another Sunday

weekend's coming to its end so quickly, again.

and last weekend just seems like yesterday.

is it just me? why I don't seems to remember much from last week and time seems to give no memory. perhaps it was all because nothing big happened and even if they did, they didn't mean much to me. my sleeping time is screwed up again. lectures week it was last week, and my attendance was pretty shit, 4 out of 9. lectures are just not my cup of tea anymore. eveyr morning alarm rang... well i guess it did, but surprisingly i dun rmb hearing it. it's got to be a reluctant feeling to accept the routine life back in the Burgh again.

psychiatry is starting next week. and very soon, at the end of it will be a mcq exam again. another cycle. as much as i don't want summer to end and the windy autumn to come, im trying all my best to live a new life, so that things will feel pretty alright before the winter comes. call me a paranoid, call me a nervous ass. im who im.

this weekend seems pretty down. perhaps it has much to do with the upside down sleeping time that makes me can't function properly in the daytime. first it was friday night.. consumed by the feeling of loneliness and abandoned.

but clem said, you don't have to feel you need to do something simply because it's a friday night. ummm. it was entertaining to see this housemate of mine can get pretty amused by a simple hole puncher, that u need to fold a line on the paper before you punch it with the correct alignment of the line and the arrow on the puncher. ok la, if u know wat i mean, i know im pretty vague. He said britain never have such thing he knew about and keep praising it was a smart invention. haha, what la u.

then it was yesterday. came a big fight between us, again. anohter event of thoughts disagreement. quarrels ain't fun and they can hurt so badly. you said, "if you don't like someone, you don't get together with them." "you don't get together with them then try to change them later". mmm.. i guess u're right to a certain extent. but how do we cope with differences, be it in thoughts or habits or perceptions, that occur over times which we can't really help? it's always a decision only between, its either u change or i change. hmmm. yet, im too ego to say any sorry atm even though im missing u badly.

my personality got to be pretty problematic.

yesterday also, in a chat with an old friend, she said im not an expressive person at all and i might want to do something about it. it kept me thinking the whole day, trying to analyse myself all over again. am i really like that? i read blogs, i don't leave comments. i don't even tell the owners i read them even though they are blogs i frequent. sometimes i seems to know whats going on but i din bother asking or even showing concerns. on msn, i seldom take the initiative to talk to others. even if there're certain people i really wan to talk to, and wan to meet up with, but i just don't take the start. something gotta be really wrong with me. and she said, all these make me seems like a pretty cold person who don't bother and even concern about things going on around me. yeah, i think what she says make sense. on the contrary, all these while i also believe if people don't come and tell me their problems, perhaps they just don;t want me 2 know, so im not gonna ask. if they wan to go out and decided to go without asking me, even though i would really wan to come, ill still not ask about it.

sometimes i do doubt myself if im doing the right things or thinking the right stuffs.