KL Stay

After 3 days stay in KL, I'm back home again. Thank god water supply is back in Muar too.

* AIkz, luck really wasn't with me throughout this trip. *

Went to UH bookstore to get medics book. The salesgirl happily show me the book I was looking for but told me later that no book is allowed to be purchased as they are doing all the stock-checking and if I want to buy, please come back again on 3rd Jan. WTH! Can see the book cannot buy??

Didn't get to shop AT ALL. Megasales is on k but I ended up home without any shopping bag except a sunglasses I accidentally came across at a small shop. What am I gotta do now with my longgg shopping list... -_-

Came across a mad people and got molested. @$#%@*%& WTH! Not going to say much on this traumatising experience. =(

Okie okie... forget about all the unpleasant stuffs.

The stay was indeed good for the company was great. Vincent was playing a good host. Thanks for entertaining and keeping me occupied despite your busier-than-dog 's schedule. As for others, thanks a lot for the time spared and you guys had gave me a wonderful holiday.

Food was nice. Places were good. So glad I get to talk to you people.
Think the amount I talked in these 3 days was way more than
I did in Edinburgh for the past 3 months.

~~~~~~

Everyone seems to know their lifegoals as well as ways to get them achieved. In front of people like this, feelilng unusually inferior I was brought to wonder, 'What about mine?' 'What I want in life?' 'What am I doing?' .

Because of you of whom doesn't really belong to my world, I chose to give my own thoughts up and seek comfort in your arms. Despite the fact that you're completely out from my world now being a hard one to learn, I still have to accept. Although still being not entirely clear with what am I seeking for in life, it's time to start thinking. Think it isn't merely obtaining a degree from med school and becoming a doctor eventually, gotta be something more than this.

* This morning when browsing through edin's ppl blog weirdly, I have a feeling of reluctance to go back. Hate those days with not many people I can turn to and ended up talking to this blog,

meals with bread-pizza-pasta-salad-soup, people that irritate me, the depressing weather, ..... etc etc.

ps: left my cam at home! No pics taken... arghhh =(

I need to get better

I know I shouldn't be thinking anymore. Everything is over. But I can't help. It's like seeing myself helplessly sinking into the bottomless pit yet finding no rope within sights to grab. Now I understand why people say certain scenes can remind of certain people. So true.

When I was in the UK, I always thought I can heal better and forget faster if I could come home. For lots of frenz supports are here. In fact, not really.

This place is saturated with memories. Of you and me.

I do try hard to refrain myself from thinking, but each time those memories will just creep in and make me feel like collapsing.

Maybe I should not come back this often. At least not till I can sort of put things behind or heal myself better. I gotta admit that each time, I come back with hopes. Sometimes deep down I don't udnerstand why am I still keeping these hopes alive since eveyrthing is practically over. Waiting and expecting will just end up with frustration and disappointment.

You're like a drug. I am heavily addicted.

Christmas Survivor Challenge

Many cities in Johor has been flooded. But thank god, muar isn't.

Days aren't good either without drinking water. It has been several days since water supply is stopped and rumuors say electric supply will be cut off at 8.00 pm.

I'm blogging now at 7.53 pm, apparently sitting in front of computer waiting for the time to come. This feeling is scary. I have no idea of when will I get surrounded by complete darkness.

If I have not come back blogging within a few days, then the rumuors must be true. No water, no electricity. I will be officially undergoing this christmas season survivor challenge.

I'm not asking for more...

If blog can ever talk, probably mine will start complaining about it's bad master who only drop by when she has complaints or craps to spit out, yet happily forget about its existence in her joyful moments.

But seriously with the food so nice, company so great and home so comfy, there isn't any reason for me to complain. World is somehow normal again and once more I'm myself. Never did I feel like appreciating home so much.

I suppose living in uk is stressful. Basic things like fingers start cracking and bleeding if moisturiser was forgotten or hair look like bushes if conditioner has ranout, are hardly any problem back home. Not to mention when it comes to exam stress, seeing irritating people, feeling the cold or made felt like a dummy. Living with friends is never an easy matter but I suppose it can be easier to start off with people who are totally strangers at the beginning.

On a joyful note, christmas is coming. Whee!!! =) Hopes and wishes should be kept alive. And perhaps, feel a little bit overjoyed with getting 600euro compensated for volunteer who denies flight boarding and doesn't mind reaching home a day later. =)

Paper today

Simply write down some crap. Not knowing where am I heading to, just write without giving much thoughts. Didn't even process the information given. I thought I got no time to finish. Ended up it was me who read the time wrongly. Half an hour extra in the end. So what? Expect me to write everything again? Edit them when I don't even feel like reading my own writing? Leave it, I decided.

Worst thing is, I thought I answered one question quite well, but what? End up I was the utmost wrong case. I was demoralized, seriously. Exam hall was freezing cold and I was shivering most of the time. Not sure if it's the fear or the cold actually. Whateverrr. Couldn't care less. I just want to go home. I don't want to see anyone. I don't feel like talking. Leave me alone.

I told someone.

'I almost cried in the exam hall... '

'then? Did you? No? why don't you cry then?'

'I feel so stupid'

'you are always stupid mah...'

'why can't I answer those questions?'

'you said you are stupid what.'

'I really don't know why....how come I cannot do one? :( '

'don't worry la, not your fault, maybe you went wrongly to the

vet med paper?'

Only angel can make me smile with those stupid crap :)

Home Sweet Home

I'm always someone who is easily defeated and not determined. Coming to think about having faith in dreams? Nah, sound so stupid! If it is not happening now means it never will....

Recently, I was convinced that this was not the entire case. I came to realise one fact. Having dreams in heart is like planting seeds in soil. Might not blossom right immediately however, given the right timing and conditions, it will. As long as the faith is still there and the will to make it happen hasn't fade away yet. So I was wondering if things don't happen the ways we want it now, could it simply mean the timing isn't good enough? Will the effort of sincerely waiting well paid off one day? Not sure. Let's wait and see then. =)

On a happier note, term is ending! Yes, it is. In 5, nonono, 4 days time to be exact.

I'M GOING HOME!

I reckon this will be my best christmas treat after stressing myself out here for a term. Despite the fact that I have not come out with any thorough plan for christmas yet, there are a few things I would be up to back home. Hehe.

1. See my baby sisters, enjoy mummy daddy pampering, get sisters do everything for me (evil me)

2. eat mee hun kuey, char keow teoy, char kuey, ais kacang, mee goreng, duck rice, mee pok, dimsum, bubble tea, satay, doujiangyoutiao, yam ring.... the list goes on by itself. be prepared to see a fatter me one month later.

3. Visit singapore. Attend a wedding. Spend christmas with yuqing & gang. BBQ at some coasts?

4. Go KL. Not for shopping lar. Gotta repair my 1 yr underuse mp3 player & meet Yesong and gf.

5. Reunion with high school gang. YingJie and Huisan get ready k. Erm, maybe go Langkawi? Erm..we shall see how lar.

6. David's private postman. I'm putting this here to remind myself. Hopefully I don't forget.

7. Meeting with people who will be in Muar by then. Vincent, MingFei, MingWei, Kokchuan, Yafu

and hopefully the particular someone *wonder if you'll be free for a meet up*

Btw, shouldn't be blogging here. As you can see my exam is not over yet, to be exact it has not even started. But I'm simply overjoyed with the thoughts of events awaiting back home.

I should start packing... =)

Wild thoughts

These are things the soundtrack of 'How to lose a guy in 10 days' named 'somebody like you' by Keith Urban makes me feel like doing. Mv available at musics sidebar. To Piyo: Stop being blind. =P

Travel somewhere with cactuses and jeeps and texas-like sceneries in backdrop

watch sun shining bright at the skyline

stay in resthouse with some old keepers wearing hawaii shirt waiting at the bar

play a guitar sing along with a band *jenn, guess who this guy is? :P*

then, drive along a cliff with strong wind blowing

and couldn't care less for what is going on ...

What if I become a cowboy one day? ^grinz^.

Guess most likely I'm suffering from freedom-deficiency-seasonal-associated-depression syndrome after being nocturnal creature in my room for the past 2 weeks. And I thought it would be good today to stay up untill morning and watch the sunrise. Never thought I can be this phototropism for I always thought vampire's life would have suit me better, as basically everyone who lives close to me would have agreed that I am becoming hyper only when it's getting nearer to my sleeping time.

Oh well, I'm done with breakfast. Time to head off for work again continuing with colon cancer pictures... :(

A Dream

Last night I dreamt of him. It was a long long dream...

of we holding hands again;

of me throwing tantrums and he of course, ignore me like usual;

of he telling me not to worry too much about life;

of .....what else? let me think, hmmm... I can't remember.

Nah, it doesn't matter, just a dream.

This time unlike before, I woke up feeling exceptionally calm and
I smiled :)

Big Regrets

Mummy,

I wish I am 7, back to those primary school days when I have you by my side, telling me before exams not to worry as things will be okay.

You will not be happy if you see me waking up at 3pm to watch the sun set again and going to bed at 6 in the morning. I know I shouldn't have left everything till this last minute. I thought I would not repeat these again this sem. If I were to revise earlier...

I've decided to be a Nerd starting next sem. Do my work consistently, revise lectures everyday and sleep early. Wish me luck.

While I should be studying

Nothing particular to write about actually. Just thought that today might be worth noting down since it was my first patient case presentation. I was quite bothered by the thought that I have to do this in front of my EVIL GP. Albeit it was way from an impressive presentation, I thought nothing went too wrong fortunately. =) , can never imagine myself presenting in front of people with my bad English ...

I start to like my getting-less-evil GP. Today her feedback said, even though Shi needs more practice, generally she was okay, confident, fluent and convincing. Whee!~ ^_^

I know I ain't that good in real context, but I would want to work it. All thanks to her reverse psychology thing. Hopefully next year I can go into the practice with better confidence. =P

Have been trying to keep myself away from blogging, should be concentrating on the remaining 30 lecture notes instead, aiKz. But, never mind la, I would still want today to be remembered as a good day. =)

When I don't have to rush

Instead of drunkards' cursing, singing and yelling,

I hear school kids chatting, laughing and running for bus.

~~~~~

Instead of searching kitchen for midnight supper, I make a hearty breakfast.

Favourite half-boiled eggs, hot chocolate and Matt-style sandwiches.

~~~~~

Instead of going to bed at dawn,

I see med school 's watchman switching on lights right opposite.

~~~~~

Instead of staring into complete darkness outside the window,

I see sun slowly rising. ^_^

Woke up surprisingly early this morning at 5am. Got out from bed, did abit of revision and PBL work, showered at 8.30 and leave for lecture at 8.50am. Day feels good and PBL went unexpectedly well. In this last PBL session of the year, for the first time I find I like everyone in the group. Sporty Suzzie, late-comer Chris, humourous Charlie, steady Penny, quiet Meera, shy Andrew, squeaky Carol, aggresive David, and kind Sarah... Although I ain't close to them still after one whole sem of pbl-ing, I did actually enjoy being with them. =)