放一颗心

在医院里，常常会遇见一些老人痴呆症的病人，他们因为生病，记忆会慢慢的一天一天消失。所以，他们常常都会有个习惯，就是把现在所还记得的东西，尽量用笔记下来，以便将来哪天不再记得了，能再翻翻笔记本，把记忆找回来。

而我现在，哈！就和他们很像，很想把很多东西记下来。

和你在一起，最享受的时候，就是坐在你隔壁，什么事也不做，连眼睛也不用动的看着你。看你说话，看你驾车，看你抽烟，看你笑，看你弄我发脾气然后很得意的样子，看你吃东西，看你睡觉，看你，就是看你。

颖婕说每次我和你吵架不开心的时候，我的思考模式就会开始考虑，我们到底是不是不适合，应该要放手吗？而每次我们又都会合好。今天，我又打给了她。她问我，那么多次你都选择了继续，理由是为什么呢？

我想，就是因为，你就是你。有一个这样的你，我不懂要怎么不爱你。

'Let it be' is a wisdom...

Mood is like the craziest thing human has. One moment, you can be so down, but the next moment, you can simply turn things upside down and be on top of the world again. It seems that we almost certainly cannot choose what to happen next, we can however decide what we want to feel about it. So at the end of the day, being happy or feeling miserable is again, up to our own choice.

I remember someone said before, if you have a problem that is solve-able, then go ahead and think about it and sort it out. But if it cannot be solved atm, well... no point worrying or thinking too much about it, afterall if you can't think of a solution now, there probably isn't any solution available too. So.. no point worrying. I guess it's more of, when the right time comes, you will know what is the right thing to do. well.. so i better remind myself again, worrying is probably just a waste of time! StoP worryinG lah!

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Neuro is in its 2nd week now.

some dry jokes for you, i duno if u find them funny, but I certainly do.

in psychiatric ward, we often say, this patient is mental.

but in neuro ward, they often say, this patient is FRONTAL, well... this one, OCCIPITAL... oh that one! she's temporal.

hahahhaa!

im still pretty clueless about how to do a full neuro exam, how to take a history, how to find my tutor who's forever rooting in the theatre yada yada... just to show how lost i'm. nonetheless, me still enjoying every bits of it. funny right? ;)

somehow my ears are better tuned for the scottish accents now. somehow whatever patients say seems to make more sense. and somehow the whole clinical settings with wards and doctors isn't as daunting and depressing as before. good change! i likey!

oh! another random fact, if you happen to watch today's tv programme about sandwiches, I bet you prolly would think twice next time you want to eat a sandwich bought from store.

in this sandwich producing factory, a worker was short of a piece of bread and couldn't find anymore bread to pack up the sandwich, so she turned to her supervisor to ask if they could open a new pack. then, the supervisor just se-lamba went to the bin and digged up a piece of thrown away bread and handed it to the worker and said, "next time shudnt waste like this...."

eeeW!

stephen chow movie meh?

maybe i should turn my morning alarm 10 mins earlier so that I can make myself a sandwich for lunch just before going to wards.

Do you know?

Making a choice is hard.

To leave a choice made earlier, is even harder.

Familiarity brings security, yet depresses courage.

Ironically, with familiarity and security, it does not always equivalent to compatibility and suitability.

Everything seems to have a price to pay, and to go ahead or opt out, simply depends on whether we can bear the consequences.

A year ago despite many 'no'-s and 'u'll regret'-s, a choice was made - to trust myself and go ahead with the intention of not wanting to have regrets in life. haiz...whoever invented this motivation line, i'm not gonna buy that anymore, guess itll be better sometimes to have some regrets left behind. and sometimes, the harder you want to avoid regrets, the more regrets you're going to create.

and now, a year has gone. I'm too ego to admit defeat. honestly the outcome isn't as expected. It's a time you start to doubt yourself, doubt your choice, should I keep going? or should I just wave the white flag and save the future troubles? and face all the 'I told you so...'-s.

It's a scary feeling, when there're too much stakes being put in, to a point you thought you better don't lose and can't afford to lose anymore, yet the hard cold reality fact just comes and hits right into your face.

so shall more stakes be thrown in to secure a better win; or shall all stakes be let go and lost, and start all over again as soon as possible? My dear Buddha, please grant me the wisdom to make the right decision.

... however one thing for sure, i'm beginning to feel tired with this game.

... not a born tight-rope walker

There's a fine, fine line
between a lover, and a friend

There's a fine, fine line
between reality, and pretend;

And you never know 'til you reach the top
if it was worth the uphill climb.

There's a fine, fine line
between love, and a waste of time

And there's a fine, fine line
between "you're wonderful" and "goodbye".

And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.

For my own sanity
I've got to close the door
And walk away...Oh...

There's a fine, fine line
between together,and not.

And there's a fine, fine line
between what you wanted,and what you got.

You gotta go after the things you want
while you're still in your prime.

There's a fine, fine line
between love, and a waste of time

..... and walking on a fine, fine line is simply too tiring.

Columbia?

5th year elective application for Columbia Uni in the New York has its deadline coming close very soon. With a form in hand, I'm actually holding back in hesistancy.

Unlike earlier when the form was made available, I was more keen and even got myself a form. Well... that's probably because I haven't been to Borders yet by then... going to a totally stranger place with zero knowledge about it and not knowing anyone from there can be daunting... also, the loneliness that comes in a package. There are people I know who went to the States on their own and live there for months... for people like them, I salute your courage!!

After much thoughts, I still couldn't make up my mind and the more I analyse it, the more it seems there're equal good and bad. see....

The pros:

- it's somewhere I have never been.
- advanced stuffs over there, gonna be a totally different medical experience
- get to tour in the States too. smth i've always wanted to do!

The cons:

- money! have to pay 150 USD application process fees which doesn't guarantee a place. n most people don't get a place in the end...
- scary. living alone? go somewhere so new totally alone? can i cope?
- have to apply so early! elective is only next year Sept. there're probably other nicer places to go which I haven't find out yet.


How??

At the end of the day, it's still the same question,

New York for 5th year electives attachment? Go? Not go?

I'm such an indecisive person.... i know.

Return from MIA

HELLO!!

... am back! finally can online from home! yah, my new home on the south clerk facing blockbuster videos and the busy street.

it's a nice feeling to online from home. at least dun have to walk all the way to greenfield suite which is 15 mins away just to check an email or to do portfolios. good stuff!

by the way, GP attachment in the Borders had officially ended.... quite sad to leave that place, afterall it was very very enjoyable and nice 3 weeks and a good way to kick off 4th year! can't believe i'm in 4th yr now and still 2 more yrs to go, whilst others of the same age have already graduated or going to grad in no time. anyway, CONGRATS to those newly-grad and gonna join the 9-5 workforce club very soon!

so long never blog already, duno what to say anymore. anyway, internet abstinence was quite good in fact. at least it has been very displicine-ish living everyday. wake up no later than 9, go to bed not later than 12, eat 3 meals a day, don't stuck in the chair for hours and hours, no longer crouch in the sofa to watch never ending series... which makes me feel good with myself! healthy and able to function properly in the day.

somehow 4th yr seems more enjoyable than 3rd yr... am glad i managed to pull through 3rd yr, although it wasn't that great, rather depressing in fact. well, hopefully this year will be a good one. last 2 years was quite an experience, it used to be lotsa of people in the flat (or the flat above) with cookings going on everyday. now, it's more of getting used to live independently and sort things out by myself, even the internet, the phone line and sometimes foods. although it was quite common to hear people saying living overseas will be mostly dealing with loneliness and independence... they weren't felt that strongly somehow for the past 2 years, but now, they are :)

it's a change. a different experience.

so far things are going on well and good. the feeling of going through eveyrday knowing things will be better and are going on the right track is a good feeling.

ohh..! just a random fact, today a neuro guy told us, birds sleep differently from human which make them able to stay awake 24/7. when they go to sleep, they switch one side of their brain off and leave the other side of the brain awake to carry on with acitivities, like maybe fly across the ocean... then when that side feels it has rest enough, it wakes up and let the other side goes to sleep. amazing!~!

loving Borders + gp + new flat

Earlier on before term begins, there were lots of uncertainties and little bits here & there that kept me worrying...

and now, one week has past, surprisingly everything is actually alright, better than I thought.

Borders isn't as bad, although there're definitely more sheeps and cows I've met than human. it felt like isle of skye to a certain extent, but of course minus the strong wind bit. the 2 hours bus rides down reminds me very much of the movie 'stardust' - the low stone fences, widespread greenness, mild hills with oak trees spreading far out... luckily i'm there in the summer time, if not come to think about living in one whole house with 4 empty rooms by myself without the sun actually set at 11pm is gonna be so scary. my neighbour's kids are my only friends now, the two little girls one named Daisy another one... errm... forgot dy. she's too little to talk la. it's so sweet to come home every evening and see two kids playing around in the garden cycling their mini bike and laughing. now it feels like a real home.

GP practice is in this mini town called Selkirk, which is 20 minutes bus ride away from the borders general hospital accom... and there's only one bus going into Selkirk every hour. so if i miss one, will definitely be running late for the clinics. also without anyone there to wake me up on time, Gee! i'm becoming so disciplined these days ;).


on the 8am bus, i'm always the only passenger and even the bus uncle can recognise me now every morning.

at the back of the gp practice. even at normal lunch time, the street is all quiet without many moving vehicles. yalar what to do, a town with only 5500 inhabitants. I suspect almost everyone in town knows each other.

the road I walk down every evening at 4.30 to take bus back to the Borders GH.

old people here are extremely friendly and this town is really not that busy. only one street has shops and outside the town square, there're only houses seperated by widespread farms.

like this.


moi room in BGH.

everyone in the gp is so far very nice and kind. duno how long my liking for gp can last lah, but things are by far looking good. maybe for medicine, or perhaps also other occupations too, before we can really enjoy it, we just need to learn the rules by hard. in this case, study hard n do portfolios!~

that's all for now, time to leave for borders! adios till next weekend ;)

updates: Matt is coming to Borders this week!! so, no more one person dinner! =)

Lazy to unpack, so blog

Wokay! back to the Burgh yesterday and not to forget the hectic house shifting and travels Monday! First it was delayed arrivals in Heathrow and then the tortoisely slow custom people that almost caused the miss of Edinburgh flight. then, it was the DELAYED luggage! bah! They just have to delay it when there're so many important stuffs inside. and although BA promised to get it delivered yesterday, they didn't come. so... the consequence: Borders delayed by a day too! haha... that must be a good news! Phoned the clinic manager this morning and told him I can't travel to Borders without my belongings in the delayed luggage and the answer I got was, HAHA, see you tomorrow then! hmm. okayyy.

anyway, so today's schedule: sit in, enjoying the duno who's internet, waiting for luggage to come, packing for Borders, unpacking & organise room. the new room!! =) hehe. it's spacious, big and sunny! loveee it. But the thing is, hafta disassemble an extra bed first. will show the final products when everything is well set. dun wan to go Borders lar, I want to stay in my new room. Bluek.

although just came back yesterday, this morning, automatically already I start looking for winter flight back. actually.... should stay wan lor, never stay here for winter before, always go back, somemore can save money. BUT, home is more tempting! aikz, really expensive lar. haha, I better stop the monologue. see how la. so far the prices are already crazily high with the cheapest being 750 pds and have to transit in Dubai for 24 hours!! hopefully the secret good news come in, then no need to go back also never mind dy. =P

4th year's starting! so fast! hw come I still feel like a fresher?! time to put myself back again to face the upcomings, this year shouldn't skip class or be lazy again. promise. as last year osce/osca was a bad experience, this year have to be real hard work and no more last minute efforts again. =) I hope I can be a good doctor next time. at least won't kill anyone or make things worse. motivation!!