of the med sch ups and downs

Phew!! 2 weeks of Dunfermline is finally over. no more mornings of being fed with lily allen and all her 'f*** you, f*** you very very much' or Blink 182 'F*** your dog, F*** your mum's ass' type of music in the car while heading across the bridge to the queen margaret. the boys in the car love those music and it's strange to me like how they enjoy listening to musics like these every morning before hospital sessions. i still can't appreciate their taste.

so now there's one more module in the bag to add on to revision, oh wait, it's not Re-vision, since i've not read them even for the first time yet, well, learning would be a better description. yah, one more module to add on to learnings. I've no idea why i'm feeling so behind of this whole learning progress. unlike o&g when things were pretty motivated, this renal module just isn't great at all and i'm attributing this lack of passion to reasons like we didn't get much love from the people there, the complicated clinical sciences behind every case and worst still, we only saw our consultant once and that was on the LAST day of the module. oh well. oh well.

portfolio is another setback. 2 issues. one with o&g another one with renal. renal portfolio is still 0% done despite the module has ended. maybe because i somehow know the deadline is not too soon yet, hence not much of motivation to get it done. but NVM. i'm definitely going to get it kick off this weekend!

o&g portfolio was a sad story. we went in for feedback session yesterday. kirsty our consultant didn't meet us in person but sent in her registrar instead. things went ok at the beginning, the reg mentioned like how she thought i was getting more and more motivated towards the end of the module and how much i shone in the group bla bla blah... as she went on there's this unsettled feelings inside that i felt something just isn't quite right and i wasn't quite comfortable with what she said. i had a feeling something bad is going to come! n i was RIGHT! until she mentioned the portfolio feedback. she said it was marked by kirsty and she thought that the results will let me down and she thought it's not soemthing i deserved. it's low. very low. almost on the failing end. it's the worst mark i have ever gotten for pf and tbh, at that point, i almost cried. simply because i thought i put in quite alot of efforts to do it and maybe partly because of the long day yesterday. from every single little mistake like spelling errors to grammar mistake to reference issues, she talked me through them. I gotta admit these o&g doctors are so damn good in comforting people and especially handling women. i managed to suck my tears back and signed the sheet off to agree with what she said. soon after the session ended, i jet off on a bus heading towards starbucks for florencia's mandarin lesson. that was one of the worst moment. moody, upset, i could almost felt some water blurring my vision. but since i didn't want to meet florencia in my teary eyes, i ended up swallowing them all down eventually. got quite emo at that point. i think its also bcoz like how i think o&g is quite my type of thing, like how it's always so busy, lots of 'on the go', communication needs, joys from the new mums. given the thinking that this subject might be for me long term wise, hence I did work pretty hardcore, felt the most motivated and put in quite a lot of efforts trying to understand every single details that i wasn't sure. yesterday came truly as a big let down. last night, i didn't have the head to think straight, came back, plonked myself into bed and slept straightaway till this morning skipping through dinner. certainly felt a lil bit hurt and upset and emo in my duvet.

med school is certainly one place where lots of motivation and passions are needed to keep people going. oh well... im glad that im not losing interest yet. quite pleased at myself this morning after woken up from bed, although still feeling some lil pinch, still, im able to smile at myself in the mirror like the usual days before setting off for hospital. i got to be a nerd. *pat on my own shoulder*

well... at this point, despite exam is 5 weeks away, i'm feeling quite drained already. it's time like this, reminders like 'this is not the finishing line yet, just hang in there abit more' are much needed. home is only 6 weeks away! hurray!

gem of the day: today over the call home, baby sis #1 told me how she wants to go out and buy food for me when i get home this summer. since today, mum brought her out and let her order food at the hawker center and for that reason this little girl feels she is like an adult already. these babies' words. never fail to put a smile on my face.