soon, yes, after portfolio's done, and after exam's over, AGAIN. grr.

while i was randomly looking for pictures, I stumbled across these two interiors. aren't they pretty? I want something like that also for my future house...

p/s: David and Matt, if you guys are reading it, feel excited too! we're going to be travelling in a month time. good luck with your revision and our portfolios! the rest of our travelmates, don't think they'll read this post or even know this blog anyway, so haha, I can only share this bits of joys with you two. excited onot??

I need a space to breathe.

Ahh.... I'm home finally! after such a long day. 9am -7pm in the hospital, what a record in respi rotation huh?

and I hate this feeling to bits, coming home being overwhelmed by this feeling of extreme uselessness and stupidity.

not fun, not fun at all.

Was on Simpson, my respi tutor on-call shift for the evening seeing patients coming in fresh and being examined then admitted into ward afterwards. it's when you get to spend time alone with your consultant and his registrar, and for me it's always disheartening...

I think it's just me, everytime when they talked among themselves, i mean the registrar and the consultant, I usually don't quite get their conversation, I must have got serious learning difficulty and speech understanding problems. tonight, antonia was with me. apparently, those two doctors were joking alot among themselves and antonia was laughing along happily. but, i dun understand them at all! i tried, seriously i tried, but i still couldnt understand. yet, i laughed, pretended to laugh along, as you know consultant and registrar always like to turn back and look at medical students behind them each time after their jokes expecting to see our reactions.

what else can i do other than pretending to lauugh along.

i know i'm all lame and fake.

its like nothing else i can do, i couldnt possibly ask antonia everytime what was it about after each joke right?

and when all these were over in 3 hours, i was so relieved, that I can finally pull myself out from this awkward situation, feeling like a stupid dumbass, putting on a fake smile all along not udnerstanding anything from ppl's conversation.

depressing, certainly.

and now, i'm finding a way out to cheer myself up again, like mayb eating out? dun wan to see myself in this way lar, being all helpless. why is my english so badddddddddd!

ahhhhh. emo emo emo. for being such a weirdo and dummy.

p/s: today, a junior and I were talking. he asked me how I celebrated valentine yest. i replied, 'how to celebrate when bf's not here la.' he then went on, 'HA HA HA, dun bluff me la, u where got bf one??' -while laughing his head off- me: -_-

and of all person, these were coming from someone who actually sent himself a V-card on V-day. well, you must be curious how could i possibly know this. the fact was that, when he was buying and writing the card addressed to himself, someone from my year spotted it and spreaded to the world. This had become one of our best valentine's day joke for almost a year already.

I'm not trying to be sarcastic. but junior, it's always good to be low-profile in this city, if you haven't realised.