When the most fearsome thing comes real

I don’t know what to do… why? Sometimes I wish I’m not born into this family. If given there are so many burdens to carry in exchange for good education, good background, good life, I’d rather I’m someone simple, but having a happy family of which can be supportive of whatever I do and able to share whatever I think. Nobody wants to be rebellious. Who doesn’t want to live happily with parents, having them to be able to talk to and joke with like friends? Because I respect u, my parents. I don’t want to challenge your thinking and behavior of which you’d probably carry with you all your life. I believe there are gaps. Gaps that unfortunately in our typical oriental family, they can’t be talked openly, especially relationship problem. So, you can have your thinking, and I have mine. But we respect each other’s. Those values I carry, those perspectives I have, they might not always be correct, but from my side, I tried, always, I tried to minimize the chances that they might bring shame to you, to our family, to your reputation. You’d probably have no idea of how hard I tried.

A simple sentence as that, “if you continue to be with him, if you choose to marry him, the day you both actually tie the knot will be the day I severe all my ties with you – my daughter”. In simple terms, to disown me. So many things I wish I could clarify so many words I wish I could argue. But they were all held back and sealed tight in my lip. Whenever I think of that line, your harsh cold word make my heart turns icy cold. I don’t know what to do, or what is even do-able. I can only cry. You know what? Those words hurt, very. I can understand everyone has their own view point and use their own rulers to measure the ‘worldly’ right or wrong. But you can’t use your brain to think for others or even make conclusions for them. You can only use your brain to think your own thinking. You can never use your brain to think other’s thinking. From your stand, you do nothing wrong, maybe you thought that guy isn’t suitable for your daughter, if so you certainly have all the rights to deny someone to go along with your daughter. It’s ok. From his viewpoint, he did nothing wrong to be judged this way. He can’t choose his background, his environment and his family. Like how I can’t choose mine. All he can do is to live life as he is, happy and carefree, not offending anyone nor harming anybody. For that, I can assure you he’s a kind soul and a filial son.

Parents raise their kids the way they want them to be, in terms of morale, virtues, personality, and thinking. And most of the times, it isn’t purely a matter of right or wrong, of course la, like which parents will teach their kids the wrong thing, but it’s also a matter of preference. Like how some parents prefer their kids to be an ordinary person living a simple life; on the other hand, there are parents who groom their children in such a way that in future they could help them handle their companies. Things like this. In your eyes, he just isn’t the type you wish your kids will grow up to become. Not because he is wrong or morally strayed. He just isn’t the kind you will prefer.

And now, because of your words, I’m still crying. Really, not because I so want to be with him that I feel too upset having us being separated by my own parents. That’s a later thought, not now. The thing I care the most is, how can you say words like these, you know how hurtful these words are when it come from someone I respect so much all along and misses so badly when I was away from home; and the reasons for such harsh words to be said didn’t even come close to something so wrongly done. I believe choosing to be with someone we feel comfortable and happy with isn’t a crime. It doesn’t need to be punished this way. Come to say about that, shouldn’t you understand him properly first? Your words came as a shock, to both of us. We have no idea who makes you all think he’s so bad, so bad that as if he was a once rapist and gonna abduct your daughter to elope anytime. He was once your student. You’d probably heard of his family background. Yah, not so educated. That’s all. Gangster or not? Loanshark or not? Chop people or not? that one I don’t know lar. So far none to my knowledge la. Even gangster also, so what? Loanshark? If it’s real, that one also people’s preference la, choice of job, not everyone can control. But if kill people, should be in jail already kot. If those of your impressions about him were from someone else, then I wonder who that person could be. But if such people do exist, whoever you are, mind your tongue! Rumors like these you spread during your free times, can bring so much disaster to people’s family, like now.

Back to the basic. To be honest, you’d probably didn't realise, in fact up to this point, I’ve no idea yet who would end up being the lifelong partner. Many things in life need to be proven by time, including people, and I thought it’s too early to make conclusion at this point. No matter you know it or not, studies are still my utmost priority now. How to be a good doctor is my foremost concern. Also, there is still a long long way to go, before I achieve what I want and become who I want to be. Instead of sharing my dreams, understanding my thoughts, you – my family my parents, you all chose to say something so heart aching and to bother so much of all these side issues, which ends up with nothing but a deep scar carved between us. Not worth it. Seriously.

Silence is the best way to solve conflict. If given it was 8 years ago, I would have shouted and argued back bitterly, and that given my freedom I’ve today, I might runaway from home. But no, not something I’ll do. Although they did come across my mind earlier on when I first started crying. From now on till I return to the Burgh, silence is probably the best thing to do, at least to avoid quarrels and arguments. It’s also time to think, if he’s worth all these efforts or can we actually pull through these obstacles if we’re really meant to be together in the end.

Parents always have their points, at least I need to prove it myself whether those points are right or wrong. However, if I really want things tp go on, I’ll do it a sensible way, by finding myself a solid concrete ground that I could stand on and reason things out properly, to convince you he isn’t a bad choice after all.