Contemplation

I might looked tough on the surface yet ironically, I'm actually an ostrich person deep down.

Whenever there are serious things, I'm always the kind of person that hides her head under the sand and quietly pray that things will get solved by itself. Not a very good attitude i know.

I always look up to people who can face issues bravely, take things in stride, walk through storm with all the true feelings and steadily claim victory or declare failure at the end. I'm seldom someone like that. I'm too much a coward.

Do no harm, something we were told since young. How do one find their courage when they know what they are going to do will bring harm to others?

Growing up seems never easy, often with no pain, there won't be gain. Right and wrong, good and bad seems like two different things. Something might seems like a bad thing to do, but it could be the right thing to do. I'm kind of confused actually.

On one hand, I hate myself being this ostrich, being someone so selfish and unconsiderate. On the other hand, where do I find the courage?

On a short note

2 weeks holidays has officially ended. tomorrow will be time to get fully geared up again and prepare for another 14 weeks of battle. okay la, not exactly battle, but definitely something to be serious with. i haven't been really serious with studies for quite some times already.

~~~

最近都在听郑中基的一首歌，叫做“别爱我”。很老很老的一首歌，不过我却是在最近才发现的。感觉很像发现新大陆。

老人家说的话原来都挺有道理的，很多东西可能大家都知道也都听得厌了，不过始终没有亲生经历还是很难会去相信。好人在这世上也许会有很多，但是好人却不一定会是对的人。

世上的东西往往很矛盾。比如说，你可能会很想很想吃一样东西，结果你就花了大半心思想把它弄出来，结果花了大批心思，买材料啊，准备啊等等。结果弄好了，却又突然不想吃了。原来追求的不是那份结果，而是其中的过程。

最近迷上了三毛的作品，在这里还能看到中文书，实在是难得难得。可能有些人会觉得三毛是个男人，其实不是。她是个台湾人，后来嫁给了个西班牙人，选择到了撒哈拉沙漠去生活。她的书大部分都是以沙漠中的生活为背景，写成的一部部游历。虽然整个两个星期的假期我什么地方都没去，不过精神上，却是到了沙漠里走了一回。原来我还是喜欢看书，我还以为我大了就再也不喜欢书本里面的世界了。大概是因为天天都得看课本，看多了自然也反感了。书中自有黄金屋是对的。

成绩出了，考得不好。不是想象中的。其实也不能怪得了谁，就是一个懒字和没有尽心尽力。不过还好，因为整个过程我是很享受的。

假期的最后，病了。大概是太多东西最近在脑里面钻造成的。不说了，该睡了。明天还要早起。

原来说对不起不难，真正的对不起是不能用语言来表达的。

Am I actually depressed?

speechless...

tired...

worthless...



I shouldn't be feeling this way during a holiday isn't it

Back to Basics

Exam's officially over and it's 1/3 through 4th year already. so fast.

3 weeks of GP in Borders, 3 weeks of Western Neuro and 6 weeks Psych...

and it's all over now, on one hand im glad, on the other, i wish these times could be longer.

Holidays has now officially begun. and it's a 2 weeks break.

after much contemplation, for the sake of money saving and the ski trip in Dec, I will just stay in the Burgh.

Plan for now would be to spend some time with myself, do things that i'd always wanted to but couldn't find a time, flip through my national geographics, wake up at my own time, and spending some times with family which I havent been speaking to properly over the past few weeks, and that two babies look so big already over the webcam! i felt i'd hardly spend time with them when they're at this growing age. missing them...

during these three months ever since the summer, my mood had been fairly pleasant and less depressed like previous, which is a good thing. not entirely sure if it is bcoz of the sun endorphenic effect or the days are actually spent in a better way.

Sometimes i wonder if i have problems in social interaction, when one should be feeling happy for exams are over, im actually a bit down in mood today with reasons remain unknown. perhaps its bcoz of the sudden lost in direction. it could have also come from the subconscious mind when you know you're slowly losing something. the worst part about it, is when you're not even sure if you should own it in the first place. for things like this, , I guess even though the lost could be sensed, it's just not easy to voice it out, for it wasn't even properly acknowledged at the first place.

i should be contented. and not bothering too much about things i shouldn't be. afterall its just back to the basics.

p/s: Mary Poppins tonight was good. I wish i have a magician nanny like her with me now.

some nice lil quotes to share:

Enthusiasm
Age may wrinkle the face,but lack of enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.

Wisdom
What you do not want done to yourself do not do to others

Love
Selfish persons are incapable of loving others,but they are not capable of loving themselves either

Health
Those who think they have no time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness

Mind
It is not enough to have a good mind. One must use it well.

Work
Work banishes those three evils; boredom, vice and poverty.

Achievement
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.

Life
Women hope men will change after marriage but they don't;Men hope women won't change but they do.

Character
A man's character is determind by how hard he fights for what he believes in.

People
He liked to like people,therefore people liked him.

Thoughts
thoughts lead on to purposes;
Purposes go forth in action;
Actions form habits;
Habits decide character;
and character fixes our destiny.

享受年轻

医院是个很特别的地方，就好像一个人生的休息站。不管什么样的人，在人生的过程当中都会生病，都要进来“工厂”里修一修，修好了又再回到原来的生活轨道，继续原来的生活。所以在医院里什么样的人都有机会碰到，什么样的人生阶段都有机会看见。

看见七十岁的老太太拿着拐杖走进来，我就会想，我老了会是怎么样的呢？有一天我是不是也会像这些老先生老太太一样？年轻真的很好，身体又好，头脑又清醒，想做什么就能做什么。很多我们平时生活中觉得简单到不行根本不是问题的事情，换成了一个身体有残缺的，又或是一个老人，对他们来说，可能就要费尽心思才能完成。年轻就是这样好，都不会察觉其实人都会老，天天有一大堆精力去冲去闯，去做想要做的事。

医院的隔壁有间学校，天天我放了学后就会看见一大群十五六岁的学生背着书包走在路上。看着他们有说有笑的走在一起，原来很多东西都在不知不觉中慢慢的改变了，我不再是上着学校的学生了，我不再是像他们那个年纪一般无忧无虑了，而我也好像不再像从前一样那么容易笑得开心了。我是不是长大了呢？是不是算是个大人了呢？是不是有一天爸爸妈妈都会离开，而由我一个人去面对生活？外国的小孩十八九岁就不再和爸爸妈妈一起住了，出外一起吃饭都是各自结账的了，爸爸妈妈也把他们当成是家里的大人来看待，很少会再诸多叮咛了。

在医院里就经常有机会把人生的过程看一遍。看看人是怎么来到这个世界，怎么样被家人宠着疼着长大，怎么样为年轻工作打拼，怎样教育子女，然后计划怎么退休，看孙子长大，接着怎么步入老年，身体有毛病...等等。 佛陀说，每一人都会有生老病死。我天天都在看着这样的人生过程，时不时就会想象我将来在人生那个阶段会是怎么样。

人的一生其实很短暂。五六十年好像很长，其实也不过很短而已。

年轻就只有这么一次，我很希望，我的人生会是一个多姿多彩有价值的人生。

Self-declared holiday, grant myself a chance to laze abit

Monday morning it is. Instead of being in the medium security Psychiatry unit, I'm sitting in front of my lappie, thinking of what I should get for lunch (for the fridge in flat had broke down hence gone all the food supplies), and have decided to declare myself a morning oFF! =)

Is it just me? I have this feelings that time seems to fly by TOO quickly as each week just come and go thaat fast, i wish I could grab it tighter and not let it slip pass that easily. but anyway, forget about that emo. im so hungry right now!!! can't continue to root here, gonna die of starvation very soon.

blog only later la, was gonna write about last week prison and scotland high security psychiatry hospital visit. but later la, probably tonight. really need to find some food.

oh oh!! so nice of JPA! Just now I was thinking about calling them later to find out whereabouts is my cheque which should really come in 2 weeks ago. then, just 1 min ago, they phoned and said they are gonna send it by today. hehe. it feels good isn't it, when things you have in head just come true by themselves before you need to say them out or to take any actions. =)

anyway, have a nice week ahead shiying!

some pics from last weekend Jennifer's 21st party, hello young lady!

Welcome to the aDuLt world!

pretty isnt she? although it was a pre-celebration, it was good fun and good ambience. Jenn, if you're reading this, may many many happy returns. =) xxx.

alright, tell me im not round. thats the thing having to stand next to someone who's so skinny and slim. i really need some serious exercise now.

new haircut

new motto: LES well = (live, eat, sleep) well.

Grrrrrrr!!!

Yahoomail used to be part of my daily routine. Everyday I come home from hospital, this is the first website I check once the laptop is on.

Yet, 2 weeks ago, it decided to go mad. First, I could log in, but strangely I couldn't access the emails. and this is what they said 2 weeks ago,

"There was a problem accessing your account. Please try again in a moment. code 2"

So I decided to give it a wait, since they said it was just for a moment.

1 day, 2 days, 3 days, 4 days, day comes day goes, today is already the 14th day! It's still the same problem. I'd emailed yahoo support with the hope that they will probably fix this problem. Yet, the replies I got were nothing other than some auto-response emails. frustrated or not you say! like hello! how can the account just goes mad on its own and for god's sake, there're so many important emails locked inside and it is my only email address for almost all official matters.

Grrrr!!!!

Apparently search from the google yielded numerous similiar complaints and yahoo seems to never respond to them. Problem of this sort seems to happen randomly, more n more ppl are having troubles from it. Many people eventually decided to leave them for good, which is what i'm doing now, get a new email account from Gmail, forget about yahoo.

So morale of the story, if you have a yahoo mail account, it is probably sensible to set up a forwarding option to another mail account you can probably trust, so that if one day this misfortune befall upon you, there's still a backup and you won't be losing all the important mails at one go.

so, no more central_sy@yahoo.com, all future mails should go to shiying.hey@gmail.com.

(wuhuhu... my central_sy, i wan it back...)

Oh Mamma Mia!

Good film, very sceneric settings, it's the motherly-daughterly kind of heart warming show, set in the backdrop of colourful costumes and jolly jolly musics in the beautiful summer days, I likey!

if i knew it was this good, would have drag myself out to the cinema and watch it since it first came out. but nvm... still managed to catch it before it was off. Okla, i know im so outdated.

it's Sunday today, Monday tomorrow. gonna start off in Royal Ed for another round of psychiatry. hopefully it will be as good as the previous 2 weeks. Hello new week!

La Clique

wOW!

that was sooooo good!

maybe bcoz i'd never been to performances of this kind, hence got impressed pretty easily. but still for this one I would say top class! no wonder all tickets were almost sold out right at the start of the Edinburgh Festival, they truly deserve the credits.

we weren't that efficient at all to obtain ourselves tickets to grant us the access to their supposingly the best and the last show in the festival. tickets on this night were sold out wayy earlier. haha. fortunately, michael's fren who had two tickets bought, couldn't make it on the very last minute, hence had to give them up.

la clique has a famous reputation. everybody is talking about it.

we hesitated no more and quickly grabbed the tickets from this guy and off we went, to the Spiegeltent at 11pm to watch the show. sounds scary isn't it. show that don't start till midnight, duno wat kind of adult contents they gonna put in later.

the show was running late for 30 mins and crowds was getting abit impatient already.

michael was showing face like this. yeah, we were worried it might turned out to be another Jim Rose Circus, which was a truly traumatizing event, paid money in to suffer only.

finally got in after 1 hour of queueing and waiting outside the tent. surprisngly they don't have seats for eveyrone. only a few rows of chairs prepared. many people had to stand at the back and watched.

and even more surprising, the show that captured so many attention around the world, happens only on a stage as small as this. hard to imagine.

we were very very lucky to got ourselves two seats right in front of the stage. apparently they put a reserved signs there, but we thought, dun care la. since nobody wanted to sit, standing at the back sure cannot see at all since all the angmohs are so tall, so we acted blur and plonk ourselves into the chairs. see that old man next to me, he was the sponsor of the show. not sure from which company.

right after we settled down, a crew came to us and said those were seats for VIPs and we weren't suppose to take. but if those vips do turn up, we gotta let them sit. haha, guess what, we were really lucky to not see them showed up at all. so, those good seats were ours!

la clique is a good cocktail of circus skill, comedy, musics and carbaret. too bad no photos was allowed during the show, hence lack of exhilarating pics from the post. im just gonna google some pics for what I'd seen tonight and put them up here.

the show started with two guys performing acrobatics. those were basically olympics gymnasts' stunts, but done in a much more entertaining way. that was a good start! the crowd was cheering like mad already.

then came the La Clique signature performance. The Bathboy, a bathtub acrobat. His stunts were truly breathtaking and too beautiful for a guy to do. reminds me of a mermaid comes in a man package. since we were sitting at the front row and the stage was just not too far from us, we were given plastic towel to shield from the water spilt around. double thumbs, triple thumbs up for him! chunnest!

The Rubber Man or the Captain Frodo. Apparently he is a famous figure on tv programme since ages ago. His Ehlers-Danlos syndrome from a genetic condition allows the hypermobililty on his joints, hence the possibilities of doing all these dislocating and twisting joints stunts. in tonight's performances, he was trying to squeeze himself through two tennis rackets.

well, can see why they put it on a late night show. there were a few half naked performances like these. overall, there was nothing offensive. it was much much better than that scary Jim Rose which did it in such a dodgy way.

Those are what I can find atm from google pics. The rest were good too but I guess the reason why they don't have as many photos was bcoz of the varieties of programme la clique has, not in eveyr show they had the similiar performances, except for these few famous ones.

It was afterall a good show, we thought.

Edinburgh Festival - the world largest art festival, of this year has officially ended today. Glad that I'd watched a few good ones I really enjoyed. Not a bad thing afterall to come back early for uni and to experience summer in Edinburgh for the first time. Hopefully after tomorrow, the Burgh will become a quiet city again. For this one month, our streets were quite crowded with tourists. It's good to have the not-so-busy Princes St again. =)

a Red-Indian band performing on Princes Street

So, byebye Summer and Hello Autumn!

Here comes the weekend Again!

.... my Friday came yesterday.

at least i would like to think so.

first, it came the end of old age psychiatry in the Royal Vict. 2 weeks of attachment, excellent excellent tutor, well he's not even my tutor, my actual tutor didn't really care at all, he's just a 'part time' psychiatrist there. im grateful, indeed. the intially seemingly daunting psycho topics aren't that scary anymore... afterall quoting him, for all the psychiatric symptoms none of them are not present in normal people, psycho patients are merely having the more extreme versions of the common traits, n these are just out with the norm range our society can accept. those words are wise enough to get me off worrying about myself is actually a psycho person. ...im being nerdy. but it was overall very enjoyable. not to mention my silly partner n his silly jokes. i guess if it weren't bcoz of him, 2 weeks in the old age hosp would be drop dead boring.

then it was yesterday again, went for an orchestra.... my first formal orchestra!
if i knew performing in an orchestra is such a coool thing, i would have learned piano properly since the very beginning! too bad, too late now. the girl who played the piano in the orchestra was sooooo chun! not only pretty in face, but her charm.. gosh! if i were guy, she will be my top choice. this world is just filled with so many perfect people.... talented, humble, good looking, charismatic. overall, it was an enjoyable evening. although being a music noob like myself, i won't say i know how to appreciate the actual essence they were playing, but the 3 pieces they played were simply too good to have even a noob's mind completely blown away. good relax, good times, good reward for myself after 2 wks of hardcore psychiatry.

sorry, photos are abit blurry, for the signs said no photography allowed. we have to do it discreetly. lookie at the last photo, that old lady's expression and me. haha, Classic eh!

then later, it was visiting a friend's flat.

Alex preparing thai curry for midnight supper.

there's this website we were talking, http://www.videojug.com/tag/food-and-drink. go n have a look if your ideas on what to cook for dinner tonight is running out. the thai curry we had from the recipe there, was a big yummy yum.

Clem

...my new flatmate. recognise that big grin! it's always plastered on his face.

moi in a taekwando head shield.

recently it occurs to me that the days I have, to spend here isn't that long anymore. by the end of next month, it's gonna be 1/3 of the 4th yr completed. how quick! another 1 and a half yr more, I probably won't have the chance to come back here anymore to live. seeing how many friends of my age are already going home and starting a new life all over, my time will come pretty soon too. when times are in abundant, we tend to take things slowly and thought we have the 'next time' to do it. It striked me recently that, there seems not so many 'next time' left anymore, whilst I still have so many things I want to do before I leave here for good.

4th year has a good start. I'm glad for the decision of having a change in environment. Clinicals and hospitals seems more enjoyable now. People are nicer, things are easier to learn. I'm glad I pulled through the whole 3rd year of depressing clinical pictures. for the first time, choosing medicine as a career doesn't seem like a bad choice.

新歌推荐

夏日炎阳我心却是失落迷惘
信息传来让我别再沉醉彷徨
心中灰暗我看不见窗外阳光
明天的明天你将要飞往远方

这个秋天该把往事尘封锁上
过去一切日子不再重复播放
不管如今将来是否还是一样
下个花季天空依旧为你绽放

Chorus:
*曾经是你給我力量
陪我孤单沮丧
如今你我依然坚强
一切我都放在心上

曾经是我给你希望
陪你长夜漫漫
如今你我已经长大
一切的你不曾遗忘*

陌生城市日子是否依旧无恙
少了叮咛还得好好照顾自己
别担心_ _ _ _ _ _ _ 温暖
一定把这里的阳光和你分享

Chorus

如果没有你　 現在我会在哪里
是你成全了我 不然我不会是我

祈祷你以后　祝福你一切
如今的你永远在我心里

~~~~~


歌词怎么样？

一个朋友要送另外一个和他纠缠不清有一阵子了的女生出国读书，想写首歌给她。
结果竟然变成了我和他一起写。
还好我不是男生，不然我应该很会骗女生。

对了，有件事帮个忙。
上面有句有很多空格的，帮帮忙想想要怎么填充。我们都江郎才尽了...
那个女生还有48小时就飞了，我无所谓，不过那个男的，简直都不要睡，要把整首歌弄出来。

现代人的爱情啊... 哈哈！
开心就好。

Everybody loves Friday...

=)

went for the weekly squash this evening.

it's always good to know at the end of the week, there's something to do and to look forward to, also the companies. i love friday!

other than squash, did some rock climbing today too in the gym. quite fun! the last time I remembered climbing, dated back to college times, when our class went camping in some jungle and the coordinators made us climbed tree that sat at the edge of the cliff and did some abseiling from there. thought it was quite fun that time, but never really got a chance to do it again.

and today in gym playing squash, we spotted a rock climbing signboard. impulsively, we went up to the office and booked ourselves a tester session on the spot. turned out to be pretty fun and the guys are inarguably good, whereas we girls were a lil afraid. but supposed it was all good fun for everyone in the end!

i enjoyed it.

while on the rock, it happened when it seemed impossible to go up anymore and the thoughts of giving up just kept coming... given the encouraging instructor and the awkwardness of being stuck in the middle where you kinda had no choice but to keep going up, in the end when the top stone is reached, it was all satisfying. . mmm.. this thing has a lot to do with keep pushing own self and challenging the limit.

anyway... weekend begins! yeai yey!

definition of weekend: going to bed without the need to set alarm for tomorrow. time for good rest.