2 days ago on msn, someone asked me about how long I was together with my ex. To my own surprise, I wasn't even able to answer. And it took me almost 5 minutes to figure out and actually counted the months. Yeah, so it was one and a half year - from college days till last easter.
After I replied, suprisingly I smiled. Not for my own forgetfulness, but the relief that yea, finally I manage to let go of this past. I was the one who suggested the break and got upset for 9 months later. It was a long long recovering period. Almost everyday I'd been wondering the same thing, why things don't work out between us and what had I done wrong to make this relationship unable to survive the distances and times. Living in memories can be torturing.
From losing confidence to living in solitude, from losing interests at world around to cry myself to sleep, from spending like nobody's business to doing stuffs that I don't even fancy at the first place...clubbing, drinking, seek stupid attentions...etc etc.
I don't seems to know who am I anymore.
I was brought to wonder, can we trust our feelings? At one moment it can be so strong and concrete, yet at the other moment, it can just dissappear seems like there's nowhere you could find it again or it doesn't even seem to exist before. He used to occupy my world and his absence used to shatter the world that we'd built together. Yet now, I don't even remember when was the last time I saw him and for how long we were together.
My dad once said, 你一天天的长大，你会开始觉得昨天的你做的事有多么的幼稚，你从前是多么无知。I suppose , everything at present will eventually become water under the bridge, just a matter of time. Maybe a whole new world isn't that far beyond, could be just right next to us after changing the mindset. Mummy always tells me that I shouldn't complaint so much, as compared to many, I'm considered fortunate enough. Now I start to believe what she says, I have a complete family with daddy mummy still around, a few good friends although I don't get to see them often, a few housemates I begin to feel more and more comfy to live with, some money from sponsor to allow me to buy what I want and to go where I wish...
我所记得的会是我这刻多富有.
3 comments:
wow.. tink ur dad is really power to say smth lidat.. really happie for ya tat ya finally can let go off the past n start things afresh n bein a whole new self... i believe lotsa things are already awaiting ya by now... and many more beautiful things are yet to come.. jiayou!
wow, was it that long? I didn't realise. And you know what, I just realised, I don't even know how long I've been together with michael. Doesn't that say a lot? haha.
As I've always said, time will heal all things, it's just a matter of how long. And that's why God gave us family and friends, to help pass that time quicker and more painlessly :)
Piyo: I dun hope for anything betta awaiting in front, am already glad that i'm no longer bothered by the past. Think as we grow older, the lesser we can expect from life.
Adelynn: hmm..perhaps u two have been in rs for too long. Think what u say is true, there are certain ppl who's always there for us and bcoz of them, we manage to pull thru all the downs in life. Thats y dun forget if anyting happen, u still have ur frenz! Especially the super nice one in edinburgh! =)
Post a Comment