Leave me alone

Can people stop messaging me nonsense like these:

'do you know where your flatmate is? I can't get them...' but;

'can I go over later to get stuff from your flatmatE?' and;

'can you stay in and open door for me when I go over?'

C'mon! Can you PLEASE ask my flatmate directly? I'm NOT their personal assistant or what, if you can't get them, don't bother borrowing stuffs then! I come online on msn not to deal with their daily schedules and to tell you when are they going to be in, God knows... and if I don't reply you, Stop nudging me! You wouldn't want to see me start scolding people.

Sorry. Please bear with me. I know these are small matters, it's just me being grumpy. Pardon people who try to get their sleep cycle right yet things don't seems to work whilst exam is getting nearer.

On a better note, I feel particularly inferior today after clinics. Seems like many people out there are bravely fighting against major life-threatening problems, simply to live on. Whereas me still grieving over the minor past and not picking myself up. Of a sudden, I feel I should at least, be grateful with things I have now.

Just to mention, in clinics today:

- I interviewed a 52-yrs-old man who apparently can swim 150 laps a week. Woah!

- For the first time, we practise blood taking on each other. My partner poke me, happily wiggling the needle beneath my skin; still, no blood came out. Boo! & Ouch! :-(

Proudly present to you

You might think something is different in this page today. =P

YES, you are right!~

TADA! Hehe. As you can see, this blog has obviously undergone some changes and this is what yours truly have been spending one whole day on, Cis! Should be studying neurology and gastroenterology instead. But never mind, what's done is done, can't turn back the time.

Come, let me introduce you these 'great' efforts of mine. =) New features include:

1) "I am..." :

Updates of my current status. Mainly of thoughts that most occupy my mind recently.

2) Musics:

Finally! It's soo difficult to post up chinese songs. Although only limited choices available at the moment due to slight technical problems, still hope you enjoy them. There are my favourites! =)

3) Favorit:

Latest pics of me!!

~ Favorit is a cafe selling yummy Ben&Jerry waffles downstairs of which I enjoy spending my spare times at.

~ Purpose of having this section is actually to enable my stupid sister to recognise my 'continuously-growing-rounder' face the next time she sees me in airport.

So, hope you enjoy yourself here reading my daily complaints. Blogger's new template seems quite fun to play with. Can't believe I'd spent whole day doing these.

p/s: It's 3.51 am now. I'm not sleeping today. Hopefully it helps restore my sleep-wake cycle to normal again. Don't want to wake up at 3pm and have breakfast at 5pm anymore like today.

Alamak!

GOSH!!!!

Phone bill this month makes me jump man!

Aikz. Ever since Sept, by reasons of great tempt from cashback deals and fun of collecting, had got myself 3 phones (with 1000 free minutes per month to call home). Simply to make my life easier without the hassles of carrying 3 phones around, smartly, I make use of calls diverting function so that calls to any of my 3 numbers will automatically be diverted to just one phone.

Naively, all these while I thought calls diverting is free of charge as it only makes the caller calls another number automatically. Apparently I am so wrong! All diverted calls are charged on my bills!!!

Haiz, at the end of the day, I manage to figure out how it works. The concept goes like this: I have 3 lines, A, B & C. All calls to A & B are diverted to C. If someone calls A, instead of making the person calls C automatically, it simply makes my phone A calls C automatically. And of course, calling from A to C is charged on my own bills. GeRaM...!!!

p/s: oh yeah, apart from that, HAPPY BIRTHDAY YINGJIE!

don't know if ur internet connection allows you to read this =P ; but still, May many happy returns, stay young stay cheerful, all the best to you blah blah blah... and the fact is, we are all OLD now.=)

I am doing fine

Jenn was right. Healing always slowed by avoidance and sped up by acceptance. I am accepting...

A few hours ago, I was mourning, upsetting, even crying. The post before this explains everything.

But,

That shouldn't be the way I live my life

If I were to posses the determination to have loved you this long, I'm sure the same determination can take me through in giving you up and wishing you (with her) all the best with all I can. Also, live my life well without your presence.

Went gym today. Surprising huh! Can't believe I actually jog non stop on treadmill for an hour. Now I know I can whenever I am determined...

~ This will be the last time I shed tears for you. ~

~This is a decision I myself made this March.~

~This is what we hope for when waving each other goodbye -

a better future with the presence of a more suitable person. ~

~Although the hand you are holding now isn't mine anymore,

with no regreats I'm glad we once held each other's. ~

The cold doesn't go away...

Feels unusually cold today.

Drank a cup of hot cereal, ate my favourite half-boiled eggs

despite with scarfs and layers of clothes, even with socks on feet, I'm still freezing.

The cold doesn't go away, my body isn't warming up.

Glutamate controls memory, Serotonin controls mood and behaviour, CRH affects gastrointestinal tract normalities, 7th cranial nerves stimulates tear glands....what am I talking. I wish I've glutamate deficiency to forget, serotonin overdose to cheer up, 7th cranial nerves palsy to not shed tears, CRH antagonist to restore appetite.....

Are you telling a truth? Please say no....

Awaiting the beautiful, expensive, and cold

Hehe, unlike normal clinical practice Tuesdays of which I either come home dismayed or depressed, today I am happy.

Bet she never know how her abnormally encouraging attitudes today has made all 5 of us in the group happy like small kids treated with sweets. =)

Oddly, today my Evil GP is not sarcastic, discouraging nor unpredictable. She smiles pretty normal. It's not that she's like a stone never smile, just often doesn't smile at the right time nor with the right tone. Trust me, most of the time, I rather she shouts at me than 'smiles'. At least I will know what I've done wrongly with my patient's checkup.

I supposed she has good intentions always. We found out today she has no kids albeit married. Maybe she is just not good at dealing with kids and saying encouraging lines like:

'it's ok, don't worry', 'come, try it again', 'you are doing well enough',

like how daddy mummy used to tell us at age of 5 or 6. Shouldn't hate her so much afterall.

On an even happier note, hehe, I'm going to Oslo! A city Swiss bank awarded with the honor of being the most expensive city in the world and having the most expensive food in Europe.

Wonder how I will be freezing in a land with an average temperature of -6.8°C... so crazy lar!~

I just hate....

Today, everything is just wrong. I hate many feelings that arise, and I hate myself because of them.

I hate sleeping late and waking up at the wrong time. And my whole day plan just gone.

I hate stoning in front of computer wasting hours doing nothing.

I hate staring at one note for many hours and still not getting them into my head.

I hate procrastinating and having an unvacumned room for days and sights of numerous unknown dust on the carpet.

I hate opening the fridge to find nothing appetising nor edible.

I hate going into a kitchen with no plate or bowl available for a meal.

I hate feeling cold in the room alone and the house being empty.

I hate seeing many phones sitting on table yet no one to call.

I hate coming home with shopping bags and have only walls to share my joys and excitements.

I hate when halfway bathing, coldwater start running down my head.

I hate myself of waiting for your message.

I hate people of not believing when I am telling truths, or simply answer with a 'Orh, IS IT?', or 'SO what?'.

I hate people who actually say 'yes, yes, yes...' in front and do things totally opposite right after. Hypocrite.

I hate people who can't differentiate a joke from normal conversations and even worse, expecting my serious explanations afterthat.

I hate people who always think they are right and why must they believe in others.

I hate people with no gut to own up their own acts.

I hate looking at tonnes of notes instead of knowing what they say, comtemplating of where my motivation has gone to....

What has happened to me? I don't know. Could it be simple pms-ing or I am losing my head?

I start missing home. I want mummy, daddy and my sisters. I don't want to live here alone.

17/11 - 13/12

It's exams preparation season again. Times where everyone starts to get busy at home stressing out with notes and distances from others. I hate this feeling. Hope to have someone to talk to yet no one is here to listen.

Emotionally dependent on a person is always not secure. Especially when I don't know if I am being overdependent or what. Having an activity partner is always fun, yet no when starts feeling uncertain of if there is anything going on beyond that point. I hope not.

Exam is near but where is my motivations to study? Guess I have lost them all long ago. But, I do hope it comes back when I need it. Less than 1 month to master 60 lectures. That is like 3 lectures a day. And one lecture covers like what, 40 pages in a normal book. Bet even scanning machine can't do as fast.

Are these because of you?

Feeling lost, confused, puzzled and guilt-ridden.

Stubbornly, I refuse to admit anything, not even to myself. All I've been doing is telling myself that I hope I don't, because I know I shouldn't. People behaves funnily. Doing things which they clearly know is wrong yet helplessly falling into the trap.