Last week this day, late at midnight, my phone rang and it was a call from home. I don't know if it is just me, but I always find it a scary feeling, when you are far away from home, and your home rings you at odd hours. and I always pray very hard before i pick up each call hoping that it is not going to be some bad news i am going to receive.
So, I picked up the call and over the phone, it was sis's voice in a calm tone that spoke, "jie, ah ma passed away already."
immediately, my heart sank. It took me a long deep breath before i dare to query any further.
This is the granny that could easily satisfied as long as she knew we cared for her. Over a packet of Walker's shortbread or a box of chocolate, and she could smiled happily.
This is the granny that used to wake up very early in the morning like 6am, just to accompany her 10 year old granddaughter to wait for the school bus at the front gate, when her dad couldn't fetch her to school due to long distanced post.
This is the granny that would stuff us money, be it 50ringgit or 100ringgit, everytime she knew we were going to trips with friends. and no matter how hard we tried to push the money back to her, saying we were alright, save it for urself, she would still insist until we had no choice but to keep it. That's the way she showed her grandchldren her love, when she couldn't do anything else in her paralysed body.
This is the granny that would smiled and said 'this looked good on you', whenever we pulled on our new bought clothes and went up to her and asked what she think about it. Never once did she said anything negative. and we would then beamed away happily.
This is the granny that would asked me each time i was about to leave home for airport in my luggages that, when she would see me again and when would i be coming home, from the chair in the living room where she spent most of her time in. and for each time, i was able to give her an exact duration, like, 3 months, very quick, i'll be back in 3 months time. or maybe six months. but, not the last summer i left home, i didn't promised her anything despite her same old questions, when i knew i might be spending christmas abroad for the first time. and that was also the last time i saw her.
This is the granny that I would called home and greet every chinese new year and she would answered with her standard words, good good, you are such a good girl. This year, i did the same too. but instead of her normal replies, she could hardly spoke a word, instead, it was some voice that didn't make much sense over the phone, just to say she heard me. That was when the doctor told our family, her heart function was left only with 30% due to chronic heart failure. and deep down, i prayed hard, very hard that, please wait until summer comes, when i can go home again to see you once more.
This is also the granny that passed away in her sleep peacefully last week, and apparently just one night before she left, dad said her pillow was soaked wet in tears and that morning, she woke up fine and didn't complained a word. And after that night, the next morning, dad found her in sleep that she would never wake up again.
It has been a week since she is gone. So when this summer comes, when I go home, there won't be her anymore sitting in the living room waiting for me and my chocolates. also i'm guessing since i'm away from home and don't usually get to see her anyway, her departure doesn't impact me that hard yet, not until i go home and start feeling her real absence.
Although admittedly, the last part of your life journey wasn't very much enjoyable and was filled with medifcations and physical illnesses, I'm praying that ahma, you would now go to a place without sufferings and stay in eternal bliss. It had been more than 10 years you had to suffer from stroke and couldn't move the right side of your body.
and you will stay in our memories always. We miss you ahma.
So, I picked up the call and over the phone, it was sis's voice in a calm tone that spoke, "jie, ah ma passed away already."
immediately, my heart sank. It took me a long deep breath before i dare to query any further.
This is the granny that could easily satisfied as long as she knew we cared for her. Over a packet of Walker's shortbread or a box of chocolate, and she could smiled happily.
This is the granny that used to wake up very early in the morning like 6am, just to accompany her 10 year old granddaughter to wait for the school bus at the front gate, when her dad couldn't fetch her to school due to long distanced post.
This is the granny that would stuff us money, be it 50ringgit or 100ringgit, everytime she knew we were going to trips with friends. and no matter how hard we tried to push the money back to her, saying we were alright, save it for urself, she would still insist until we had no choice but to keep it. That's the way she showed her grandchldren her love, when she couldn't do anything else in her paralysed body.
This is the granny that would smiled and said 'this looked good on you', whenever we pulled on our new bought clothes and went up to her and asked what she think about it. Never once did she said anything negative. and we would then beamed away happily.
This is the granny that would asked me each time i was about to leave home for airport in my luggages that, when she would see me again and when would i be coming home, from the chair in the living room where she spent most of her time in. and for each time, i was able to give her an exact duration, like, 3 months, very quick, i'll be back in 3 months time. or maybe six months. but, not the last summer i left home, i didn't promised her anything despite her same old questions, when i knew i might be spending christmas abroad for the first time. and that was also the last time i saw her.
This is the granny that I would called home and greet every chinese new year and she would answered with her standard words, good good, you are such a good girl. This year, i did the same too. but instead of her normal replies, she could hardly spoke a word, instead, it was some voice that didn't make much sense over the phone, just to say she heard me. That was when the doctor told our family, her heart function was left only with 30% due to chronic heart failure. and deep down, i prayed hard, very hard that, please wait until summer comes, when i can go home again to see you once more.
This is also the granny that passed away in her sleep peacefully last week, and apparently just one night before she left, dad said her pillow was soaked wet in tears and that morning, she woke up fine and didn't complained a word. And after that night, the next morning, dad found her in sleep that she would never wake up again.
It has been a week since she is gone. So when this summer comes, when I go home, there won't be her anymore sitting in the living room waiting for me and my chocolates. also i'm guessing since i'm away from home and don't usually get to see her anyway, her departure doesn't impact me that hard yet, not until i go home and start feeling her real absence.
Although admittedly, the last part of your life journey wasn't very much enjoyable and was filled with medifcations and physical illnesses, I'm praying that ahma, you would now go to a place without sufferings and stay in eternal bliss. It had been more than 10 years you had to suffer from stroke and couldn't move the right side of your body.
and you will stay in our memories always. We miss you ahma.
3 comments:
Cheer up.. i kow nth can heal ur pain in this loss. at least ya have beautiful memories of her.. muz pull urself together, k?
sorry to hear that...
condolences..
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