Daily life

Baby forgot to sign off, so I'll sneak something describing precisely her daily life into here!


Better run before she finds out...

M

of the med sch ups and downs

Phew!! 2 weeks of Dunfermline is finally over. no more mornings of being fed with lily allen and all her 'f*** you, f*** you very very much' or Blink 182 'F*** your dog, F*** your mum's ass' type of music in the car while heading across the bridge to the queen margaret. the boys in the car love those music and it's strange to me like how they enjoy listening to musics like these every morning before hospital sessions. i still can't appreciate their taste.

so now there's one more module in the bag to add on to revision, oh wait, it's not Re-vision, since i've not read them even for the first time yet, well, learning would be a better description. yah, one more module to add on to learnings. I've no idea why i'm feeling so behind of this whole learning progress. unlike o&g when things were pretty motivated, this renal module just isn't great at all and i'm attributing this lack of passion to reasons like we didn't get much love from the people there, the complicated clinical sciences behind every case and worst still, we only saw our consultant once and that was on the LAST day of the module. oh well. oh well.

portfolio is another setback. 2 issues. one with o&g another one with renal. renal portfolio is still 0% done despite the module has ended. maybe because i somehow know the deadline is not too soon yet, hence not much of motivation to get it done. but NVM. i'm definitely going to get it kick off this weekend!

o&g portfolio was a sad story. we went in for feedback session yesterday. kirsty our consultant didn't meet us in person but sent in her registrar instead. things went ok at the beginning, the reg mentioned like how she thought i was getting more and more motivated towards the end of the module and how much i shone in the group bla bla blah... as she went on there's this unsettled feelings inside that i felt something just isn't quite right and i wasn't quite comfortable with what she said. i had a feeling something bad is going to come! n i was RIGHT! until she mentioned the portfolio feedback. she said it was marked by kirsty and she thought that the results will let me down and she thought it's not soemthing i deserved. it's low. very low. almost on the failing end. it's the worst mark i have ever gotten for pf and tbh, at that point, i almost cried. simply because i thought i put in quite alot of efforts to do it and maybe partly because of the long day yesterday. from every single little mistake like spelling errors to grammar mistake to reference issues, she talked me through them. I gotta admit these o&g doctors are so damn good in comforting people and especially handling women. i managed to suck my tears back and signed the sheet off to agree with what she said. soon after the session ended, i jet off on a bus heading towards starbucks for florencia's mandarin lesson. that was one of the worst moment. moody, upset, i could almost felt some water blurring my vision. but since i didn't want to meet florencia in my teary eyes, i ended up swallowing them all down eventually. got quite emo at that point. i think its also bcoz like how i think o&g is quite my type of thing, like how it's always so busy, lots of 'on the go', communication needs, joys from the new mums. given the thinking that this subject might be for me long term wise, hence I did work pretty hardcore, felt the most motivated and put in quite a lot of efforts trying to understand every single details that i wasn't sure. yesterday came truly as a big let down. last night, i didn't have the head to think straight, came back, plonked myself into bed and slept straightaway till this morning skipping through dinner. certainly felt a lil bit hurt and upset and emo in my duvet.

med school is certainly one place where lots of motivation and passions are needed to keep people going. oh well... im glad that im not losing interest yet. quite pleased at myself this morning after woken up from bed, although still feeling some lil pinch, still, im able to smile at myself in the mirror like the usual days before setting off for hospital. i got to be a nerd. *pat on my own shoulder*

well... at this point, despite exam is 5 weeks away, i'm feeling quite drained already. it's time like this, reminders like 'this is not the finishing line yet, just hang in there abit more' are much needed. home is only 6 weeks away! hurray!

gem of the day: today over the call home, baby sis #1 told me how she wants to go out and buy food for me when i get home this summer. since today, mum brought her out and let her order food at the hawker center and for that reason this little girl feels she is like an adult already. these babies' words. never fail to put a smile on my face.

for the next 6 months

2 days ago. My snowball was back.

and today, he tells me about when he is leaving again

Of desserts, housemates, and foods

I'm trying out with this Picasa version 3! I don't know how outdated i'm with this new version, but i'm assuming this must be something quite new since i don't own it until just now when my comp reminded me to update it.

So, i was wondering what to snap a photo with and post it here. then as i looked around, AhuH! on my table sat this bowl of yummy chinese desserts.

White Fungus + Apple + Red Dates

Jovina just brought it in not long ago for me when I was nerding away with the renals. felt so like my mum during SPM days. =)

This also somehow reminded me those Teviot days when Pei would frequently try out her new recipes, be it cakes, kuihs, desserts, soups, snacks, dishes, all sorts, and get us to try. Those homesick days were then so well-fed.

I must be a lucky person. People I always end up living with, are those that enjoy cookinh and baking so much. Those are people who will go miles to find a good recipe, get the right ingredients, and carefully follow the recipe to make sure the end-products are near perfect. They always have these determination and motivation that I don't have.

If you were to ask me cook something and throw me a recipe, I will read through them, then use whatever i have with me, and make my own version. I'm that lazy.

Btw, since the mystery is out, I hereby announce I will be having a chic housemate next year! **clap clap clap** Hey Pretty, Welcome to our flat, we are officially housemates now!

I was called a chic in her blog! *beaming in joy** and when i read it i was so happified! haha. what's better than being called a chic by someone who you have always thought as an absolutely pretty chic right. to be honest, she always have those fashion senses that i would secretly admire and also her outing looks that i would always wanted to copy. but of course i didn't in the end, for obvious reason like my laziness. she's another hardcore one with food and bakery. go check out her food blog. i can assure you professionalism and quality.

seriously jenn, you really don't have to worry about our dinner rota next year. don't get so worried that we might not like your foods. afterall, we have been having Clem around for a year already and none of us are even complaining. hehhee. (secretly praying clem never read this). anyway, my point is, don't be worried. ur food is already considered more than good enough. and also in daily dinners, we don't demand for fine quality.

oh, btw, i never realise we have such tragic friendship stories. as tragic as it could be, sadly i got to say those descriptions and words you wrote about us were so true. indeed. looked how unhappy we used to be. but, people grow up. sometimes being strong is by choice. i hope you are only going to be happier and bubblier as time goes by. I'm looking forward to our housemateships!

Anticipation

In 24 hours time

the following round item will be available for collection in the local airport.



I am totally excited!

Bremen Breakaway

It's been a long while since i last written travel post. as much as i want to, time just got so little that there are always things to be busy with. Life has been good so far. except that weekend with food poisoning. nothing really to complain about recently! =)

The sun in Bremen is setting behind me, slowly, very slowly.

It's 8pm here but it's still as bright as the day time. through the long window, i'm looking at the busy traffic and city lights slowly being lit on before the night falls. finally spring's in the air! something good to know, and days are only going to get longer and longer of which i absolutely love. It somehow seems when a day is longer, I will have more time in hand to get things done. =)

So, I'm in Bremen! Roundy's treat to see his 3 weeks' workplace. what an impulsive decision. never did i book a flight one day before and pack and set to go the next day!

Bremen is a beautiful little town. No wonder Roundy even consider of coming here to settle down. It is difficult not to like this place, especially when the sun is abundant, people are very civilised, lots of foods and markets, and their applications of technology in daily life are just so impressive. No wonder the Germans today are still at the top notch of the engineering fields.

It is really not that big a town. Only 3 hours can bring you through all the main attractions.

First, St. Peter Cathedral

Don't get cheated by the ancient appearance. After the second world war, Bremen was basically a flat ground after being bombed by Brits since Hitler used to have a submarine base here.

So all these buildings were re-build only after the war, probably some time 70 years ago, trying to restore how they looked like before.

The locals say this Roland statue is the guardian of Bremen city. There are 25 of its kind in the whole Germany. probably trying to protect the country from being destroyed from top to bottom again.

then this one, the Town Musicians from the Grimm fairy tales for kids.

never did i hear the story before. Apparently this is VERY famous in Bremen. it's a rooster on top, then a cat, a dog and finally a donkey. Everyone touches the donkey's hooves when they go near. I did the same too, without knowing what is it for. Later went home Wiki only to understand it's supposed to make your wishes come true!

HALT! My Favourite!!! these wurst aka sausages are just roadside food. there are sooo nice that i went back so many times just to eat this plate of plain roll plus one wurst.

Easter is here. Everywhere they serve these colorful eggs. Pretty ain't they?

Oh Oh! German's foods are crazily big in portion. Like almost gigantic. you see...

Their calzoni. meant for one person portion.

if you don't think that looks very big, see this. (ignore me, my presence was to contrast the size of the calzoni)

Roundy happily growing fat here. Sheeesh!

So, that's all from Bremen's attraction. Really nothing much.

Since Roundy has lots of work to do so we kind of quickly come back to the hotel and start nerding after a quick tour around the city.

Im going to continue writing my essay. Yah, i'm this nerdy to carry my laptop here to work. stupid food poisoning got me this extension for essay that was supposed to due last week. and blame my procrastination skill also. always leave it till last minute.

anyway, it's a different way of travelling. walking at my own pace. stop and eat whenever i feel like. no more the usual have-to-run-to-see-the-next-attraction feelings. I kind of missed that though, it's something that you will do when you were young backpacking with your bunch of energetic friends. but somehow at this point i just realised i'm too old for that. give me some own sweet time off work, a good company, pretty sceneries, I am a happy girl.

so, see u babe end of this week back in Edin. it'd been almost 3 weeks already since u were away!

when there is sun shining outside but i can't leave the building as yet...

Instead of writing an email, i decided to write a quick post.

so this afternoon i got chucked out from the clinic for the reason, the junior doc isn't up to having a student in with her. so there goes my afternoon sitting in front of the comp here trying to come up with something productive while waiting for the 5pm mock osce to kick in.

and someone is not msn atm. and i'm missing him quite abit. i thought i would never start missing someone like i can always find something to entertain myself and someone to talk to, but it's just time like this i wish to have a company as good as him. oh well. perhaps he's happily enjoying the pork knuckles in germany joyfully growing rounder.

my tummy still aches in a constant and dull way. even a big laugh can make the pain turns colicky and gets me curled up for a few minutes. food poisoning really sucks.

ok. i can't think of anything else to say. just got to end it here n quickly run back to my magowan to get myself slightly more equiped for the osce later, not like i'm very good to start with. just couldnt't get the working mode kicked in as yet. lazy oh lazy. lack of motivation. lack of quality of life. perhaps, lack of u.

The Climb

For the weekend with food poisoning, i was almost shattered. All i could remember was the endless stomach cramp that even trying to sleep was such a torture. not to mentionthe frequent visits to the loo. speaking of which, i'm in serious deep shit now. overview essay was meant to start during the weekend, thanks to the calzoni we ate on saturday night, that's it. there gone all my essay plan. and now i'm left with 3 and a half day more before the deadline. and 3 days more before the mock osce with my tutor on wednesday. my stomach is not up for it yet. sitting up in chair is such a pain in arse. i think i've better off to see gp soon. hopefully a mc will save me from the deadline. but i'm not hoping for that, the coming long easter weekend suppose to fit in other plans like some serious revision for the ending O&G. well, i'm that screwed. all the backlogs of work. just because of one stupid food poisoning. aghh! GUTTERED!

Miley Cyrus has all I want to say in her new mv. at time like this, I just got to keep going and keep pushing on, reminding myself that i got to be strong.

Good Day

First, managed to sleep for 13 hours from 7pm - 8am after a long period of sleep deprivation.

Second, lunch is bak kut teh.

Third, comes a big bunch of surprise.

Fourth, has a complete flat to expect soon.

~~~~~

There is this 40 pounds cash sitting on my table already for a while.

It's grandma's money for donation to a local charity. It's one of her earlier wishes. Every time i look at it, I still can't help feeling this little heart wrenching inside.

Goodbye

Last week this day, late at midnight, my phone rang and it was a call from home. I don't know if it is just me, but I always find it a scary feeling, when you are far away from home, and your home rings you at odd hours. and I always pray very hard before i pick up each call hoping that it is not going to be some bad news i am going to receive.

So, I picked up the call and over the phone, it was sis's voice in a calm tone that spoke, "jie, ah ma passed away already."

immediately, my heart sank. It took me a long deep breath before i dare to query any further.

This is the granny that could easily satisfied as long as she knew we cared for her. Over a packet of Walker's shortbread or a box of chocolate, and she could smiled happily.

This is the granny that used to wake up very early in the morning like 6am, just to accompany her 10 year old granddaughter to wait for the school bus at the front gate, when her dad couldn't fetch her to school due to long distanced post.

This is the granny that would stuff us money, be it 50ringgit or 100ringgit, everytime she knew we were going to trips with friends. and no matter how hard we tried to push the money back to her, saying we were alright, save it for urself, she would still insist until we had no choice but to keep it. That's the way she showed her grandchldren her love, when she couldn't do anything else in her paralysed body.

This is the granny that would smiled and said 'this looked good on you', whenever we pulled on our new bought clothes and went up to her and asked what she think about it. Never once did she said anything negative. and we would then beamed away happily.

This is the granny that would asked me each time i was about to leave home for airport in my luggages that, when she would see me again and when would i be coming home, from the chair in the living room where she spent most of her time in. and for each time, i was able to give her an exact duration, like, 3 months, very quick, i'll be back in 3 months time. or maybe six months. but, not the last summer i left home, i didn't promised her anything despite her same old questions, when i knew i might be spending christmas abroad for the first time. and that was also the last time i saw her.

This is the granny that I would called home and greet every chinese new year and she would answered with her standard words, good good, you are such a good girl. This year, i did the same too. but instead of her normal replies, she could hardly spoke a word, instead, it was some voice that didn't make much sense over the phone, just to say she heard me. That was when the doctor told our family, her heart function was left only with 30% due to chronic heart failure. and deep down, i prayed hard, very hard that, please wait until summer comes, when i can go home again to see you once more.

This is also the granny that passed away in her sleep peacefully last week, and apparently just one night before she left, dad said her pillow was soaked wet in tears and that morning, she woke up fine and didn't complained a word. And after that night, the next morning, dad found her in sleep that she would never wake up again.

It has been a week since she is gone. So when this summer comes, when I go home, there won't be her anymore sitting in the living room waiting for me and my chocolates. also i'm guessing since i'm away from home and don't usually get to see her anyway, her departure doesn't impact me that hard yet, not until i go home and start feeling her real absence.

Although admittedly, the last part of your life journey wasn't very much enjoyable and was filled with medifcations and physical illnesses, I'm praying that ahma, you would now go to a place without sufferings and stay in eternal bliss. It had been more than 10 years you had to suffer from stroke and couldn't move the right side of your body.

and you will stay in our memories always. We miss you ahma.

Miss Independent

today had been a lil bit out of routine, no hectic hospital attachments and no other commitments. and suddenly, being able to sit in my own room looking at the blue sky, putting laundry into wash and having the afternoon sun shine on my face while i am lying on my bed seems like the greatest happiness i could have. see, deprivation always make one learns to be easily satisfied.

I don't usually do personality test, not like i am a scientologist. ;)

but like i said, since everything today is lil bit out of the normal way, i randomly clicked on a personality test in facebook. and hehe, i do like the outcome esp the part about the view on success. it is to a certain extent similiar with the interest i have in one specialty but i am too coward to do anything about it since it is very well known for the competitiveness like 1 in 10 success rate and also given my cv is not marvellously excellent compared to the many geniuses out there.

anyway, here is what it says,

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Serious, smart and determined people do make attractive lover, that's if you could also tolerate situations where you would be sacrificed for his work's sake. otherwise yah, they are charming people!

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
mmm, who wouldn't?

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?
don't think so.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
hell yah! my new year resolution this year is to become a Nerd! no joke.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
secure job + steady income = doctor

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
yes, yes and yes! sometimes, i do have idiopathic and notorious pride.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
hahaha, i guess so!


Quote of the day: never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option

Obs and Gynae Day 1

12 hours of Labour Ward on day 1 of obs and gynae block, and i'm all exhausted. nonetheless, i was still very amazed!

labour ward is such a place where the air is so filled with love and care, and all the emotions were so real and sincere. all you see are worried dads holding lovely mums' hands, kissing their foreheads, comforting them in every single way, pulling through pains and agony hand in hand...

anxiously anticipating their newborn's arrival, thinking after 9 months, finally we get to see u!

then, soon, come the cries of the baby,

right immediately, almost no second in between, all the tears and worries are turned into smile and hopes. such a miracle.

i swear just one second before, they were looking so anxious and unsettled. the next moment when they have the babies sleeping soundly in their arm, the expression on their faces were nothing else but the gratefulness in daddy's eyes, words of 'thank you' for mummy for such a well done job, and the satisfaction in mummy's smile, quietly and happily staring at the new love of their lives. i guess it's something i could never understand exactly how it feels like. only the people who'd been to that stage could tell how it really is like, words just couldn't describe.

so, Hello all the new babies in today's ward! Welcome to our world and happy birthday! I got to see how you all arrive in this world. and don't forget, to say thank you to mummy and daddy when u all are older. Pregnant mum really got a lot a lot to go through to make a baby come out healthy and cheerful.

i can't believe i broke into tears twice in the ward, when watching these babies' delivery!

愉快星期六

“唉”........

容我长长的叹一声气，如果你真以为我是心灰意冷看破红尘了，那你就错了。这一声长气，也只不过是把一个星期下来漫漫的郁闷都给叹掉，让腾出来的新肺容量来装进清新的空气，好让我能再度生龙活虎起来。

一个星期过了，是怎么过的，也就没什么印象的了，总之就是关在一个像是鱼缸的空间里，每隔一个小时就会换个人进来，在我们面前耍耍宝，然后出去，接着再换，从清晨一直到傍晚。偶尔把我们放出去吃吃饭，接着又得再回去关。

不说那些了，没什么好提。

这个悠闲周末，倒是很久以来都没有的自在。不用出去给学生上课，不用做饭，不用打扫屋子，轻轻松松的坐在房间里，翘起脚，桌上放了杯清水，桌下开了暖炉，舒舒服服的读着我爱的三毛，和她一起世界各地玩一遍，真有意思！

日子不就应该是如此吗。

最近不晓得为什么，我都有好似忙不完的事。做完了这个，就得忙那个，忙完了那个，还有另一个要开始准备。忙倒是忙，心倒还没茫，还没把自己弄丢了，日子还是挺快乐的。

这人生中的忙碌，看来是逃不掉的了。现在是个开端，我想不会那么快结束的了，将来要真开始上班了，那忙起来才真是身不由己。大人总爱说，一生忙忙碌碌，看情况我变成他们那样的日子也不会太远了！话又说回来，身体固然忙碌，心中却是怎样的一番天地，那就得考功夫了。

在这个年头，我就来做个快乐的大忙人。

new term blue

New rotation started 2 days ago. 2 weeks holiday were gone too. No, it wasn't spent on any fabulous holiday plan, nor was it about having a good rest. SSC deadline was extended into the holiday and when the report and the holiday lab work were finally over, it was almost time to start uni again. This is a new rotation i'm fear of. So much worries that i might not cope.

sis is coming in 3 weeks time, which also mean assignment due in late march or early april have to be done as soon as possible so that when she comes, i have the time to spend with her as well as to bring her around. March is gonna be busy. He's too busy preparing for his Germany project, whilst I'm busy with the new rotation and chasing the deadlines. Somehow i got a feeling, we aren't gonna communicate or spend quality time with each other alot in the near future.

I really miss those days of our midnight chats over msn, early morning walk for the sunrise, late night strolls, squash dates, etc etc. You know what, you're a great person, you do have alot in you that i can't help but to fall in love with. But somehow, there's always one thing you seems to not have, time.

Yeay! exam over!

and the next thing i did was intoxicated myself with one whole day of tvb series The Gem of Life from 3pm to 3am. hiak hiak. That might not the best way to spend the day post-exam and pre-ssc writing, but it was really really stress-free. =)

i simply cannot believe there's another exam down and soon one more rotation to go and we'll be done with 4th year! ok, now i just can't wait to start the next rotation! strange feeling, hmm.

anyway, time for a real battle now. the fearful SSC report writing. all the lab works are coming to an end. and the horrid part was that, just last week i for the first time asked my tutor what was the AIM of my whole project. That scared her quite a bit, she couldn't believe i simply not know what i was doing all along. but who ask her project to be so complicated! so the job now is not only to understand the whole complicated project, but also to be able to re-produce everything and put them into proper words and paper. crazy!

that's the next coming week all about. wish me luck people!