A Little Break in Routine

Breakaway Weekend

2010-09-01T05:59:00.012+01:00

this 'making photo on blog post so much bigger' trick is so fun! .

ever since i got my new baby, nikon d5000, i've become much more devoted in taking photos wherever i go! but i was abit depressed with blogspot not being able to make the photos i upload bigger, and earlier on, even thought of moving across to wordpress.

this making photo bigger thing must be a very common trick, and im only this late to discover it. =(

so fine, problem sorted now.

im now quite motivated to blog with the pictures i manage to take over the summer. but before that, im going to catch some sleep. it's already 6am now n im still playing with blogspot like a newbie noob. afterall a week of days off is pretty chilled out n the whole concept of waking up without having to use alarmclock and sleep whenever i want is definitely very satisfying.

goodnight for now. rmb to watch out this space! =)

the beginning of the rat race

2009-12-15T20:45:00.034Z

for once, I can't seems to picture the life beyond med school. yes, i'm rather anxious inside. for the recent weeks, i'm finding the future is holding too many uncertainties to the point that it appears bleak.

since mtas application took off in October, the rat race has officially begun.

not long ago, I was in this little room at the busiest bustling backpacker areas in Saigon working on the five mtas questions. I could still remember the sense of relief when I clicked on the submit button for the application to go through and that was also the decision made for two years down the road.

and before I realised, i was already back in Edinburgh later, being all busy with General Med day in day out. time just zoom pass much much faster when you are really busy and especially in winter too since days are much shorter anyway.

then again, before I realised, mtas score was out. everyone started to discuss about what programme to apply, what job they want and what they want to be in the future.

i feel like a kid standing in front of a candy shop having the amount of money just enough to afford a sweet. and there are too many colourful choices in front of eyes. but I can't decide.

it's not just about making a decision, but for each choice picked, there's always a whole set of matters that follows. I don't like the idea of not knowing how my life would be like in the future and how would things go and even more so, where i would end up in. sometimes, not only i feel i have no control of my own life, i don't feel belonged too.

for all my life, i think i have taken things for granted especially from my parents. there must be so many life choices they have made to be who they are today and to be able to provide me with everything i need. the idea of i'm going to be living on my own salary soon and to be called a working adult on my own feet with responsibilities for taxes and financial commitments can be quite daunting at the same time exciting.

at this point, i don't think i'm being intimidated by the competition which seems inevitable in the rat race. by saying that, i don't mean either i have a great cv to offer. am way far from that.

the thing is, i'm far more afraid of not knowing which competition i want to play in.

Saigon

2009-10-06T16:56:00.013+01:00

“我不愿去相信我们之间隔着海洋的距离我的爱已融化在空气里” ~ Love Story

“放我一个人生活请你双手不要再紧握一个人我至少干净利落沦落就沦落爱闯祸就闯祸” ~ 放生

“我相信离开终究会有始有终有一天我将能为你描写彩虹” ~ 情书

唱这些歌的范逸臣，一直是一个不知道为什么，但每次看见他的样子时，总能让我有种说不出特别感觉的人。

这些歌可能都不是主流作品，却有一股很深的感染力。尤其是当我在这个陌生城市，一个人流浪着的时候。

此时此刻的我，确实很享受着一个人生活。

卸下了锦衣华服和家中呵护，我拿起背包，踏着拖鞋，来到了这个才刚脱离共产阴影不久的国家，这个颇为贫穷却迅速崛起的城市。

我想我的骨子里是有种叛逆的。当很多人都问我为什么有好好的第一世界国家像新加坡一样那么舒适的环境不待，为什么非得要到一个这样的地方去。我也不知道。我只是想到我并不甘心在温室里长大，不愿让我的年轻都在漂亮衣着，精心设计的烛光晚餐和绚丽风景里度过。原先我要去的还是第三世界末端的非洲国家，要不是因为老爸不需肯，我早都去了。

那天去了医院报到，虽然作了很坏的打算，把期待降到最低，但是还是被这里的贫乏感到无可奈何。生命在这里并不值钱。被送进的医院的病人并没有太多的自主权利。凡是都是医生说了算，看情形而定。急诊室中两人一张病床一点都不稀奇。消毒和清洁的工作也欠完善，细菌感染的事不知道是要多严重。病房里死了人，护士的工作只是把被子轻轻拉上把病床推到一旁，其他一切处理甚至把尸体搬出病房的工作，全都得由家属自己解决。当病床被空出来之后，下一个被送进来的病人马上就被送上去。而且不晓得什么原因，每每夜晚一到，就会看见许多人带了日常用品到医院走廊打地铺。听说是为了隔天能抢到门诊的号码，能看得到医生。

在这个和我没有任何责任联系的土地，走在这里朴实而不加修饰的街道上，看见一张张吃苦耐劳的脸孔，亲切简单的笑脸，我慢下了脚步，静下了心来，实实在在的体验着人生。

这样的感觉，不知道为什么，总让我觉得有真真实实活着的感觉。

Hello Saigon!

2009-09-27T16:04:00.013+01:00

The 4 weeks elective in Lion city had ended so quickly. went back to muar on Friday, played with the two lil girls and spent some time seeing parents on Sat, and now before I realise, i'm here in Ho Chi Minh already.

Thankfully suz is here with me. this girl read the departure time wrongly and I almost had to come here by myself! >.<
Although today has been tiring, but I'm totally excited about it!
must be the feeling of adventurous and exploring a city totally on our own that makes me so excited.

at the moment, i'm still in a holiday mood and has definitely not quite convinced that this city is going to be home for the coming month. i guess that's the reason why i'm still kind of excited about it at the moment happily being a tourist. wonder what would i feel about this place a mth later as so many things would have change by then for sure. even mtas will be completed here too and the thing is, the real deal starts TMR!

Tomorrow we are also going to check out the Cho Ray Hospital early in the morning. so i'm going to have an early night.

goodnight world.

Elective!

2009-09-16T16:55:00.007+01:00

Hey, I'm on elective! it sounds happpening eh! teehee. My elective is in one of the few city countries in the world, Singapore!

I don't know why i'm so excited since this is not the first time I'm here in sg, it's already like a second home to me after all these years and i attribute these happiness to the very very nice family i'm living with atm. Whats more to ask for when every evening you can come home to an uber warm house with the company of the lovely childhood cousins and the aunt who will prepare one full table of dishes awaiting us.

I must say I really enjoy the homely feels, when you can always hear familiar voices chatting away in the background and you know you are never alone. After all these years of living alone, I guess I'm pretty afraid of the deadly silence in the background. it's like when you are not talking, all you hear is only your own breathing and some noises from the streets that has absolutely nothing to do with you.

For the first 2 weeks in the SGH, I was absolutely excited and looking forward to the wards and patients every morning. It is certainly fun to do medicine in your own languages. Motivation needed to wake up at 6.30 every morning and left at 7am, in order to be at the ward at 8am was certainly high quality and level. Never did I do that straight for 2 weeks in the Burgh. urghh! but i'm not complaining, instead I absolutely loved it! would there be a chance that I can come here at work at some point in life? hmm. future will unfold by itself as we go on. we'll see.

So, this is the 3rd week into the elective already. I can't believe it, this is Sooooo quick! can't blif there's only 5 weeks left before I'll be back in Edinburgh again, and this time, for the real deal, FINALS!! ok, better not think about that first.

Let's see, so one week left. Me cousin and I just decided that we haven't do most of the things we wanted to do as per our original plan. As you can see we were pretty much enjoying each other's companies at home everyday after work mainly eating, laughing and bantering. seriously, if you're with the right company, even a shit hole can be a lovely garden. thanks dearie for everything and ur super mum too!

hehehe, so from now on, there's going to be lots of last minute activities in sg as next Sunday, it will be the Ho Chi Minh City already, a city where everyone gives me the advice that I should close my eyes to cross the roads, otherwise you will never be able to reach the other side. oh well, adventurous la.

we went shopping today. ha! i think this shopping thing is really mood dependent. if you're in the right mood, somehow you will see lots of good stuffs in front of ur eyes. so, yeah, productive indeed. bought a pair of heels which i can't stop staring at. it has been awhile, mmm... 2 years perhaps? since I last saw a pair of shoes I really really love.

and it's been a while too, since i last felt so good with my life!

Impromptu

2009-06-11T21:03:00.039+01:00

After a year of goodbye last bid over web cam, I finally see him again.

Instead of a well planned meet up, it came up as an impromptu. just 3 days after my return. It caught me all of a sudden and I was, honestly stunned. nailed on the spot, not knowing what to do next. Seldom did I feel completely lost in reacting to situations, and that was indeed one! I was just out to supper with sis and a bunch of her friends who come visiting, then randomly, among the many strangers in the food center, two pair of wandering eyes met and it took me a while to realise that it was him. yes, it was no one else, but him. quickly, i shifted my attention to somewhere else, pretending previously I was not focusing my sight on anyone, but merely scanning through the people, hence saving me efforts to say hi in an awkward situation. There were a big bunch of friends around him, i wasn't able to pay much attention to them. But according to sis, there was a girl next to him. However, surprisingly, the gf bit i was completely ok, nothing emotional, there was no sense of jealousy, no sense of guilt, no sense of sorrow, nothing of that sort like people used to describe when they bump into their ex with a new partner. The emotional bits that got stirred up was purely because of his presence.

It's time like this, i simply hoped that Michael could be with me, if he was there, he must have been able to calm me down, tell me what to do next, at the same time hold my sweaty palms tight. It's time like this, i don't know how to describe my feelings nor express myself. If i were to put them down in words, only 'shocked & lost' could fit in.

Throughout the supper, i didn't enjoy much. merely to hear his voice sounding clearly and vividly in my ears. He was loud and lively as usual. He probably noticed me too, cause sis's friends said people from his table keep looking at us and they were even wondering if i should turn around and see if there were someone i knew. But i was smart enough to choose a seat back facing him.

It's never an easy journey, isn't it? After 3 or 4 years of struggle, finally we decided to admit defeat to the circumstance, to let go, to bid farewell and managed to live out of each others shadows. It's good to see that each of us are moving on with our lives, having a space above us that we can breathe freely. no more sneaking out, no more cheating on parents, no more long distance, no more arguments over who should change, and no more cracking our brains so hard on finding a solution for us. I'm pretty sure that everything we are having now, are something that suits us well, something that we can happily enjoy without having to put in extra extra efforts just to make it work, and it's not as if the more efforts we put in, the more pleasant the outcome will be, most of the times they are likely to just meet a dead end or end up nowhere, which often rendered us disappointed and hopeless. As for now, it is a happy ending that I will smile on. Yet, i can't help but to feel the heart string got slightly pulled, when I realize what we used to share are officially a past, we have moved on. By saying this, i'm not trying to say that i wish they are not a past at this point, i'm happy with things now, it's just a feeling of reminiscences that you get when you look at one big chapter of your past right in front of your eyes, and realizing that they are already history.

On the way driving home, I seems to understand better something Adelynn used to say, 'a home is where your heart belongs'.

He, used to be someone i cared for so much, someone that i paid so much efforts in, but it all seems like a distant past now, nothing else but a piece of memories etched in my heart. Memory is only beautiful because it is memory, people can somehow imagine whatever they want or carve it whatever way they please, and that's the best part of memory.

As i left that place and came back to my own family, my friends, my beloved man, it seems like I can no longer find a space in my life for this guy to fit in anymore.

anyhow, i'm still wishing the best for him. He, shall be a part of my memory that i can never erase. whereas to the beloved man, i wish that it's your hand that i'm going to hold on to till the very end.

Home finally!

2009-06-09T20:40:00.002+01:00

It's definitely rewarding that after a long year of busy work and studies, there's still a place called home where i can come back to and feel belonged.

Looking at the two lil girls, they are now smarter, talk better and getting more and more considerate towards us, the adults.

Viva la Vida

2009-06-01T02:49:00.010+01:00

Exam was over 2 days ago. and just a few hours after the last paper, I felt a sense of lost, a feeling of aimlessness not knowing what to do next. I guess it must be a big change, from the past few weeks, when everyday was planned ahead on things that I should be studying and learning to now, when every minute seems to be a little bit empty, it must be a transitional period for things to slow down back to its original pace again.

Although sometimes I might have ranted a lil bit more on my blog and complained to others about my life my studies my boredom my relationship, however, I would still say that I am very grateful with what I've been given, at this point of life. These two days when I actually have a chance to sit down to listen to my heart again, to have a look at everything around me, to tidy up my room and discovering a few lil gems lying around the corners, they just seems very beautiful. The people, the flat, the city, the love, the life... that sometimes bcoz of my temper my tantrum my mood swing, I failed to notice their true charm.

Summer is here finally, after such a long wait. a season of sun, sandals, meadows, picnics, and freshness in the air. i'm heading home in a week's time. i can't wait to see how big that two little babies have grown up to, can't wait to meet my parents again, can't wait to enjoy another side of myself, but at the same time a lil bit heavy hearted to leave my Roundy behind. Like i said, i'm still very grateful with my life. knowing that 4th year has officially ended, an important chapter in life has come to an end, whilst another side of life is going to begin, back in my home sweet home. isn't life just beautiful? peepz, enjoy ur summer! they say it's going to be the driest and hottest. oh well, thats what i seems to be hearing every year. but anyway, i'm so going to enjoy mine... n hopefully u too!

'Retta'

2009-05-06T22:56:00.009+01:00

I met an old lady in the ward today. When we first started our chat, I told her I was asked to see her to have a quick history taking from her. She was very cooperative and welcoming to both Matt and I. She introduced herself as Retta for Margaret then said, 'It's alright, no worries, i'll try to help as much as I can since i won't be in here for long.'

As fast as Matt and I responded, we agreed with what she said and told her we felt happy for her that she could go home soon. and no, that came as an embarassing moment, as she went, 'i meant literally, i won't be in here for long, i only have a few more weeks left'.

That was a big shock to both of us, as we totally didn't expect we were going to talk to someone who's terminally ill and was receiving palliative care. and no, we weren't in the palliative ward, it was just a haematology ward, oh well, some of the patients could still be quite seriously ill.

Somehow when I know that i'm talking to someone who's going to leave this world in a few weeks time, I just don't know how to handle it. Things like 'how does she feel at this moment', 'what would everything be like seeing through her eyes when she knows she only have a few more weeks to go', 'how would death feel like to her', 'how should i handle this conversation'...etc etc, just keep flashing through my mind.

As she sat right in front of me, i can imagine she must have looked quite beautiful at her younger age. For someone her age, she definitely have a pair of big shining eyes not veyr common in her age group and a nice face shape with very refined features.

As we chatted on, she told us she used to be a musical performer together with her husband and both of them had been performing in many parts of the world. With the beaming smile on her face, she then went on telling us how they travelled around together, then decided to settle down for a family, had her son and daughter, then grandchildren, lived together till he died two years ago with kidney problem, and now she felt it's alright for her to go also. Throughout our conversation, unlike what i would have expected, there wasn't a single drop of tear in her eyes. Occasionally, there were some jokes sprinkled in about her younger days and we were laughing together. All i saw was just beautiful beautiful smile and clear laughters that showed how proud she was with her life. and certainly, no regrets.

I was quite overwhelmed. It's not as if she got diagnosed of her leukemia ages ago, it was just 2 months ago that she was told. and look how well she is coping with this, death just seems like another matter she is going to handle.

The most fasicinating part to me was that, like how much would it take for one to actually have that sense of achievement in them to say, I feel i have done all i want to and i don't feel regret leaving this place. Suddenly I felt inspired by this old lady. 40 or 50 years down the road, I want to look back and be able to say the same thing like her too.

When asked about if she feels worried with what is going to come and how does she feel at this point. Guess what she told me,

'I have faith with me darling, that's all i need'.

For one to face death in such a peaceful and calm way, it certainly takes a lot of courage.

Our conversation didn't last too long as there was a tutorial to attend. As we were leaving and saying thank you for her help, i tend to take a few more looks at her. It certainly feels strange when you know this is going to be the last time you see someone and soon they are not going to be in this world anymore. She was very kind and said in a cute way,

'i hope next time you see someone with the same disease, you will be reminded by Retta's case. Wish u guys all the best and HAPPY DOCTORING.'

hahaah, first time I heard a wishing line like that, but that was still very cute. When we left the room, i saw her picked up her story book and continued reading with some smile still lingering on her face. Can't believe someone who's dying can still be so positive, there really isn't much reasons for us, the young and fit, to frown.

Daily life

2009-04-26T23:42:00.019+01:00

Baby forgot to sign off, so I'll sneak something describing precisely her daily life into here!

Better run before she finds out...

M

of the med sch ups and downs

2009-04-25T15:59:00.022+01:00

Phew!! 2 weeks of Dunfermline is finally over. no more mornings of being fed with lily allen and all her 'f*** you, f*** you very very much' or Blink 182 'F*** your dog, F*** your mum's ass' type of music in the car while heading across the bridge to the queen margaret. the boys in the car love those music and it's strange to me like how they enjoy listening to musics like these every morning before hospital sessions. i still can't appreciate their taste.

so now there's one more module in the bag to add on to revision, oh wait, it's not Re-vision, since i've not read them even for the first time yet, well, learning would be a better description. yah, one more module to add on to learnings. I've no idea why i'm feeling so behind of this whole learning progress. unlike o&g when things were pretty motivated, this renal module just isn't great at all and i'm attributing this lack of passion to reasons like we didn't get much love from the people there, the complicated clinical sciences behind every case and worst still, we only saw our consultant once and that was on the LAST day of the module. oh well. oh well.

portfolio is another setback. 2 issues. one with o&g another one with renal. renal portfolio is still 0% done despite the module has ended. maybe because i somehow know the deadline is not too soon yet, hence not much of motivation to get it done. but NVM. i'm definitely going to get it kick off this weekend!

o&g portfolio was a sad story. we went in for feedback session yesterday. kirsty our consultant didn't meet us in person but sent in her registrar instead. things went ok at the beginning, the reg mentioned like how she thought i was getting more and more motivated towards the end of the module and how much i shone in the group bla bla blah... as she went on there's this unsettled feelings inside that i felt something just isn't quite right and i wasn't quite comfortable with what she said. i had a feeling something bad is going to come! n i was RIGHT! until she mentioned the portfolio feedback. she said it was marked by kirsty and she thought that the results will let me down and she thought it's not soemthing i deserved. it's low. very low. almost on the failing end. it's the worst mark i have ever gotten for pf and tbh, at that point, i almost cried. simply because i thought i put in quite alot of efforts to do it and maybe partly because of the long day yesterday. from every single little mistake like spelling errors to grammar mistake to reference issues, she talked me through them. I gotta admit these o&g doctors are so damn good in comforting people and especially handling women. i managed to suck my tears back and signed the sheet off to agree with what she said. soon after the session ended, i jet off on a bus heading towards starbucks for florencia's mandarin lesson. that was one of the worst moment. moody, upset, i could almost felt some water blurring my vision. but since i didn't want to meet florencia in my teary eyes, i ended up swallowing them all down eventually. got quite emo at that point. i think its also bcoz like how i think o&g is quite my type of thing, like how it's always so busy, lots of 'on the go', communication needs, joys from the new mums. given the thinking that this subject might be for me long term wise, hence I did work pretty hardcore, felt the most motivated and put in quite a lot of efforts trying to understand every single details that i wasn't sure. yesterday came truly as a big let down. last night, i didn't have the head to think straight, came back, plonked myself into bed and slept straightaway till this morning skipping through dinner. certainly felt a lil bit hurt and upset and emo in my duvet.

med school is certainly one place where lots of motivation and passions are needed to keep people going. oh well... im glad that im not losing interest yet. quite pleased at myself this morning after woken up from bed, although still feeling some lil pinch, still, im able to smile at myself in the mirror like the usual days before setting off for hospital. i got to be a nerd. *pat on my own shoulder*

well... at this point, despite exam is 5 weeks away, i'm feeling quite drained already. it's time like this, reminders like 'this is not the finishing line yet, just hang in there abit more' are much needed. home is only 6 weeks away! hurray!

gem of the day: today over the call home, baby sis #1 told me how she wants to go out and buy food for me when i get home this summer. since today, mum brought her out and let her order food at the hawker center and for that reason this little girl feels she is like an adult already. these babies' words. never fail to put a smile on my face.

for the next 6 months

2009-04-21T21:56:00.011+01:00

2 days ago. My snowball was back.

and today, he tells me about when he is leaving again

Of desserts, housemates, and foods

2009-04-18T20:32:00.014+01:00

I'm trying out with this Picasa version 3! I don't know how outdated i'm with this new version, but i'm assuming this must be something quite new since i don't own it until just now when my comp reminded me to update it.

So, i was wondering what to snap a photo with and post it here. then as i looked around, AhuH! on my table sat this bowl of yummy chinese desserts.

White Fungus + Apple + Red Dates

Jovina just brought it in not long ago for me when I was nerding away with the renals. felt so like my mum during SPM days. =)

This also somehow reminded me those Teviot days when Pei would frequently try out her new recipes, be it cakes, kuihs, desserts, soups, snacks, dishes, all sorts, and get us to try. Those homesick days were then so well-fed.

I must be a lucky person. People I always end up living with, are those that enjoy cookinh and baking so much. Those are people who will go miles to find a good recipe, get the right ingredients, and carefully follow the recipe to make sure the end-products are near perfect. They always have these determination and motivation that I don't have.

If you were to ask me cook something and throw me a recipe, I will read through them, then use whatever i have with me, and make my own version. I'm that lazy.

Btw, since the mystery is out, I hereby announce I will be having a chic housemate next year! **clap clap clap** Hey Pretty, Welcome to our flat, we are officially housemates now!

I was called a chic in her blog! *beaming in joy** and when i read it i was so happified! haha. what's better than being called a chic by someone who you have always thought as an absolutely pretty chic right. to be honest, she always have those fashion senses that i would secretly admire and also her outing looks that i would always wanted to copy. but of course i didn't in the end, for obvious reason like my laziness. she's another hardcore one with food and bakery. go check out her food blog. i can assure you professionalism and quality.

seriously jenn, you really don't have to worry about our dinner rota next year. don't get so worried that we might not like your foods. afterall, we have been having Clem around for a year already and none of us are even complaining. hehhee. (secretly praying clem never read this). anyway, my point is, don't be worried. ur food is already considered more than good enough. and also in daily dinners, we don't demand for fine quality.

oh, btw, i never realise we have such tragic friendship stories. as tragic as it could be, sadly i got to say those descriptions and words you wrote about us were so true. indeed. looked how unhappy we used to be. but, people grow up. sometimes being strong is by choice. i hope you are only going to be happier and bubblier as time goes by. I'm looking forward to our housemateships!

Anticipation

2009-04-18T19:35:00.007+01:00

In 24 hours time

the following ~~round~~ item will be available for collection in the local airport.

I am totally excited!

Bremen Breakaway

2009-04-11T18:51:00.034+01:00

It's been a long while since i last written travel post. as much as i want to, time just got so little that there are always things to be busy with. Life has been good so far. except that weekend with food poisoning. nothing really to complain about recently! =)

The sun in Bremen is setting behind me, slowly, very slowly.

It's 8pm here but it's still as bright as the day time. through the long window, i'm looking at the busy traffic and city lights slowly being lit on before the night falls. finally spring's in the air! something good to know, and days are only going to get longer and longer of which i absolutely love. It somehow seems when a day is longer, I will have more time in hand to get things done. =)

So, I'm in Bremen! Roundy's treat to see his 3 weeks' workplace. what an impulsive decision. never did i book a flight one day before and pack and set to go the next day!

Bremen is a beautiful little town. No wonder Roundy even consider of coming here to settle down. It is difficult not to like this place, especially when the sun is abundant, people are very civilised, lots of foods and markets, and their applications of technology in daily life are just so impressive. No wonder the Germans today are still at the top notch of the engineering fields.

It is really not that big a town. Only 3 hours can bring you through all the main attractions.

First, St. Peter Cathedral

Don't get cheated by the ancient appearance. After the second world war, Bremen was basically a flat ground after being bombed by Brits since Hitler used to have a submarine base here.

So all these buildings were re-build only after the war, probably some time 70 years ago, trying to restore how they looked like before.

The locals say this Roland statue is the guardian of Bremen city. There are 25 of its kind in the whole Germany. probably trying to protect the country from being destroyed from top to bottom again.

then this one, the Town Musicians from the Grimm fairy tales for kids.

never did i hear the story before. Apparently this is VERY famous in Bremen. it's a rooster on top, then a cat, a dog and finally a donkey. Everyone touches the donkey's hooves when they go near. I did the same too, without knowing what is it for. Later went home Wiki only to understand it's supposed to make your wishes come true!

HALT! My Favourite!!! these wurst aka sausages are just roadside food. there are sooo nice that i went back so many times just to eat this plate of plain roll plus one wurst.

Easter is here. Everywhere they serve these colorful eggs. Pretty ain't they?

Oh Oh! German's foods are crazily big in portion. Like almost gigantic. you see...

Their calzoni. meant for one person portion.

if you don't think that looks very big, see this. (ignore me, my presence was to contrast the size of the calzoni)

Roundy happily growing fat here. Sheeesh!

So, that's all from Bremen's attraction. Really nothing much.

Since Roundy has lots of work to do so we kind of quickly come back to the hotel and start nerding after a quick tour around the city.

Im going to continue writing my essay. Yah, i'm this nerdy to carry my laptop here to work. stupid food poisoning got me this extension for essay that was supposed to due last week. and blame my procrastination skill also. always leave it till last minute.

anyway, it's a different way of travelling. walking at my own pace. stop and eat whenever i feel like. no more the usual have-to-run-to-see-the-next-attraction feelings. I kind of missed that though, it's something that you will do when you were young backpacking with your bunch of energetic friends. but somehow at this point i just realised i'm too old for that. give me some own sweet time off work, a good company, pretty sceneries, I am a happy girl.

so, see u babe end of this week back in Edin. it'd been almost 3 weeks already since u were away!

when there is sun shining outside but i can't leave the building as yet...

2009-04-07T15:13:00.002+01:00

Instead of writing an email, i decided to write a quick post.

so this afternoon i got chucked out from the clinic for the reason, the junior doc isn't up to having a student in with her. so there goes my afternoon sitting in front of the comp here trying to come up with something productive while waiting for the 5pm mock osce to kick in.

and someone is not msn atm. and i'm missing him quite abit. i thought i would never start missing someone like i can always find something to entertain myself and someone to talk to, but it's just time like this i wish to have a company as good as him. oh well. perhaps he's happily enjoying the pork knuckles in germany joyfully growing rounder.

my tummy still aches in a constant and dull way. even a big laugh can make the pain turns colicky and gets me curled up for a few minutes. food poisoning really sucks.

ok. i can't think of anything else to say. just got to end it here n quickly run back to my magowan to get myself slightly more equiped for the osce later, not like i'm very good to start with. just couldnt't get the working mode kicked in as yet. lazy oh lazy. lack of motivation. lack of quality of life. perhaps, lack of u.

The Climb

2009-04-06T08:57:00.005+01:00

For the weekend with food poisoning, i was almost shattered. All i could remember was the endless stomach cramp that even trying to sleep was such a torture. not to mentionthe frequent visits to the loo. speaking of which, i'm in serious deep shit now. overview essay was meant to start during the weekend, thanks to the calzoni we ate on saturday night, that's it. there gone all my essay plan. and now i'm left with 3 and a half day more before the deadline. and 3 days more before the mock osce with my tutor on wednesday. my stomach is not up for it yet. sitting up in chair is such a pain in arse. i think i've better off to see gp soon. hopefully a mc will save me from the deadline. but i'm not hoping for that, the coming long easter weekend suppose to fit in other plans like some serious revision for the ending O&G. well, i'm that screwed. all the backlogs of work. just because of one stupid food poisoning. aghh! GUTTERED!

Miley Cyrus has all I want to say in her new mv. at time like this, I just got to keep going and keep pushing on, reminding myself that i got to be strong.

Good Day

2009-04-04T18:35:00.010+01:00

First, managed to sleep for 13 hours from 7pm - 8am after a long period of sleep deprivation.

Second, lunch is bak kut teh.

Third, comes a big bunch of surprise.

Fourth, has a complete flat to expect soon.

~~~~~

There is this 40 pounds cash sitting on my table already for a while.

It's grandma's money for donation to a local charity. It's one of her earlier wishes. Every time i look at it, I still can't help feeling this little heart wrenching inside.

Goodbye

2009-03-14T10:50:00.014Z

Last week this day, late at midnight, my phone rang and it was a call from home. I don't know if it is just me, but I always find it a scary feeling, when you are far away from home, and your home rings you at odd hours. and I always pray very hard before i pick up each call hoping that it is not going to be some bad news i am going to receive.

So, I picked up the call and over the phone, it was sis's voice in a calm tone that spoke, "jie, ah ma passed away already."

immediately, my heart sank. It took me a long deep breath before i dare to query any further.

This is the granny that could easily satisfied as long as she knew we cared for her. Over a packet of Walker's shortbread or a box of chocolate, and she could smiled happily.

This is the granny that used to wake up very early in the morning like 6am, just to accompany her 10 year old granddaughter to wait for the school bus at the front gate, when her dad couldn't fetch her to school due to long distanced post.

This is the granny that would stuff us money, be it 50ringgit or 100ringgit, everytime she knew we were going to trips with friends. and no matter how hard we tried to push the money back to her, saying we were alright, save it for urself, she would still insist until we had no choice but to keep it. That's the way she showed her grandchldren her love, when she couldn't do anything else in her paralysed body.

This is the granny that would smiled and said 'this looked good on you', whenever we pulled on our new bought clothes and went up to her and asked what she think about it. Never once did she said anything negative. and we would then beamed away happily.

This is the granny that would asked me each time i was about to leave home for airport in my luggages that, when she would see me again and when would i be coming home, from the chair in the living room where she spent most of her time in. and for each time, i was able to give her an exact duration, like, 3 months, very quick, i'll be back in 3 months time. or maybe six months. but, not the last summer i left home, i didn't promised her anything despite her same old questions, when i knew i might be spending christmas abroad for the first time. and that was also the last time i saw her.

This is the granny that I would called home and greet every chinese new year and she would answered with her standard words, good good, you are such a good girl. This year, i did the same too. but instead of her normal replies, she could hardly spoke a word, instead, it was some voice that didn't make much sense over the phone, just to say she heard me. That was when the doctor told our family, her heart function was left only with 30% due to chronic heart failure. and deep down, i prayed hard, very hard that, please wait until summer comes, when i can go home again to see you once more.

This is also the granny that passed away in her sleep peacefully last week, and apparently just one night before she left, dad said her pillow was soaked wet in tears and that morning, she woke up fine and didn't complained a word. And after that night, the next morning, dad found her in sleep that she would never wake up again.

It has been a week since she is gone. So when this summer comes, when I go home, there won't be her anymore sitting in the living room waiting for me and my chocolates. also i'm guessing since i'm away from home and don't usually get to see her anyway, her departure doesn't impact me that hard yet, not until i go home and start feeling her real absence.

Although admittedly, the last part of your life journey wasn't very much enjoyable and was filled with medifcations and physical illnesses, I'm praying that ahma, you would now go to a place without sufferings and stay in eternal bliss. It had been more than 10 years you had to suffer from stroke and couldn't move the right side of your body.

and you will stay in our memories always. We miss you ahma.

Miss Independent

2009-03-12T19:11:00.016Z

today had been a lil bit out of routine, no hectic hospital attachments and no other commitments. and suddenly, being able to sit in my own room looking at the blue sky, putting laundry into wash and having the afternoon sun shine on my face while i am lying on my bed seems like the greatest happiness i could have. see, deprivation always make one learns to be easily satisfied.

I don't usually do personality test, not like i am a scientologist. ;)

but like i said, since everything today is lil bit out of the normal way, i randomly clicked on a personality test in facebook. and hehe, i do like the outcome esp the part about the view on success. it is to a certain extent similiar with the interest i have in one specialty but i am too coward to do anything about it since it is very well known for the competitiveness like 1 in 10 success rate and also given my cv is not marvellously excellent compared to the many geniuses out there.

anyway, here is what it says,

Your view on yourself:
You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.
Serious, smart and determined people do make attractive lover, that's if you could also tolerate situations where you would be sacrificed for his work's sake. otherwise yah, they are charming people!

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.
mmm, who wouldn't?

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?
don't think so.

Your views on education:
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.
hell yah! my new year resolution this year is to become a Nerd! no joke.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
secure job + steady income = doctor

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
yes, yes and yes! sometimes, i do have idiopathic and notorious pride.

Who is your true self:
You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
hahaha, i guess so!

Quote of the day: never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option

Obs and Gynae Day 1

2009-03-03T01:55:00.010Z

12 hours of Labour Ward on day 1 of obs and gynae block, and i'm all exhausted. nonetheless, i was still very amazed!

labour ward is such a place where the air is so filled with love and care, and all the emotions were so real and sincere. all you see are worried dads holding lovely mums' hands, kissing their foreheads, comforting them in every single way, pulling through pains and agony hand in hand...

anxiously anticipating their newborn's arrival, thinking after 9 months, finally we get to see u!

then, soon, come the cries of the baby,

right immediately, almost no second in between, all the tears and worries are turned into smile and hopes. such a miracle.

i swear just one second before, they were looking so anxious and unsettled. the next moment when they have the babies sleeping soundly in their arm, the expression on their faces were nothing else but the gratefulness in daddy's eyes, words of 'thank you' for mummy for such a well done job, and the satisfaction in mummy's smile, quietly and happily staring at the new love of their lives. i guess it's something i could never understand exactly how it feels like. only the people who'd been to that stage could tell how it really is like, words just couldn't describe.

so, Hello all the new babies in today's ward! Welcome to our world and happy birthday! I got to see how you all arrive in this world. and don't forget, to say thank you to mummy and daddy when u all are older. Pregnant mum really got a lot a lot to go through to make a baby come out healthy and cheerful.

i can't believe i broke into tears twice in the ward, when watching these babies' delivery!

愉快星期六

2009-02-28T23:02:00.011Z

“唉”........

容我长长的叹一声气，如果你真以为我是心灰意冷看破红尘了，那你就错了。这一声长气，也只不过是把一个星期下来漫漫的郁闷都给叹掉，让腾出来的新肺容量来装进清新的空气，好让我能再度生龙活虎起来。

一个星期过了，是怎么过的，也就没什么印象的了，总之就是关在一个像是鱼缸的空间里，每隔一个小时就会换个人进来，在我们面前耍耍宝，然后出去，接着再换，从清晨一直到傍晚。偶尔把我们放出去吃吃饭，接着又得再回去关。

不说那些了，没什么好提。

这个悠闲周末，倒是很久以来都没有的自在。不用出去给学生上课，不用做饭，不用打扫屋子，轻轻松松的坐在房间里，翘起脚，桌上放了杯清水，桌下开了暖炉，舒舒服服的读着我爱的三毛，和她一起世界各地玩一遍，真有意思！

日子不就应该是如此吗。

最近不晓得为什么，我都有好似忙不完的事。做完了这个，就得忙那个，忙完了那个，还有另一个要开始准备。忙倒是忙，心倒还没茫，还没把自己弄丢了，日子还是挺快乐的。

这人生中的忙碌，看来是逃不掉的了。现在是个开端，我想不会那么快结束的了，将来要真开始上班了，那忙起来才真是身不由己。大人总爱说，一生忙忙碌碌，看情况我变成他们那样的日子也不会太远了！话又说回来，身体固然忙碌，心中却是怎样的一番天地，那就得考功夫了。

在这个年头，我就来做个快乐的大忙人。

new term blue

2009-02-24T23:50:00.004Z

New rotation started 2 days ago. 2 weeks holiday were gone too. No, it wasn't spent on any fabulous holiday plan, nor was it about having a good rest. SSC deadline was extended into the holiday and when the report and the holiday lab work were finally over, it was almost time to start uni again. This is a new rotation i'm fear of. So much worries that i might not cope.

sis is coming in 3 weeks time, which also mean assignment due in late march or early april have to be done as soon as possible so that when she comes, i have the time to spend with her as well as to bring her around. March is gonna be busy. He's too busy preparing for his Germany project, whilst I'm busy with the new rotation and chasing the deadlines. Somehow i got a feeling, we aren't gonna communicate or spend quality time with each other alot in the near future.

I really miss those days of our midnight chats over msn, early morning walk for the sunrise, late night strolls, squash dates, etc etc. You know what, you're a great person, you do have alot in you that i can't help but to fall in love with. But somehow, there's always one thing you seems to not have, time.

Yeay! exam over!

2009-01-30T12:42:00.004Z

and the next thing i did was intoxicated myself with one whole day of tvb series The Gem of Life from 3pm to 3am. hiak hiak. That might not the best way to spend the day post-exam and pre-ssc writing, but it was really really stress-free. =)

i simply cannot believe there's another exam down and soon one more rotation to go and we'll be done with 4th year! ok, now i just can't wait to start the next rotation! strange feeling, hmm.

anyway, time for a real battle now. the fearful SSC report writing. all the lab works are coming to an end. and the horrid part was that, just last week i for the first time asked my tutor what was the AIM of my whole project. That scared her quite a bit, she couldn't believe i simply not know what i was doing all along. but who ask her project to be so complicated! so the job now is not only to understand the whole complicated project, but also to be able to re-produce everything and put them into proper words and paper. crazy!

that's the next coming week all about. wish me luck people!

CNY is here... and exam isn't too far away

2009-01-27T21:36:00.010Z

this card came in post today. i was soo happy! what else can feel closer than a card from home. Thanks YingJie! just wait for me to go back for CNY next time. hopefully soon!

Dinner is just over and here i am sitting in front of the laptop and book, very very reluctant to look at the words in the book, it's always this feeling after dinner. 'c'mon, just give yourself a bit more time to relax, afterall u're gonna work hard for the next few hours!' and yeah, then before i even realise, the supposingly 15 mins break will always turn out to be at least 1 hour or more. as i'm blogging away, my angel is fighting with devil trying to pull me back to revision. ha ha, but too bad, i hereby announce angel loses and devil has the say.... for another 20 mins at least.

so it has been the 2nd day of the CNY, only the 2nd day. and i have to go back to book already. hmm. boring. for exams is only 1 and a half day away, and the scary bit is that, i have a whole load of throats problems yet to read. This is the Senses rotation covering the specialities of Opthalmology, Dermatology and ENT. I guess after this exams, we're all gonna be people with great Sense... sorry if my lameness is boring you

Chinese always believe it's better not to touch any book during the CNY, simply because of the similiar pronunciation between book (Shu) and lose (also Shu) in mandarin. and since i'm touching so many books this cny, i shall sincerely hope that lady luck will still kindly smile on me and shower me with the greatest luck in this exam!

I better blog something about the CNY. We did nothing much here except a reunion dinner with the coursemates and a yeesang dinner in bf's place. I figure out the best way to keep the CNY mood going in this foreign land is to, stay at home! for you can create a virtual cny atmosphere yourself, by playing loud CNY songs in the house, decorating dinner table with loads of mandarin oranges and make sure the house is clean and shiny with lots of tibits in the common area. But once you step out of the flat, everything seems just like another normal day for everyone. Not many actually know it's cny season. blah!

you can actually tell how much i'm missing home already. Everyone in the family has gone down to JB to celeberate the new year in grandma's place. Cousins, uncles and aunties are all there, happily chitchating, gambling, eating and enjoying! the reason why i said that was because all my calls this morning were completely ignored. their place got to be so noisy that they don't even hear the handphone ringing and they are simply too occupied. i'm jealous!

forget it.

so, these were what we had for the reunion dinner.

Yee Sang as the appetizer,

in progress 1

in progress 2

The busy camwhoring people:

Jovina my new housemate and Vinton.

Host of the night. roundy round bf Michael and happy Vinton.

Tada!

still camwhoring.

Main course: Steamboat

errr, just ignore the facebook tag. i couldn't find this pic in my camera, had to printscreen from fb.

the South Clerk people.

this dinner supposed to happen in our place but, the stupid boiler decided to stop working right on the reunion night, three of us had to bring the whole dinner over to Michael's place and even our showering stuff! what an experience for reunion dinner! >_<

i think the theme for the night was to hold something and take picture. somehow in all pictures, eveyrone has to hold something in hands. =)

and Tong Yuen as dessert.

Happy Niu Year!

p/s: see, my assumption was correct. I started writing 30 mins ago and now i have yet to shower before revision can officially take place. why can't we have more than 24 hours a day?? i better ciao first.

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

2009-01-26T12:44:00.010Z

Hello everyone,

may you have a PROSPEROUS and OXSPICIOUS year ahead and

for those who are studying for exams, may all of us pass with good results,

and may everyone enjoy one whole year of good health and good life!

Happy Chinese New Year!!!

This is the 4th year of CNY spent overseas and over the phone. How good it would be to have daddy mummy siblings and grandmas around to spend a cny together. They still sounded so warm over the phone as ever.

and the pearl came from grandma who said, 'don't worry, study hard for your exam. next time u come back in june, i shall cook all the food we have today to make sure you can eat your share!' awwww... i want to go home! isn't having an elderly at home such a bless?

For those who are going home soon for cny, i'm very envious and may you all have a wonderful time back home. I sooo want to go home too!

and how can a cny has no cny songs to go along with, there is this astro one titled 庆祝 (Qing Zhu means celebration) which i think by far the best! enjoy.

来庆祝来祝福所有思念来倾诉

一年又一年不管多忙碌

家中有等你回家的父母就是最大的财富

Gong Xi Gong Xi!

The Meaning of Exam and Essays

2009-01-21T22:01:00.004Z

is when sitting in front of computer after meal doesn't mean you can switch on tvb series without any guilt...

is when the book is laying in front of you, doesn't mean you are reading it and the next thing you realise you're immersed in is either msn or facebook.

is when every minute pass so quickly when you're away from book but times seems like ages dragging on when you start reading even the first paragraph of the textbooks.

is when you don't feel like reading books, doesn't mean your conscience let you do anything else. In the end, you're likely to end up sitting at one place daydreaming or blankly staring at the computer screen.

is when nothing else can cheer you up anymore. For whatever thing you do except study, it feels like something in the background is haunting you and ringing in the head saying, shouldn't you be studying?

is when you so want to get things over like the essay writing, but to get it started is harder than anything else.

is when midnight strikes again, and you're all tired and exhausted, you feel terribly bad going to bed without doing anything productive for the day and yet you're one day closer to exams and essay deadline.

If you listen to the rhythm of the pouring rain...

2009-01-18T01:02:00.006Z

Hello everybody! revision is boring as usual lar. but if you're too bored from revision like me and been wandering around looking for inspiration or, too sick from the usual songs list in the comp, here's a good one to try for.

LeeHom being the eye candy is again difficult to resist! and for some unknown reasons, this song reminds me very much of Jason Mraz's Wordplay.

anyway, hope this song cheers u up a little too from the revision piles. =)

oh oh, and i might as well include another song of his that i like a lot but im sure its not something that everybody will like. very cheeky lyrics and very odd combo of instruments. hah! but isn't that very the leehom? i shall leave it for you to judge.

he's still as hot as before. **drool...** =)

you make my day :)

2009-01-11T19:37:00.011Z

updates: fever has come down quite abit, as i'm typing this away, coughing is getting worse that makes me no difference from a TB patient...

quotes of the day coming from the very lovely bf,

'how come i felt like i'd been cooking for the whole day??'

... from someone who hardly cook yet has been trying to make porridge, steam fish, boil barley water and make pulut hitam all in a day time!

'sometimes i do hope that i'm the sick one, at least can sit back and do nothing.'

'see, i try so hard to feed you well, how come you still never get well?'

Sick, Again

2009-01-10T20:38:00.004Z

So, I'm sick again, after 1 week of good health recovering from the post-ski flu. This time, it's even worse, high fever, extremely sore throat that voice is currently non-existent, sore muscle everywhere and lightheaded. been staying in bed for the whole day today. the only few things i could remember doing was waking up occasionally running to the loo, take panadol and drink water. Fever is terrible.

The day has been terribly unproductive as expected. gutted. especially when there are opthamology, dermatology, and ENT to read at the same time ssc report to produce. This rotation has been claimed the easiest of 4th year by far, but i'm not finding it stress free at all, especially it's right after holiday and my brain is at a near blank state. I want to work, so want to study and do all the stuff i need to, but please my dear body, don't let me down k?

Now things are slightly better, after sleeping for more than 18 hours today. Bf is so heart warming. I remembered mumbling in bed this afternoon saying I felt like drinking barley water to cool the temperature down. and to my very much surprise, I woke up to a big bowl of barley right in front of me. awww... thanks baby! and the part that make me laugh a little despite the high fever was that, apparently he didn't know barley water is not quite the same to red bean soup of which you can actually eat lots of red beans with the soup. The barley water was filled with beans and there wasn't much water to it. ha, that's very typical of the bf. =)

i'm going back to bed again, panadol is working well for now. i can at least stay awake for a little before the high temperature kick in again. this weekend is pretty much wasted again. grrr! very unwanted. seems like for the next 2 weeks, it's gonna be hard core revision to compensate for the loss. till then guys. have a lovely time revising. =)

Electives

2009-01-07T00:51:00.011Z

2009 is gonna be a very bankrupt year, i figured. Elective in Sept/Oct is going to cost a bomb. For some reasons i'm not particualrly looking forward to it anymore, because of this major compulsory project of the year, I'm cancelling most of my travelling plan this year just to save up enough for it. That's the price to pay for trying to live independently financially from parents. On one hand, it's a bit of struggle yet on the other, it's just going to be another growing up process I guess. So no more Paris, no more Egypt, no more Ireland and no more Turkey. =(

I've submitted an application to the UM medical center and hopefully it's a yes from them. Whereas for the remaining month, I'm still contemplating between India and Australia. India has always been my top choice. But Dad was very reluctant to nod head after the various recent bombing incidents in the northeast india. I'm still going to send in application forms as planned.

Dad suggested Australia as a safety net choice. Hmm, I'd never really fancy going to that world most poisonous island for my elective and plus, the application fees and living expenses are quite high if i were to go to major cities.

St. Vincents Hospital remains the only hope now since it's Melbourne yet cheap and affordable. It's kind of strange that their elective co-ordinator is working on a part time basis and because of that, despite many attempts trying to catch him in the office by calling them up, he was never in the office. A lady mentioned he's coming back next week, so i'm going to try again, hopefully it's never too late to apply yet. If it's a yes from aus, i guess i'm just going to give up india, no point making Dad stressed for me for a month when i'm in India. Atm, I'm just praying that this attachment thing can be finalised as soon as possible and I can quickly settle down with a secure place in mind and start booking flight ticket.

Right, boring thing aside. To make the previous post slightly complete, this is going to be a quick summary of 2008. Physically, i grow rounder but not taller. Emotionally, it was a long and complicated roller-coaster ride, but thankfully things finally ended on a pretty pleasant note. There wasn't much memories from the first half of 2008, but second half was urmm... can i say colorful? Well, kind of good. Details in the next post, hopefully. I think I'm stopping here before it's night time again and I've to come up with a non-productive day.

Happy New Year people !

Hello 2009!

2009-01-06T15:56:00.015Z

hi everyone and happy new year! So another year has passed. and Hurray! I survived Christmas holidays here, for the first time without actually going home. Luckily, it wasn't that awful afterall; on the other hand, I still missed the boxing day and the opportunities seeing shoppers go crazy in town. Only till next year. But christmas in Tignes was awesome! Somehow the western new year never mean much to me as would the chinese new year, and as much as i remembered, my new year eve was spent in a totally unglam way, coughing my lungs out and blowing my nose all the way from last year to this year. Post-ski flu!

Hmmm... So, this year CNY I'm not going home again, despite this very much looking forward 'cny-coincide hols' in year 4 since year 1. Veyr much because of the money saving scheme, for........

SIS IS COMING IN MARCH TO VISIT!!!

Finally someone from home is coming to pay me a visit!

and to make sure i play a good host, there are a few plans lying in my head already, umm... probably a roadtrip to highlands, could do a visit to london (guess what, the last time I went london was 2 years ago! i'm praying hard i don't have to get my way lost!), and might be eating out in a few dining places in the Burgh that I liked alot, and also i musn't forget to make her do my housechores and do tesco groceries for me. Sis, if you're reading this, you'll know what to expect from here.

Hello Christmas!

2008-12-17T13:28:00.007Z

'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'. I started my morning with this quote as I couldn't agree less. I guess it just can't help when guys always intepret things with the utmost logics and rationality whereas gals tend to go for the sentimental side, thinking about emotions and deriving conclusions based on instincts or feelings. We are indeed different, and there are plenty of things ahead for us to learn. Like you always say, logics can hardly explain two fields in life - love and morales. Perhaps that's the reason why there isn't always a fix answer to disagreements in a relationship.

Right, rants aside, there is always something worth looking forward to, Christmas holiday is coming! it is going to be my first time spending christmas here instead of going back home. Last few years, this time, I would be busily packing luggage, buying christmas presents to bring home, tidying up rooms and clearing up food in fridge before I come back again the next year. Unlike now, sitting comfortably in my messy room, reading through notes, happily shaking legs thinking what's good for dinner. There's a big pile of clothes behind me waiting to be folded into the wardrobe but it's alright, I can still take my own sweet time, as long as it is done before Friday when my two good frens are coming up. It won't be very nice to want them to live in the mess with me. So, times by myself without rushing to catch a plane is indeed carefree.

Christmas holidays is very much what i'm needing at the moment. Life has been pretty mundane and routine since the SSC module started. Trapped in a lab every afternoon, the only memories i had about afternoons for the past 2 months wasn't about the early sunset, wasn't about walking on high street window shopping, wasn't about playing squash in the gym, wasn't about yakking on webcam with mum, nor was it about spending some quality time with myself doing things I like. It was only and only about working on the same protocol in the lab, repeating the exactly same procedures on different blood samples. Going into the lab is always the time of the day when i last see the sun, for the next time I come out, it will be pitch dark already and street lights are up and people are rushing off work catching a bus in the cold dark air. Oh well, a pretty new experience I guess.

There was one point I recalled, when I stood in front of my lab bench and someone asked me what day was it. I couldn't answer at all despite trying very hard. It was indeed hard to differentiate how was yesterday different from today and how many days had past since the last weekend when I was doing the same thing everyday. That was the most depressing moment about SSC. But I am fine now. It has just become part of my daily life although deep down im still glad I didn't choose to become a scientist from the beginning. Human contacts mean so much to me. I'm still liking this quote from Nietzche alot, 'that which does not kill us makes us stronger.' So, the stronger person is now going into lab again for another day.

Merry Xmas eveyrone! =)

p.s: that was me in the full ski attire.

the feel to blog is slowly coming back, despite i'd been abandoning it for quite a while already. hopefully tonight there will be time for another entry! =) life for the past 2 months need some proper recording!

1621 days ...

2008-11-09T00:36:00.005Z

02/06/04

08/11/08

4 years, 5 months, 7 days.

=)

2008-11-03T17:30:00.001Z

Contemplation

2008-10-21T00:44:00.006+01:00

I might looked tough on the surface yet ironically, I'm actually an ostrich person deep down.

Whenever there are serious things, I'm always the kind of person that hides her head under the sand and quietly pray that things will get solved by itself. Not a very good attitude i know.

I always look up to people who can face issues bravely, take things in stride, walk through storm with all the true feelings and steadily claim victory or declare failure at the end. I'm seldom someone like that. I'm too much a coward.

Do no harm, something we were told since young. How do one find their courage when they know what they are going to do will bring harm to others?

Growing up seems never easy, often with no pain, there won't be gain. Right and wrong, good and bad seems like two different things. Something might seems like a bad thing to do, but it could be the right thing to do. I'm kind of confused actually.

On one hand, I hate myself being this ostrich, being someone so selfish and unconsiderate. On the other hand, where do I find the courage?

On a short note

2008-10-20T03:32:00.004+01:00

2 weeks holidays has officially ended. tomorrow will be time to get fully geared up again and prepare for another 14 weeks of battle. okay la, not exactly battle, but definitely something to be serious with. i haven't been really serious with studies for quite some times already.

~~~

最近都在听郑中基的一首歌，叫做“别爱我”。很老很老的一首歌，不过我却是在最近才发现的。感觉很像发现新大陆。

老人家说的话原来都挺有道理的，很多东西可能大家都知道也都听得厌了，不过始终没有亲生经历还是很难会去相信。好人在这世上也许会有很多，但是好人却不一定会是对的人。

世上的东西往往很矛盾。比如说，你可能会很想很想吃一样东西，结果你就花了大半心思想把它弄出来，结果花了大批心思，买材料啊，准备啊等等。结果弄好了，却又突然不想吃了。原来追求的不是那份结果，而是其中的过程。

最近迷上了三毛的作品，在这里还能看到中文书，实在是难得难得。可能有些人会觉得三毛是个男人，其实不是。她是个台湾人，后来嫁给了个西班牙人，选择到了撒哈拉沙漠去生活。她的书大部分都是以沙漠中的生活为背景，写成的一部部游历。虽然整个两个星期的假期我什么地方都没去，不过精神上，却是到了沙漠里走了一回。原来我还是喜欢看书，我还以为我大了就再也不喜欢书本里面的世界了。大概是因为天天都得看课本，看多了自然也反感了。书中自有黄金屋是对的。

成绩出了，考得不好。不是想象中的。其实也不能怪得了谁，就是一个懒字和没有尽心尽力。不过还好，因为整个过程我是很享受的。

假期的最后，病了。大概是太多东西最近在脑里面钻造成的。不说了，该睡了。明天还要早起。

原来说对不起不难，真正的对不起是不能用语言来表达的。

Am I actually depressed?

2008-10-14T00:06:00.002+01:00

speechless...

tired...

worthless...

I shouldn't be feeling this way during a holiday isn't it

Back to Basics

2008-10-04T04:22:00.014+01:00

Exam's officially over and it's 1/3 through 4th year already. so fast.

3 weeks of GP in Borders, 3 weeks of Western Neuro and 6 weeks Psych...

and it's all over now, on one hand im glad, on the other, i wish these times could be longer.

Holidays has now officially begun. and it's a 2 weeks break.

after much contemplation, for the sake of money saving and the ski trip in Dec, I will just stay in the Burgh.

Plan for now would be to spend some time with myself, do things that i'd always wanted to but couldn't find a time, flip through my national geographics, wake up at my own time, and spending some times with family which I havent been speaking to properly over the past few weeks, and that two babies look so big already over the webcam! i felt i'd hardly spend time with them when they're at this growing age. missing them...

during these three months ever since the summer, my mood had been fairly pleasant and less depressed like previous, which is a good thing. not entirely sure if it is bcoz of the sun endorphenic effect or the days are actually spent in a better way.

Sometimes i wonder if i have problems in social interaction, when one should be feeling happy for exams are over, im actually a bit down in mood today with reasons remain unknown. perhaps its bcoz of the sudden lost in direction. it could have also come from the subconscious mind when you know you're slowly losing something. the worst part about it, is when you're not even sure if you should own it in the first place. for things like this, , I guess even though the lost could be sensed, it's just not easy to voice it out, for it wasn't even properly acknowledged at the first place.

i should be contented. and not bothering too much about things i shouldn't be. afterall its just back to the basics.

p/s: Mary Poppins tonight was good. I wish i have a magician nanny like her with me now.

some nice lil quotes to share:

2008-09-16T19:22:00.003+01:00

Enthusiasm
Age may wrinkle the face,but lack of enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.

Wisdom
What you do not want done to yourself do not do to others

Love
Selfish persons are incapable of loving others,but they are not capable of loving themselves either

Health
Those who think they have no time for bodily exercise will sooner or later have to find time for illness

Mind
It is not enough to have a good mind. One must use it well.

Work
Work banishes those three evils; boredom, vice and poverty.

Achievement
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.

Life
Women hope men will change after marriage but they don't;Men hope women won't change but they do.

Character
A man's character is determind by how hard he fights for what he believes in.

People
He liked to like people,therefore people liked him.

Thoughts
thoughts lead on to purposes;
Purposes go forth in action;
Actions form habits;
Habits decide character;
and character fixes our destiny.

享受年轻

2008-09-10T22:55:00.009+01:00

医院是个很特别的地方，就好像一个人生的休息站。不管什么样的人，在人生的过程当中都会生病，都要进来“工厂”里修一修，修好了又再回到原来的生活轨道，继续原来的生活。所以在医院里什么样的人都有机会碰到，什么样的人生阶段都有机会看见。

看见七十岁的老太太拿着拐杖走进来，我就会想，我老了会是怎么样的呢？有一天我是不是也会像这些老先生老太太一样？年轻真的很好，身体又好，头脑又清醒，想做什么就能做什么。很多我们平时生活中觉得简单到不行根本不是问题的事情，换成了一个身体有残缺的，又或是一个老人，对他们来说，可能就要费尽心思才能完成。年轻就是这样好，都不会察觉其实人都会老，天天有一大堆精力去冲去闯，去做想要做的事。

医院的隔壁有间学校，天天我放了学后就会看见一大群十五六岁的学生背着书包走在路上。看着他们有说有笑的走在一起，原来很多东西都在不知不觉中慢慢的改变了，我不再是上着学校的学生了，我不再是像他们那个年纪一般无忧无虑了，而我也好像不再像从前一样那么容易笑得开心了。我是不是长大了呢？是不是算是个大人了呢？是不是有一天爸爸妈妈都会离开，而由我一个人去面对生活？外国的小孩十八九岁就不再和爸爸妈妈一起住了，出外一起吃饭都是各自结账的了，爸爸妈妈也把他们当成是家里的大人来看待，很少会再诸多叮咛了。

在医院里就经常有机会把人生的过程看一遍。看看人是怎么来到这个世界，怎么样被家人宠着疼着长大，怎么样为年轻工作打拼，怎样教育子女，然后计划怎么退休，看孙子长大，接着怎么步入老年，身体有毛病...等等。佛陀说，每一人都会有生老病死。我天天都在看着这样的人生过程，时不时就会想象我将来在人生那个阶段会是怎么样。

人的一生其实很短暂。五六十年好像很长，其实也不过很短而已。

年轻就只有这么一次，我很希望，我的人生会是一个多姿多彩有价值的人生。

Self-declared holiday, grant myself a chance to laze abit

2008-09-08T11:05:00.011+01:00

Monday morning it is. Instead of being in the medium security Psychiatry unit, I'm sitting in front of my lappie, thinking of what I should get for lunch (for the fridge in flat had broke down hence gone all the food supplies), and have decided to declare myself a morning oFF! =)

Is it just me? I have this feelings that time seems to fly by TOO quickly as each week just come and go thaat fast, i wish I could grab it tighter and not let it slip pass that easily. but anyway, forget about that emo. im so hungry right now!!! can't continue to root here, gonna die of starvation very soon.

blog only later la, was gonna write about last week prison and scotland high security psychiatry hospital visit. but later la, probably tonight. really need to find some food.

oh oh!! so nice of JPA! Just now I was thinking about calling them later to find out whereabouts is my cheque which should really come in 2 weeks ago. then, just 1 min ago, they phoned and said they are gonna send it by today. hehe. it feels good isn't it, when things you have in head just come true by themselves before you need to say them out or to take any actions. =)

anyway, have a nice week ahead shiying!

some pics from last weekend Jennifer's 21st party, hello young lady!

Welcome to the aDuLt world!

pretty isnt she? although it was a pre-celebration, it was good fun and good ambience. Jenn, if you're reading this, may many many happy returns. =) xxx.

alright, tell me im not round. thats the thing having to stand next to someone who's so skinny and slim. i really need some serious exercise now.

new haircut

new motto: LES well = (live, eat, sleep) well.

Grrrrrrr!!!

2008-09-02T00:06:00.003+01:00

Yahoomail used to be part of my daily routine. Everyday I come home from hospital, this is the first website I check once the laptop is on.

Yet, 2 weeks ago, it decided to go mad. First, I could log in, but strangely I couldn't access the emails. and this is what they said 2 weeks ago,

"There was a problem accessing your account. Please try again in a moment. code 2"

So I decided to give it a wait, since they said it was just for a moment.

1 day, 2 days, 3 days, 4 days, day comes day goes, today is already the 14th day! It's still the same problem. I'd emailed yahoo support with the hope that they will probably fix this problem. Yet, the replies I got were nothing other than some auto-response emails. frustrated or not you say! like hello! how can the account just goes mad on its own and for god's sake, there're so many important emails locked inside and it is my only email address for almost all official matters.

Grrrr!!!!

Apparently search from the google yielded numerous similiar complaints and yahoo seems to never respond to them. Problem of this sort seems to happen randomly, more n more ppl are having troubles from it. Many people eventually decided to leave them for good, which is what i'm doing now, get a new email account from Gmail, forget about yahoo.

So morale of the story, if you have a yahoo mail account, it is probably sensible to set up a forwarding option to another mail account you can probably trust, so that if one day this misfortune befall upon you, there's still a backup and you won't be losing all the important mails at one go.

so, no more central_sy@yahoo.com, all future mails should go to shiying.hey@gmail.com.

(wuhuhu... my central_sy, i wan it back...)

Oh Mamma Mia!

2008-09-01T00:08:00.003+01:00

Good film, very sceneric settings, it's the motherly-daughterly kind of heart warming show, set in the backdrop of colourful costumes and jolly jolly musics in the beautiful summer days, I likey!

if i knew it was this good, would have drag myself out to the cinema and watch it since it first came out. but nvm... still managed to catch it before it was off. Okla, i know im so outdated.

it's Sunday today, Monday tomorrow. gonna start off in Royal Ed for another round of psychiatry. hopefully it will be as good as the previous 2 weeks. Hello new week!

La Clique

2008-08-31T03:30:00.023+01:00

wOW!

that was sooooo good!

maybe bcoz i'd never been to performances of this kind, hence got impressed pretty easily. but still for this one I would say top class! no wonder all tickets were almost sold out right at the start of the Edinburgh Festival, they truly deserve the credits.

we weren't that efficient at all to obtain ourselves tickets to grant us the access to their supposingly the best and the last show in the festival. tickets on this night were sold out wayy earlier. haha. fortunately, michael's fren who had two tickets bought, couldn't make it on the very last minute, hence had to give them up.

la clique has a famous reputation. everybody is talking about it.

we hesitated no more and quickly grabbed the tickets from this guy and off we went, to the Spiegeltent at 11pm to watch the show. sounds scary isn't it. show that don't start till midnight, duno wat kind of adult contents they gonna put in later.

the show was running late for 30 mins and crowds was getting abit impatient already.

michael was showing face like this. yeah, we were worried it might turned out to be another Jim Rose Circus, which was a truly traumatizing event, paid money in to suffer only.

finally got in after 1 hour of queueing and waiting outside the tent. surprisngly they don't have seats for eveyrone. only a few rows of chairs prepared. many people had to stand at the back and watched.

and even more surprising, the show that captured so many attention around the world, happens only on a stage as small as this. hard to imagine.

we were very very lucky to got ourselves two seats right in front of the stage. apparently they put a reserved signs there, but we thought, dun care la. since nobody wanted to sit, standing at the back sure cannot see at all since all the angmohs are so tall, so we acted blur and plonk ourselves into the chairs. see that old man next to me, he was the sponsor of the show. not sure from which company.

right after we settled down, a crew came to us and said those were seats for VIPs and we weren't suppose to take. but if those vips do turn up, we gotta let them sit. haha, guess what, we were really lucky to not see them showed up at all. so, those good seats were ours!

la clique is a good cocktail of circus skill, comedy, musics and carbaret. too bad no photos was allowed during the show, hence lack of exhilarating pics from the post. im just gonna google some pics for what I'd seen tonight and put them up here.

the show started with two guys performing acrobatics. those were basically olympics gymnasts' stunts, but done in a much more entertaining way. that was a good start! the crowd was cheering like mad already.

then came the La Clique signature performance. The Bathboy, a bathtub acrobat. His stunts were truly breathtaking and too beautiful for a guy to do. reminds me of a mermaid comes in a man package. since we were sitting at the front row and the stage was just not too far from us, we were given plastic towel to shield from the water spilt around. double thumbs, triple thumbs up for him! chunnest!

The Rubber Man or the Captain Frodo. Apparently he is a famous figure on tv programme since ages ago. His Ehlers-Danlos syndrome from a genetic condition allows the hypermobililty on his joints, hence the possibilities of doing all these dislocating and twisting joints stunts. in tonight's performances, he was trying to squeeze himself through two tennis rackets.

well, can see why they put it on a late night show. there were a few half naked performances like these. overall, there was nothing offensive. it was much much better than that scary Jim Rose which did it in such a dodgy way.

Those are what I can find atm from google pics. The rest were good too but I guess the reason why they don't have as many photos was bcoz of the varieties of programme la clique has, not in eveyr show they had the similiar performances, except for these few famous ones.

It was afterall a good show, we thought.

Edinburgh Festival - the world largest art festival, of this year has officially ended today. Glad that I'd watched a few good ones I really enjoyed. Not a bad thing afterall to come back early for uni and to experience summer in Edinburgh for the first time. Hopefully after tomorrow, the Burgh will become a quiet city again. For this one month, our streets were quite crowded with tourists. It's good to have the not-so-busy Princes St again. =)

a Red-Indian band performing on Princes Street

So, byebye Summer and Hello Autumn!

Here comes the weekend Again!

2008-08-29T10:12:00.014+01:00

.... my Friday came yesterday.

at least i would like to think so.

first, it came the end of old age psychiatry in the Royal Vict. 2 weeks of attachment, excellent excellent tutor, well he's not even my tutor, my actual tutor didn't really care at all, he's just a 'part time' psychiatrist there. im grateful, indeed. the intially seemingly daunting psycho topics aren't that scary anymore... afterall quoting him, for all the psychiatric symptoms none of them are not present in normal people, psycho patients are merely having the more extreme versions of the common traits, n these are just out with the norm range our society can accept. those words are wise enough to get me off worrying about myself is actually a psycho person. ...im being nerdy. but it was overall very enjoyable. not to mention my silly partner n his silly jokes. i guess if it weren't bcoz of him, 2 weeks in the old age hosp would be drop dead boring.

then it was yesterday again, went for an orchestra.... my first formal orchestra!
if i knew performing in an orchestra is such a coool thing, i would have learned piano properly since the very beginning! too bad, too late now. the girl who played the piano in the orchestra was sooooo chun! not only pretty in face, but her charm.. gosh! if i were guy, she will be my top choice. this world is just filled with so many perfect people.... talented, humble, good looking, charismatic. overall, it was an enjoyable evening. although being a music noob like myself, i won't say i know how to appreciate the actual essence they were playing, but the 3 pieces they played were simply too good to have even a noob's mind completely blown away. good relax, good times, good reward for myself after 2 wks of hardcore psychiatry.

sorry, photos are abit blurry, for the signs said no photography allowed. we have to do it discreetly. lookie at the last photo, that old lady's expression and me. haha, Classic eh!

then later, it was visiting a friend's flat.

Alex preparing thai curry for midnight supper.

there's this website we were talking, http://www.videojug.com/tag/food-and-drink. go n have a look if your ideas on what to cook for dinner tonight is running out. the thai curry we had from the recipe there, was a big yummy yum.

Clem

...my new flatmate. recognise that big grin! it's always plastered on his face.

moi in a taekwando head shield.

recently it occurs to me that the days I have, to spend here isn't that long anymore. by the end of next month, it's gonna be 1/3 of the 4th yr completed. how quick! another 1 and a half yr more, I probably won't have the chance to come back here anymore to live. seeing how many friends of my age are already going home and starting a new life all over, my time will come pretty soon too. when times are in abundant, we tend to take things slowly and thought we have the 'next time' to do it. It striked me recently that, there seems not so many 'next time' left anymore, whilst I still have so many things I want to do before I leave here for good.

4th year has a good start. I'm glad for the decision of having a change in environment. Clinicals and hospitals seems more enjoyable now. People are nicer, things are easier to learn. I'm glad I pulled through the whole 3rd year of depressing clinical pictures. for the first time, choosing medicine as a career doesn't seem like a bad choice.

新歌推荐

2008-08-25T23:20:00.006+01:00

夏日炎阳我心却是失落迷惘
信息传来让我别再沉醉彷徨
心中灰暗我看不见窗外阳光
明天的明天你将要飞往远方

这个秋天该把往事尘封锁上
过去一切日子不再重复播放
不管如今将来是否还是一样
下个花季天空依旧为你绽放

Chorus:
*曾经是你給我力量
陪我孤单沮丧
如今你我依然坚强
一切我都放在心上

曾经是我给你希望
陪你长夜漫漫
如今你我已经长大
一切的你不曾遗忘*

陌生城市日子是否依旧无恙
少了叮咛还得好好照顾自己
别担心_ _ _ _ _ _ _ 温暖
一定把这里的阳光和你分享

Chorus

如果没有你　現在我会在哪里
是你成全了我不然我不会是我

祈祷你以后　祝福你一切
如今的你永远在我心里

~~~~~

歌词怎么样？

一个朋友要送另外一个和他纠缠不清有一阵子了的女生出国读书，想写首歌给她。
结果竟然变成了我和他一起写。
还好我不是男生，不然我应该很会骗女生。

对了，有件事帮个忙。
上面有句有很多空格的，帮帮忙想想要怎么填充。我们都江郎才尽了...
那个女生还有48小时就飞了，我无所谓，不过那个男的，简直都不要睡，要把整首歌弄出来。

现代人的爱情啊... 哈哈！
开心就好。

Everybody loves Friday...

2008-08-23T00:16:00.019+01:00

went for the weekly squash this evening.

it's always good to know at the end of the week, there's something to do and to look forward to, also the companies. i love friday!

other than squash, did some rock climbing today too in the gym. quite fun! the last time I remembered climbing, dated back to college times, when our class went camping in some jungle and the coordinators made us climbed tree that sat at the edge of the cliff and did some abseiling from there. thought it was quite fun that time, but never really got a chance to do it again.

and today in gym playing squash, we spotted a rock climbing signboard. impulsively, we went up to the office and booked ourselves a tester session on the spot. turned out to be pretty fun and the guys are inarguably good, whereas we girls were a lil afraid. but supposed it was all good fun for everyone in the end!

i enjoyed it.

while on the rock, it happened when it seemed impossible to go up anymore and the thoughts of giving up just kept coming... given the encouraging instructor and the awkwardness of being stuck in the middle where you kinda had no choice but to keep going up, in the end when the top stone is reached, it was all satisfying. . mmm.. this thing has a lot to do with keep pushing own self and challenging the limit.

anyway... weekend begins! yeai yey!

definition of weekend: going to bed without the need to set alarm for tomorrow. time for good rest.

New found love

2008-08-20T23:48:00.033+01:00

Hah!

This is getting abit outrageous.

Ever since the Civic that serves the Hey's family for the past 10 years, these few years I'd sort of given up on affordable cars designs, sleek sports cars or all time favourite classic sedans excluded; as they're usually either too family, or too bulky.

but... you never know whats around the corner!

I think this is gonna be my new love.

isn't it pretty?!!!

Today when I was walking towards the bus stop in the heavy rain (jeez, scots weather in the summer!) to catch a bus home, this car sitting in the hospital car park caught my eyes.

It's exciting to see Civic has finally evolved to create a market for youngsters and this is what they come out with. Civic SE Plus!.... quite an old model here already actually. I'm an absolute technology noob when it comes to cars, their power & tech, but this model still fascinates me alot simply from its outlook. gal's way of choosing car. hehe.

too bad there's no way i can afford it now. hopefully this model will still be in the market when I start working and that's IF, i get to work here... and later, bring it back home.

mmmmm... thinking abit too far eh. another thing to add on to my wishlist, and motivation source to work for a better grade to perhaps, secure a one-year job here

Psychiatry Day 2: Brits sense of humour

2008-08-19T23:35:00.014+01:00

today, a schizophrenic patient throw us a question,
after he turned us down saying he wouldn't wish to see any medical students...

before my partner Matt and I were about to leave him alone,

Mr X: " what is the fastest drink on the table?"

Me: "Huh??" (what question is he asking?)

Matt: (equally clueless) "errr... sorry Mr X, we don't know."

then, 10 seconds of silence....

Mr X: "Milk"

Matt and I:

Mr X: " because it's pasteurised."

immediately Matt burst into laughter.

Me: "erm.. why?"

Matt: "pasteurised before you see it."

"pasteurised = pass ur eyes."

Ohh! okkkk!
hahahaha.
that's damn sweat okay.

it's still amazing to see a schizo patient able to amuse two medical students with his random joke.

to round it up,

Matt: " well, Mr X, we'll come back again tomorrow for your joke."

天蝎族 - 族人篇

2008-08-18T22:43:00.006+01:00

有很多人说他们并不相信星座，世界上不可能只有十二种人。其实我也不是很信，但是有时候我就觉得星座写出来的东西，就能很具体的把我一直放在脑里面的东西写出来，甚至能很完整的形容这个阶段的我。

因为有很多时候，我都觉得我是个很怪的人。但是又不觉得这样的思想能有很多人理解，所以很多时候我会用一个大家能接受的方式来表达自己。不要紧，如果你觉得星座是无稽之谈，那你就别再往下读了。

这篇文章基本上是我自己很认同的。放在这里的原因是为了方便如果将来我想看回现在的自己，这篇就会是依据。不过我也相信除非你真的很无聊到没事做，再不然你大概不会对下面那篇那么长的文章感兴趣。

雅福寄来得这个email, 哈哈。我想就只有我们这两个怪人才会一边看一边high到不行。原来我的怪异还是能够用文字表达的。

天蝎，生于秋深。性喜静，意清幽。爱之切，怨亦深。本质轻名利，但拥有成名得利的天赋。
　　偏重灵与肉的完美结合。直觉力之准之锐，行动力之潇洒之特,常令徒有虚表之人忌愤不已。天蝎，一个别具一格的星座。格调分明有别常人，心胸高妙不露于表。常容人难容之事，亦笑人可笑之处。
　　对于朋友，重质不重量，高度要求知心。宁可孤独，也不违心。对于爱情，宁缺毋滥。宁可抱憾终生，也不苟且凑合。风流不羁的言行下，执着追求一种宗教意识的爱情信仰。内心具有高度责任性，忠诚性，自律性以及矛盾性。浪漫儒雅，风趣超脱。拥有奇异诱人的容貌气质。
　　
天蝎大多恩怨分明，黑白绝不混肴。犹如包公，宁可得罪众官，也要奖惩公道。多思少言的特质，齐全透彻的智慧，使一切真相假面恐慌不已。因此，本质静默孤僻的天蝎们极易招惹他人的非难和灌上莫须有的罪名。而其强硬又柔弱的本质，常使其背负黑锅也不辩护，不低头。典型的“独当千古错，冷漠自逍遥”的天蝎风格。
只有在忍无可忍时，天蝎才会真正采取报复行为。可也因其很多时候过于忍辱负重，好比老实人发火，报复也就更显突兀强劲，反令圆滑的小人真正的祸首们恼羞成怒，借机大肆渲染。由于天蝎有隐忍为善的一面，更有别致的独特气质，从而也导致了天蝎倍受他人嫉妒却常被反咬一口的现象出现。也因为典型的天蝎,并不擅长疏通改善人际关系，更不善于有效地表达澄清自己，从而成为了十二星座里最具争议的一个星座。
　　
天蝎们拥有天赋般灵性的思维，结合现实的洞察，产生了异于常人的思索角度。爱情观，友情观，人生观，皆如此。由于意识超常，天蝎们总是：苦于红尘无知音，不如隐形爱孤独。天蝎的确就是这样极端：不是最另类的现代人，就是最另类的原始人。

　　其实，天蝎们一生都在寻求知心的朋友，同时他们也容忍对手的存在，但，并非制造敌人。要知道，天蝎本性不好战，但具备战斗的智慧和能量。请注意：这是关键。所以你可以成为天蝎的对手和朋友，但，不要把天蝎当敌人。因为，天蝎从不主动侵犯他人的利益。你也不要做些低层次的敌对事情，那只能显得你自己无聊挫败。比如：如果你煽动众人，想用流言蜚谣打击算计，甚至孤立天蝎，那么不久你就会发现天蝎依旧活得很洒脱，很独特。因为，他们本来没有把你当敌人，某种意义上，是你自己“自作多情”，以小人之心度君子之腹了。而这种俗不可耐的敌对伎俩，对于天蝎们来说，无疑是一堆可笑差劲的破招。
天蝎生性渴望理解,却不奢求理解，安于孤独，更能乐于孤独。天蝎的优势在于，对于别有用心的人，能够一眼看穿，并完全做到视若无睹。也许，当你自鸣得意时，天蝎想的正是不和这头牲口一般见识！看，天蝎就是这样的心态，清高地忍让，忧郁地承受，却，酷得干脆利落，宛如一位高超的剑手，不是不过招，只是你非对手。这种彻骨的冷静和孤高，也正是天蝎人虽不招惹别人，却还是招致阴险有毒的恶名的根本。而，也只有天蝎自己知道，真正恶毒的其实是你！但是，一切也都没有用，要知道，能够忍受孤独的人，也就是最无所畏惧的人了。这也就是天蝎为什么可以在铺天盖地的恶名谣传里，依旧活出自己风格的原因。

我本善良，我本真实，这样的句子，用在天蝎身上是最恰当不过了。每只天蝎似乎从出生那天起，就注定要为自己的独特而历经许多风波。对于人性，天蝎从来看得比所有人透彻。

　　可以说他们极端，但是，他们无法不真实地活出自己。也许，只有“曲高合寡”这四个字，才是孤独奇特的天蝎们最好的诠释。　　

天蝎。星象书上说，诞生在深秋的蝎子是最复杂的。同意这句话。因为蝎子可以根据需要在具体环境把自己塑造成适合的角色，是个善于戴着面具生活的人。但内心本我的强大力量又让他们在某个时刻不由自主地显现出其蝎子冷酷阴郁的一面。几乎没有任何一个蝎子座的人可以逃避这点。

　　情感强烈是蝎子座的人最普遍的特点。我至今没有发现感情因子欠乏的蝎子。他们有着异常炽热的感情，但大多藏得较深，平时看来是个比较和气的人，一般不爆发，爆发时绝对是喷涌而出的，有着强大的震慑力。

　　能促使蝎子爆发深藏的感情的事情其实并不多。我总结了三种情况。

　　一是欺骗，这种欺骗也许不是很大，也许发生在很好的朋友甚至亲友之间，也许只是一桩小事，但蝎子看来，重要的不是欺骗造成了什么损失，而是欺骗这种行为本身，他认为这是强烈的不信任感，是对他的不尊重。一个小小的欺骗在蝎子的心中会激荡起巨大的不快，天性阴冷的蝎子习惯将它放大来看，也可以说这种与他们处事风格准则背道而弛的行为是他们轻蔑并排斥的。用欺骗伤害蝎子产生的裂痕一般是不容易消除的。当事人在蝎子心中的地位可以说马上会大幅下降。经观察，没有哪个星座的人象蝎子这样如此深地看重信任和尊重这两个词，他们一般对此都很敏感。敏感得容下不在他许可的小小范围内出现一粒沙。越是亲密关系间的欺骗对蝎子的伤害就越大。因为他们对朋友往往交出真心，而这种付出偿来的若是欺骗和背叛的话，蝎子的心会冷到极点。

　　二是侮辱。敏感的蝎子其实并不那么开得起玩笑，当然他们能敏锐地分辨出你话里的真实含义，善意的玩笑他们还是不会拒绝的。但带刺的话他们绝对能马上听出，他能感受到你语气中的真实的感情成分。很自我的蝎子绝对不容忍别人侮辱他贬低他。也许一件事情让他糟糕，让他吃亏很大，但如果需要的话他能压抑住自己的情绪，装作若无其事。惟独侮辱不可以，你可以感受到蝎子那一刻表情越发阴冷，牙关紧闭。那是他在积蕴力量，你能感受得到他强压怒火的眼神，开始起伏的胸膛，只需要一个小小突破口，巨大的能量就要喷薄而出。这个时候，了解他们的人还是赶紧收口吧，否则谁都不知道会发生什么可怕的事情。我自己就经历过多次这样的情景，从来都是是猛烈的瞬间爆发，不明白的人奇怪怎么突然发这么大脾气，其实真实情况是，他忍着气已经很久很久了，只是你硬逼他爆发的。

　　三是为了他认为重要的人。蝎子是活得孤独的人，他们自己都会发现，自己和许多人是格格不入的，他满脸的笑容很多时候都不是发自内心的，只是为了场合的需要，真正谈得来并懂得他们的朋友一般很少很少。生命中他重视的人他一定会倾力保护，蝎子为了保护那个人时，显现出的感情是强大的。这个人最大的可能就是曾在蝎子需要时给过真正理解温暖关爱的人。哪怕是一点点。象会记恨一样，蝎子对那些对他真心好的人绝对是记在心上的，没有太多的表面的东西，关键的时候，真正肯为你牺牲的那个朋友，肯定是他。对他最爱的那个人而言，蝎子有可能的话甚至肯为她去死。如果他心中的那个她被别人伤害的话，蝎子会有剜心的痛，这个时候，他可能会暴露出最阴暗的一面，如果要把报复和蝎子联系起来的话，那么这种情况当属第一。蝎子这时候可能会在巨痛的驱使下，用最黑暗的力量为她去复仇去摧毁敌人。

在我看来，蝎子最最强烈感情表现出来的时候，应该就是他为了保护她的时候。水象之王的蝎子外表看来往往不那么强硬，甚至有点软弱，这是很多人对他们的印象，但了解他们的内心的人就会发现，他们是讨厌被指使的人。可以说，蝎子是吃软不吃硬的，平等对他的话，他便是个性子很好的人，要是想压制他，蝎子内心马上会排斥，并且潜意识里他们是很厌恶习惯对他们指手画脚的人的。他们心中多数是不服，但不会明显表现出来，也许暂时地顺着对方，背后则默默积累力量，也许干脆用冷漠直接表示拒绝和厌恶。蝎子确实是喜欢掌控别人的人，但不象火象的狮子那种气焰上统领一切的感觉，蝎子能用一种独特的暗藏的力量影响人，因为他有着洞穿别人内心的敏锐力和坚定沉静的气质。如果蝎子具备一些火象性格的话，则会是个让人感觉非常凌厉的人，冷静的外表下说起话做起事来霸气十足。蝎子如果学着性格张扬一点的话，会马上显现出强大的领导力。蝎子对自己的爱人也有着强烈的掌控欲，只有当那个他只对她一个人好的时候，她才感觉安心，她希望他能常陪在她身边，希望能经常依靠他，这就解释了为什么他和水象的鱼儿和巨蟹很和得来的原因。

蝎子比较喜欢不带表情的说话做事，可以说，蝎子很难学会用表情表达他们丰富的内心世界，他们是不善于利用表情的人。蝎子本质是不爱笑的，尤其不习惯在一大堆人之间肆无忌惮地笑，蝎子习惯浅浅地一笑，让他们在众人面前表情夸张地保持10秒钟我相信是件困难的事情。

　　他们确实常给人缺乏亲和力的印象，哪怕是他已经认识到了这点并试着去改变了，结果还是会发现，一不留神，他和人的距离感又莫名地产生了。可以说蝎子的笑保留着人类某种原始的东西，蝎子笑起来会带着丝羞涩，特别是在人多或异性面前。看起来非常孩子气，让人感觉纯真，显得乖巧。但蝎子多笑真的比较重要，蝎子笑起来纯朴真诚的样子可以很好地打消他们在别人心中不好的印象。

　　在蝎子的生命中总有一种向往孤独的特质。他们即使在受不了凄寂的同时，又渴望得到只有在孤独时才能享受到的自我极致发挥和无丝毫保留的面对现实。

　　所以，孤独的蝎子是矛盾的。孤独中他们的心灵像眼睛，诚实敏锐得揉不进一粒尘沙。　　所以，孤独的蝎子更能洞悉谎言与人心。他们只有在孑然一身的时候，才有机会登上精神的高峰，望得远，看得清，障碍尽除，思维如月光染雪，剔透通明，理智与感情皆回归到最纯净的状态，能清楚的照亮自己。

　　所以，孤独的蝎子睿智。

　　当你看到陌生人面前孤僻而冷淡的蝎子时，请你见谅，因为即兴发挥不是蝎子的强项，蝎子一向预热很慢，感情需要很大的安全感才能活泼的施展。

　　所以，当你想要了解那些外表形单影只，独来独往的蝎子时，请细心的感受他们内在活动的勃放如春。　　

　　天蝎座对性和爱的渴望，通常与它们能提供的转变有关。他们喜欢把性与爱称作自己所喜欢的名字：一次神秘的经历、一次深层次的体会。性与爱让天蝎座向比他们自己更强大的事物投降。天蝎座的伴侣有一种巨大的容忍力，他们为了爱情和忠贞可以牺牲一切。他们甚至可以做出巨大的自我牺牲。在他们身上有一点狂热，这会渗透到他们与别人建立的关系中，并且影响他们的精神和态度。

　　天蝎座是不会在浅的池塘里划水的。他们纵身跳入远远淹过他们的头的深度的汪洋。但是有时候可悲的是，在天蝎座所处的关系中释放出来的狂热，有时候会导致他们极端的猜疑，并且会让他们产生强烈的占有欲。假如天蝎座的人正陷入在爱情当中的时候，这种情况往往就会发生。假如他们没有真正谈恋爱的话，那么他们情感的大门就永远不会在你面前出现，你将面临真正的情感上的坚冰。

　　天蝎座的伴侣最大的问题，就是渴望对对方的控制。这种控制可以用一些十分不引人注意的方式表现出来。比如说他们表现得自尊心很强，即使已经做了某些真正愚蠢的事情的时候，也不会向你道歉。或是经常表现出一种不让你安静的怨恨，并且总要“惩罚”你(用沉默和一种凝重的可以用刀把它划开的凝滞气氛)而不告诉你到底做错了什么。他们或是找出一些微妙的方式来测验你，因为天蝎座实际上并不能真正相信你。你很少听到你的天蝎伴侣告诉你你的意义对他们有多重大。但是有一点你可以肯定的是，这种意义你听到得越少，就表明他们爱你的程度越深。

另一方面，天蝎座很少去尊敬那些不愿意去抵抗他们的人。天蝎座的伴侣必须要争取取得胜利，不要把胜利白白奉送给他们。不要吃惊，危机在天蝎座与自己伴侣的关系中是很平常的事情。

　　天蝎真正不寻常的地方，就是他们有着让人难以置信的能力去了解你。因为他们几乎没有遗漏任何东西，所以他们能飞快地了解许多关于你内心最深处的动机。假如你不喜欢在你们爱情中保持对他们的绝对诚实的话，那么你就应该考虑另一个星座了。但是假如爱情对你而言，意味着比终日悠闲地听着音乐之外更多的东西的话，那么天蝎座无疑是你明智的选择。因为他们有很多的东西可以提供给你，同天蝎座的人建立爱情，能够彻底改变你。

　　探索是天蝎座最喜欢的娱乐方式。一些天蝎座的人甚至会变成一个专业侦探,或是一个法医。
　　
　　对于天蝎座而言，占有如同呼吸一样自然。天蝎座的感情是非常强烈的。他们会花很长的时间学会去信任别人，但是那时他们可就不会那么轻易放手了。一些天蝎座的人当他们的心变得冷酷起来，是因为他们害怕自己受到羞辱,他们可能开始只允许肤浅的爱情进入到他们的生命当中来，但是这个时候，天蝎座的恋人通常是来去匆匆，会忽然消失的。

　　没有人会同天蝎座的人一起经历一次没有改变的爱情。不管这种关系是继续还是结束，你都应该有自知之明，从更深的层次去看待生活。不要只期待甜蜜和舒适。一些十分聪明的人已经明白生活其实原本是由黑暗和光明组成，只有傻子才会相信生活是由其他的方式组成的。而且记住，天蝎座的人，可一点都不蠢。

another Sunday

2008-08-17T15:28:00.006+01:00

weekend's coming to its end so quickly, again.

and last weekend just seems like yesterday.

is it just me? why I don't seems to remember much from last week and time seems to give no memory. perhaps it was all because nothing big happened and even if they did, they didn't mean much to me. my sleeping time is screwed up again. lectures week it was last week, and my attendance was pretty shit, 4 out of 9. lectures are just not my cup of tea anymore. eveyr morning alarm rang... well i guess it did, but surprisingly i dun rmb hearing it. it's got to be a reluctant feeling to accept the routine life back in the Burgh again.

psychiatry is starting next week. and very soon, at the end of it will be a mcq exam again. another cycle. as much as i don't want summer to end and the windy autumn to come, im trying all my best to live a new life, so that things will feel pretty alright before the winter comes. call me a paranoid, call me a nervous ass. im who im.

this weekend seems pretty down. perhaps it has much to do with the upside down sleeping time that makes me can't function properly in the daytime. first it was friday night.. consumed by the feeling of loneliness and abandoned.

but clem said, you don't have to feel you need to do something simply because it's a friday night. ummm. it was entertaining to see this housemate of mine can get pretty amused by a simple hole puncher, that u need to fold a line on the paper before you punch it with the correct alignment of the line and the arrow on the puncher. ok la, if u know wat i mean, i know im pretty vague. He said britain never have such thing he knew about and keep praising it was a smart invention. haha, what la u.

then it was yesterday. came a big fight between us, again. anohter event of thoughts disagreement. quarrels ain't fun and they can hurt so badly. you said, "if you don't like someone, you don't get together with them." "you don't get together with them then try to change them later". mmm.. i guess u're right to a certain extent. but how do we cope with differences, be it in thoughts or habits or perceptions, that occur over times which we can't really help? it's always a decision only between, its either u change or i change. hmmm. yet, im too ego to say any sorry atm even though im missing u badly.

my personality got to be pretty problematic.

yesterday also, in a chat with an old friend, she said im not an expressive person at all and i might want to do something about it. it kept me thinking the whole day, trying to analyse myself all over again. am i really like that? i read blogs, i don't leave comments. i don't even tell the owners i read them even though they are blogs i frequent. sometimes i seems to know whats going on but i din bother asking or even showing concerns. on msn, i seldom take the initiative to talk to others. even if there're certain people i really wan to talk to, and wan to meet up with, but i just don't take the start. something gotta be really wrong with me. and she said, all these make me seems like a pretty cold person who don't bother and even concern about things going on around me. yeah, i think what she says make sense. on the contrary, all these while i also believe if people don't come and tell me their problems, perhaps they just don;t want me 2 know, so im not gonna ask. if they wan to go out and decided to go without asking me, even though i would really wan to come, ill still not ask about it.

sometimes i do doubt myself if im doing the right things or thinking the right stuffs.

what the....

2008-08-15T03:11:00.016+01:00

seee......

end results of having fren who has nothing better to do in front of computer.

pinkish sheeps adopted from a previous post.

that was a genuine expression taken while watching the Jim Rose Circus. it was sUch a mentally traumatizing show, not gonna blog about it. It's still on show live in the Burgh, half price tickets on sales at Princes St. but really, it isn't very suitable for people with weak heart. blah!

thanks David...

2008-08-11T00:19:00.005+01:00

.... for the gift from Ireland.

yup, the more i look at this bookmark, the more I'm liking this quote.

like how many friends in life can you actually feel comfortable with in perfect silence, and don't find the situation awkward or needing to find something to talk about? =) i guess, only true friends do.

hope your backache, leg ache whatever ache also, will get well soon. haha, too bad that's the price to pay for being our Rambo.

take care there, it was nice seeing you this weekend. =)

Gonna stay here this winter...

2008-08-10T03:19:00.011+01:00

.... partly because of the bloody expensive flight ticket which'd already gone up to 1000pds, thanks to the fuel price hike!

...and partly because of the long awaited ski trip...!!! yeai! =)

it's still a decision between Val d'sere and Tignes, although both sit on the same valley and prices really don't differ much. any thoughts?

pretty eh? =)

gonna sacrifice home in winter for these. seems reasonably worthwhile, well i guess so.

~~~

paintball today is crazily painful and could well be renamed as 'pain ball', and i didn't run alot and stayed mainly behind, but it was still good fun =) get to see lots of people that i don't get to see for quite some times. think 4th yr onwards is gonna be more personal space and also going out a lil more with frens.

3.38am. i think it's time to sleep, another pretty pic for u.

aurora in the northen hemisphere... been dreaming to see it since ages ago, and apparently next year is gonna be the peak year to see it up here in the scotland! fingercrossed. and if that happens... it'll be another tick down for my many childhood dreams. =)

k la... lazy to type dy, night world.

Content days...

2008-08-04T23:35:00.003+01:00

A Happy Summer!

why am i not a man?

2008-08-02T19:24:00.006+01:00

i hate hormones.

med sch might want to hire pms-ing girls to run their communication skill practice workshop.

the whole emotion of feeling all shit and bored to the maxxxxxx with myself.... nothing seems interesting... cannot concentrate.... want to sleep also cannot, feeling very restless, then the next moment when i'm out of the bed, i feel i want to go back and lie down again....

looking at comp screen, listen songs - noisy. watch movie - sienz. msn - no cure. read books - can i throw them away? read blogs - dun wan la... later read emo blogs i get more emo. read happy blogs pulak make myself look so miserably sad...

why la you want to go and sleep and ignore me? don't u know gals pms-ing can get very irritable and very pek cek wan?

mama pulak, wan to call them, they whole family happily drove down south for trips and don't even bother pick up calls. wuhuhuhh......

arghhhhhhhh......!!! hate hormones... hate it hate it.

... tonight's show better cheers me up.

Our last son of Earth

2008-08-02T00:31:00.012+01:00

When we are taught, nothing is impossible, Al-Gore shows us what it really means...

I still can't believe it is true, probably some fiction writers plot la, or could have because Al Gore himself is running out of tactics to persuade the Earthmen to save themselves and the planet, thats why came out with something too dramatic to make us do something!

This what he comes out with,

Send his baby son to outer space in a rocket,

in hope that, someone out there will save him and groom him into a superhero,

and returns to the Earth later on to save all of us.

Further info

can you believe it? sounds so Hollywood right? Too much of americans hollywood poisoning la.

How would parents be able to do such thing? send their newborn far far away, far enough to not be reachable by any human beings.... hoping some new planet aliens can take care of him. God knows they might eat him up!

Does it sound familiar actually? Bet all of us have seen plot like these in one of the Chinese dramas, where mother wraps her baby in a blanket, put him into the river with a basket, let the river takes him to a new family where he can have a better life...

If this is real, Al-Gore! you're the man. hopefully ur newborn will be safe and sound too. I mean, i still cannot cannot imagine sending a vulnerable baby, like how my baby sisters used to look like, so weak, so fragile, into somewhere totally totally NEW and might even end up dying. but again, i'm in no position to judge, it's ur choice. who knows, one day, we might have a superhero returning to save us!

放一颗心

2008-07-31T22:29:00.007+01:00

在医院里，常常会遇见一些老人痴呆症的病人，他们因为生病，记忆会慢慢的一天一天消失。所以，他们常常都会有个习惯，就是把现在所还记得的东西，尽量用笔记下来，以便将来哪天不再记得了，能再翻翻笔记本，把记忆找回来。

而我现在，哈！就和他们很像，很想把很多东西记下来。

和你在一起，最享受的时候，就是坐在你隔壁，什么事也不做，连眼睛也不用动的看着你。看你说话，看你驾车，看你抽烟，看你笑，看你弄我发脾气然后很得意的样子，看你吃东西，看你睡觉，看你，就是看你。

颖婕说每次我和你吵架不开心的时候，我的思考模式就会开始考虑，我们到底是不是不适合，应该要放手吗？而每次我们又都会合好。今天，我又打给了她。她问我，那么多次你都选择了继续，理由是为什么呢？

我想，就是因为，你就是你。有一个这样的你，我不懂要怎么不爱你。

'Let it be' is a wisdom...

2008-07-28T22:51:00.011+01:00

Mood is like the craziest thing human has. One moment, you can be so down, but the next moment, you can simply turn things upside down and be on top of the world again. It seems that we almost certainly cannot choose what to happen next, we can however decide what we want to feel about it. So at the end of the day, being happy or feeling miserable is again, up to our own choice.

I remember someone said before, if you have a problem that is solve-able, then go ahead and think about it and sort it out. But if it cannot be solved atm, well... no point worrying or thinking too much about it, afterall if you can't think of a solution now, there probably isn't any solution available too. So.. no point worrying. I guess it's more of, when the right time comes, you will know what is the right thing to do. well.. so i better remind myself again, worrying is probably just a waste of time! StoP worryinG lah!

.
.
.

Neuro is in its 2nd week now.

some dry jokes for you, i duno if u find them funny, but I certainly do.

in psychiatric ward, we often say, this patient is mental.

but in neuro ward, they often say, this patient is FRONTAL, well... this one, OCCIPITAL... oh that one! she's temporal.

hahahhaa!

im still pretty clueless about how to do a full neuro exam, how to take a history, how to find my tutor who's forever rooting in the theatre yada yada... just to show how lost i'm. nonetheless, me still enjoying every bits of it. funny right? ;)

somehow my ears are better tuned for the scottish accents now. somehow whatever patients say seems to make more sense. and somehow the whole clinical settings with wards and doctors isn't as daunting and depressing as before. good change! i likey!

oh! another random fact, if you happen to watch today's tv programme about sandwiches, I bet you prolly would think twice next time you want to eat a sandwich bought from store.

in this sandwich producing factory, a worker was short of a piece of bread and couldn't find anymore bread to pack up the sandwich, so she turned to her supervisor to ask if they could open a new pack. then, the supervisor just se-lamba went to the bin and digged up a piece of thrown away bread and handed it to the worker and said, "next time shudnt waste like this...."

eeeW!

stephen chow movie meh?

maybe i should turn my morning alarm 10 mins earlier so that I can make myself a sandwich for lunch just before going to wards.

Do you know?

2008-07-28T00:34:00.014+01:00

Making a choice is hard.

To leave a choice made earlier, is even harder.

Familiarity brings security, yet depresses courage.

Ironically, with familiarity and security, it does not always equivalent to compatibility and suitability.

Everything seems to have a price to pay, and to go ahead or opt out, simply depends on whether we can bear the consequences.

A year ago despite many 'no'-s and 'u'll regret'-s, a choice was made - to trust myself and go ahead with the intention of not wanting to have regrets in life. haiz...whoever invented this motivation line, i'm not gonna buy that anymore, guess itll be better sometimes to have some regrets left behind. and sometimes, the harder you want to avoid regrets, the more regrets you're going to create.

and now, a year has gone. I'm too ego to admit defeat. honestly the outcome isn't as expected. It's a time you start to doubt yourself, doubt your choice, should I keep going? or should I just wave the white flag and save the future troubles? and face all the 'I told you so...'-s.

It's a scary feeling, when there're too much stakes being put in, to a point you thought you better don't lose and can't afford to lose anymore, yet the hard cold reality fact just comes and hits right into your face.

so shall more stakes be thrown in to secure a better win; or shall all stakes be let go and lost, and start all over again as soon as possible? My dear Buddha, please grant me the wisdom to make the right decision.

... however one thing for sure, i'm beginning to feel tired with this game.

... not a born tight-rope walker

2008-07-27T21:15:00.008+01:00

There's a fine, fine line
between a lover, and a friend

There's a fine, fine line
between reality, and pretend;

And you never know 'til you reach the top
if it was worth the uphill climb.

There's a fine, fine line
between love, and a waste of time

And there's a fine, fine line
between "you're wonderful" and "goodbye".

And I don't have the time to waste on you anymore.
I don't think that you even know what you're looking for.

For my own sanity
I've got to close the door
And walk away...Oh...

There's a fine, fine line
between together,and not.

And there's a fine, fine line
between what you wanted,and what you got.

You gotta go after the things you want
while you're still in your prime.

There's a fine, fine line
between love, and a waste of time

..... and walking on a fine, fine line is simply too tiring.

Columbia?

2008-07-25T23:21:00.004+01:00

5th year elective application for Columbia Uni in the New York has its deadline coming close very soon. With a form in hand, I'm actually holding back in hesistancy.

Unlike earlier when the form was made available, I was more keen and even got myself a form. Well... that's probably because I haven't been to Borders yet by then... going to a totally stranger place with zero knowledge about it and not knowing anyone from there can be daunting... also, the loneliness that comes in a package. There are people I know who went to the States on their own and live there for months... for people like them, I salute your courage!!

After much thoughts, I still couldn't make up my mind and the more I analyse it, the more it seems there're equal good and bad. see....

The pros:

- it's somewhere I have never been.
- advanced stuffs over there, gonna be a totally different medical experience
- get to tour in the States too. smth i've always wanted to do!

The cons:

- money! have to pay 150 USD application process fees which doesn't guarantee a place. n most people don't get a place in the end...
- scary. living alone? go somewhere so new totally alone? can i cope?
- have to apply so early! elective is only next year Sept. there're probably other nicer places to go which I haven't find out yet.

How??

At the end of the day, it's still the same question,

New York for 5th year electives attachment? Go? Not go?

I'm such an indecisive person.... i know.

Return from MIA

2008-07-22T18:52:00.010+01:00

HELLO!!

... am back! finally can online from home! yah, my new home on the south clerk facing blockbuster videos and the busy street.

it's a nice feeling to online from home. at least dun have to walk all the way to greenfield suite which is 15 mins away just to check an email or to do portfolios. good stuff!

by the way, GP attachment in the Borders had officially ended.... quite sad to leave that place, afterall it was very very enjoyable and nice 3 weeks and a good way to kick off 4th year! can't believe i'm in 4th yr now and still 2 more yrs to go, whilst others of the same age have already graduated or going to grad in no time. anyway, CONGRATS to those newly-grad and gonna join the 9-5 workforce club very soon!

so long never blog already, duno what to say anymore. anyway, internet abstinence was quite good in fact. at least it has been very displicine-ish living everyday. wake up no later than 9, go to bed not later than 12, eat 3 meals a day, don't stuck in the chair for hours and hours, no longer crouch in the sofa to watch never ending series... which makes me feel good with myself! healthy and able to function properly in the day.

somehow 4th yr seems more enjoyable than 3rd yr... am glad i managed to pull through 3rd yr, although it wasn't that great, rather depressing in fact. well, hopefully this year will be a good one. last 2 years was quite an experience, it used to be lotsa of people in the flat (or the flat above) with cookings going on everyday. now, it's more of getting used to live independently and sort things out by myself, even the internet, the phone line and sometimes foods. although it was quite common to hear people saying living overseas will be mostly dealing with loneliness and independence... they weren't felt that strongly somehow for the past 2 years, but now, they are :)

it's a change. a different experience.

so far things are going on well and good. the feeling of going through eveyrday knowing things will be better and are going on the right track is a good feeling.

ohh..! just a random fact, today a neuro guy told us, birds sleep differently from human which make them able to stay awake 24/7. when they go to sleep, they switch one side of their brain off and leave the other side of the brain awake to carry on with acitivities, like maybe fly across the ocean... then when that side feels it has rest enough, it wakes up and let the other side goes to sleep. amazing!~!

loving Borders + gp + new flat

2008-07-06T12:52:00.011+01:00

Earlier on before term begins, there were lots of uncertainties and little bits here & there that kept me worrying...

and now, one week has past, surprisingly everything is actually alright, better than I thought.

Borders isn't as bad, although there're definitely more sheeps and cows I've met than human. it felt like isle of skye to a certain extent, but of course minus the strong wind bit. the 2 hours bus rides down reminds me very much of the movie 'stardust' - the low stone fences, widespread greenness, mild hills with oak trees spreading far out... luckily i'm there in the summer time, if not come to think about living in one whole house with 4 empty rooms by myself without the sun actually set at 11pm is gonna be so scary. my neighbour's kids are my only friends now, the two little girls one named Daisy another one... errm... forgot dy. she's too little to talk la. it's so sweet to come home every evening and see two kids playing around in the garden cycling their mini bike and laughing. now it feels like a real home.

GP practice is in this mini town called Selkirk, which is 20 minutes bus ride away from the borders general hospital accom... and there's only one bus going into Selkirk every hour. so if i miss one, will definitely be running late for the clinics. also without anyone there to wake me up on time, Gee! i'm becoming so disciplined these days ;).

on the 8am bus, i'm always the only passenger and even the bus uncle can recognise me now every morning.

at the back of the gp practice. even at normal lunch time, the street is all quiet without many moving vehicles. yalar what to do, a town with only 5500 inhabitants. I suspect almost everyone in town knows each other.

the road I walk down every evening at 4.30 to take bus back to the Borders GH.

old people here are extremely friendly and this town is really not that busy. only one street has shops and outside the town square, there're only houses seperated by widespread farms.

like this.

moi room in BGH.

everyone in the gp is so far very nice and kind. duno how long my liking for gp can last lah, but things are by far looking good. maybe for medicine, or perhaps also other occupations too, before we can really enjoy it, we just need to learn the rules by hard. in this case, study hard n do portfolios!~

that's all for now, time to leave for borders! adios till next weekend ;)

updates: Matt is coming to Borders this week!! so, no more one person dinner! =)

Lazy to unpack, so blog

2008-07-01T10:12:00.012+01:00

Wokay! back to the Burgh yesterday and not to forget the hectic house shifting and travels Monday! First it was delayed arrivals in Heathrow and then the tortoisely slow custom people that almost caused the miss of Edinburgh flight. then, it was the DELAYED luggage! bah! They just have to delay it when there're so many important stuffs inside. and although BA promised to get it delivered yesterday, they didn't come. so... the consequence: Borders delayed by a day too! haha... that must be a good news! Phoned the clinic manager this morning and told him I can't travel to Borders without my belongings in the delayed luggage and the answer I got was, HAHA, see you tomorrow then! hmm. okayyy.

anyway, so today's schedule: sit in, enjoying the duno who's internet, waiting for luggage to come, packing for Borders, unpacking & organise room. the new room!! =) hehe. it's spacious, big and sunny! loveee it. But the thing is, hafta disassemble an extra bed first. will show the final products when everything is well set. dun wan to go Borders lar, I want to stay in my new room. Bluek.

although just came back yesterday, this morning, automatically already I start looking for winter flight back. actually.... should stay wan lor, never stay here for winter before, always go back, somemore can save money. BUT, home is more tempting! aikz, really expensive lar. haha, I better stop the monologue. see how la. so far the prices are already crazily high with the cheapest being 750 pds and have to transit in Dubai for 24 hours!! hopefully the secret good news come in, then no need to go back also never mind dy. =P

4th year's starting! so fast! hw come I still feel like a fresher?! time to put myself back again to face the upcomings, this year shouldn't skip class or be lazy again. promise. as last year osce/osca was a bad experience, this year have to be real hard work and no more last minute efforts again. =) I hope I can be a good doctor next time. at least won't kill anyone or make things worse. motivation!!

Ahead, the uncertainties

2008-06-28T20:47:00.027+01:00

One month is up, time to pack up and leave again.

Time pass too quick, especially when moods go up and down dramatically like a roller coaster. With the packing and leaving, it makes me feel like a tornado. Swept and destroyed when I came home and now, leaving behind many things in mess before the departure. Life. Makes me hate myself sometimes.

Gotta admit it's the emo-ing right now. Looking back at what happened a week ago in the previous post, things had calmed down a lot since. No, I didn't stay silence throughout. It wasn't easy, even for the first two days. Each times I stole a glimpse at my parents' faces, they looked old and aged. Can't bring myself to hate them, especially they're whom I care so much for and have been taking good care of me for the past 23 years. Conscience blamed me badly.

Life goes on. Scars will heal. Only that it takes time. Thanks for all the concerns. Yah, I feel better now. Actually my parents are still not informed of him yet officially. I didn't tell them anything to bring on the earthquake last week. They were merely speculating and made an early warning. Yup, so it makes things even harder to be brought onto the surface now. But anyway, am not telling yet. At least not when things are so complicated and anger-provoking like now. Perhaps the next holidays - the coming winter or the next summer, see how la.

Leaving is boring. Bah. Can't seems to get enough of everything,

the food,

the companies,

the baby gals,

the homely feel,

and the you. People always say, no separation means no reunion. Nothing is permanent or constant, Buddha said too. Ignore me, I'm just comforting myself and bringing my mind back to the reality and stop living in denial. It's leaving again tomorrow!

Even Roundy and Skinny said they want to kick me into the ocean and let me swim back to Edinburgh by myself after I told them I'm leaving tomorrow. They were somehow frustrated with me and both came up with that solution. hmmm. How can I not miss you my little gals, I'm gonna miss u all... so much so much!

Sun is up dy.... mmmm, manage to stay awake for the night and hopefully can get to sleep soundly on the plane later tonight so I could save the times for adjusting the jetlag problem. For right after I arrive in the burgh on Monday morning, the evening itself will be packing time again to leave for the Borders General Hospital. Gonna camp there for 3 weeks without internet connection but only poor phone reception. Ok, this is new - technology abstinence. Meanwhile I'm worry of living all alone suddenly which is gonna be a big change from the homely home here at the same time excited to find out whats offered there. =) hopefully the GP attachment is good~!

take care everyone, MIA for a week before the weekend comes, and I can return to the Burgh again from the Borders. wish me luck !~ 4th year is starting! =)

----------------
Now playing: Josh Groban - Vincent Stary Stary Night
via FoxyTunes

When the most fearsome thing comes real

2008-06-21T20:25:00.007+01:00

I don’t know what to do… why? Sometimes I wish I’m not born into this family. If given there are so many burdens to carry in exchange for good education, good background, good life, I’d rather I’m someone simple, but having a happy family of which can be supportive of whatever I do and able to share whatever I think. Nobody wants to be rebellious. Who doesn’t want to live happily with parents, having them to be able to talk to and joke with like friends? Because I respect u, my parents. I don’t want to challenge your thinking and behavior of which you’d probably carry with you all your life. I believe there are gaps. Gaps that unfortunately in our typical oriental family, they can’t be talked openly, especially relationship problem. So, you can have your thinking, and I have mine. But we respect each other’s. Those values I carry, those perspectives I have, they might not always be correct, but from my side, I tried, always, I tried to minimize the chances that they might bring shame to you, to our family, to your reputation. You’d probably have no idea of how hard I tried.

A simple sentence as that, “if you continue to be with him, if you choose to marry him, the day you both actually tie the knot will be the day I severe all my ties with you – my daughter”. In simple terms, to disown me. So many things I wish I could clarify so many words I wish I could argue. But they were all held back and sealed tight in my lip. Whenever I think of that line, your harsh cold word make my heart turns icy cold. I don’t know what to do, or what is even do-able. I can only cry. You know what? Those words hurt, very. I can understand everyone has their own view point and use their own rulers to measure the ‘worldly’ right or wrong. But you can’t use your brain to think for others or even make conclusions for them. You can only use your brain to think your own thinking. You can never use your brain to think other’s thinking. From your stand, you do nothing wrong, maybe you thought that guy isn’t suitable for your daughter, if so you certainly have all the rights to deny someone to go along with your daughter. It’s ok. From his viewpoint, he did nothing wrong to be judged this way. He can’t choose his background, his environment and his family. Like how I can’t choose mine. All he can do is to live life as he is, happy and carefree, not offending anyone nor harming anybody. For that, I can assure you he’s a kind soul and a filial son.

Parents raise their kids the way they want them to be, in terms of morale, virtues, personality, and thinking. And most of the times, it isn’t purely a matter of right or wrong, of course la, like which parents will teach their kids the wrong thing, but it’s also a matter of preference. Like how some parents prefer their kids to be an ordinary person living a simple life; on the other hand, there are parents who groom their children in such a way that in future they could help them handle their companies. Things like this. In your eyes, he just isn’t the type you wish your kids will grow up to become. Not because he is wrong or morally strayed. He just isn’t the kind you will prefer.

And now, because of your words, I’m still crying. Really, not because I so want to be with him that I feel too upset having us being separated by my own parents. That’s a later thought, not now. The thing I care the most is, how can you say words like these, you know how hurtful these words are when it come from someone I respect so much all along and misses so badly when I was away from home; and the reasons for such harsh words to be said didn’t even come close to something so wrongly done. I believe choosing to be with someone we feel comfortable and happy with isn’t a crime. It doesn’t need to be punished this way. Come to say about that, shouldn’t you understand him properly first? Your words came as a shock, to both of us. We have no idea who makes you all think he’s so bad, so bad that as if he was a once rapist and gonna abduct your daughter to elope anytime. He was once your student. You’d probably heard of his family background. Yah, not so educated. That’s all. Gangster or not? Loanshark or not? Chop people or not? that one I don’t know lar. So far none to my knowledge la. Even gangster also, so what? Loanshark? If it’s real, that one also people’s preference la, choice of job, not everyone can control. But if kill people, should be in jail already kot. If those of your impressions about him were from someone else, then I wonder who that person could be. But if such people do exist, whoever you are, mind your tongue! Rumors like these you spread during your free times, can bring so much disaster to people’s family, like now.

Back to the basic. To be honest, you’d probably didn't realise, in fact up to this point, I’ve no idea yet who would end up being the lifelong partner. Many things in life need to be proven by time, including people, and I thought it’s too early to make conclusion at this point. No matter you know it or not, studies are still my utmost priority now. How to be a good doctor is my foremost concern. Also, there is still a long long way to go, before I achieve what I want and become who I want to be. Instead of sharing my dreams, understanding my thoughts, you – my family my parents, you all chose to say something so heart aching and to bother so much of all these side issues, which ends up with nothing but a deep scar carved between us. Not worth it. Seriously.

Silence is the best way to solve conflict. If given it was 8 years ago, I would have shouted and argued back bitterly, and that given my freedom I’ve today, I might runaway from home. But no, not something I’ll do. Although they did come across my mind earlier on when I first started crying. From now on till I return to the Burgh, silence is probably the best thing to do, at least to avoid quarrels and arguments. It’s also time to think, if he’s worth all these efforts or can we actually pull through these obstacles if we’re really meant to be together in the end.

Parents always have their points, at least I need to prove it myself whether those points are right or wrong. However, if I really want things tp go on, I’ll do it a sensible way, by finding myself a solid concrete ground that I could stand on and reason things out properly, to convince you he isn’t a bad choice after all.

hahaha

2008-06-13T01:20:00.003+01:00

This might be a bit outdated.

but hahaha.

enjoy!

what else is better than these

2008-06-11T00:20:00.006+01:00

holidays. gals talk. doll up.

;) ;) ;)

Blogging from 16th floors above the ground

2008-06-06T14:07:00.003+01:00

Sometimes I wonder if

I should really quit medicine and go do something else.

Meet the two little sweeties

2008-06-03T18:51:00.012+01:00

You know in hk dramas, whenever they want to cerita about the main character's childhood, they'll always show a young kid,

then with the subtitles 5 or 10 years later...

we'll then see the grown up products.

Each time home, seeing how much these two little babies grow, is like any of those fast forward episodes.

Roundy came to me after she'd her teeth brushed.

always insist she wants to be Fa Mulan.

ask her read story book, she go and do stunt with the book.

Skinny wanna be samseng, face so fierce everytime she got out from bed.

then smile without her 3 teeth.

if you ask her why, she would tell you they got knocked down by Roundy's super hard head when they were playing chasing games long long time ago.

ownself eat too much chocolates dun wan to admit.

the very manja Roundy, like a cat.

Nothing beats a good breakfast

2008-06-02T03:09:00.029+01:00

Back to those school days when I was little, eating breakfast really isn't a habit. The most I could swallow every morning was none other than liquid foods like oats or 2 semi-solid half-boiled eggs. That's also when I got told by my mum if I take no more than 2 eggs per day, cholesterol won't be something to be worried about, besides it also gives protein to build good brain.

Sunrise in Brussels

This 'eating liquidified breakfast' habit... sounds like dysphagia to me now though... hmm... had not change until college years in KDU, where no one'll made me breakfast of my likings in the morning anymore. Therefore, foods in college canteen like fried mee, keow teoy, nasi lemak had slowly transformed me into eating solid breakfast.

Whereas in uni days, breakfast isn't something that trouble me too much, because either I've no time to eat at all or I'll just wake up in the noon and have lunch straight.

Muffin sitting on my laptop desk

Recently... I'd developed a strange habit of eating breakfast of which I guess has very much to do with the early morning sunrise at 4 or 5am in the Burgh that made me unable to stay in bed as long as I used to. Unlike back home where breakfast is as simple as a car ride away, making breakfast to feed myself and sometimes Matt had since become something new...

Baked potato. Simple, easy, nutritious!

throw into oven, wait for 1 hour, take out, cut and top with tuna mayo - one of the easiest choices during exam days!

hmmm... and once in a while, plate would be sacrificed.

due to my poor physics knowledge, after this plate got took out from the oven together with the potatos, immediately I run it under cold water. see! the next moment, it just broke into several pieces. scary.

the next commonest Teviot breakfast - Fusilli or the 'screw pasta', also Matt's all times favourite. Our flat used to store the biggest fusilli packs that Tesco sells, the 3kgs per pack ones. hmm... abit too ganas.

However, still nothing beats the forever love!

Char Kuey!

hoho, finally get to eat it after such a long while!

but the things that matter most was, it came with a dad's efforts of sayanging her daughter. Because of jetlag, I'd been staying up since 2am this morning. and Dad, has a tuition class to run later in the morning, purposely got up earlier than usual, took his motorbike out and came back with this pack of my favouritous char kuey and told me to go to bed after I ate them

=) =) =)

Gotta say it's always good to be at home ;)

Fun fun ridé.... of life surprises!

2008-05-31T21:27:00.018+01:00

Last plane ride home, it took 9 hours to transit in Dubai., and it was also when I came to know this sweet chinese-malay mixed gal. so much thanks to her, if not 9 hours of plain waiting would probably kill me!

today... 6 months later, it was another plane ride home. after such a long long strenuous time in the Burghhh, having to sleep eat breathe davidson for so long. thank god it's all over. pass or fail? mmm... no comment, just gotta wait till Monday and see. fingercrossed!

... just got down from plane not long ago. still jetlagging...that's also the reason why bed isn't owning me now.

also another thing... got something quite random to share! ;) ;) ;)

this time around, instead of sweet pretty lady in Dubai, it was a cool cute guy in Heathrow today! haha. probably it was a good rewards god gave after I'd myself crying so badly the day before, after coming out from the Osca exams. if you duno wat osca is, go to this angchoonseong.blogspot.com, that guy'd came up with some brainy definitions for it, go n have a good laugh!

so... it was a fun fun ride... hehe...from sitting on the terminal transit bus, to custom scans, to border control, to the boarding gates... talk that lasted for almost an hour was a good time, with someone so nice to look at, so filled with spontaneous humors and so intellectual or perhaps crappily philosophical at the same time... how i wish the transit time was longer. =P

he's definitely one very random fella and blur at the same time. duno why, from the beginning of the conversation, he ownself assumed i'm a sporean like him. so he went on talking about their local hangout places, their local foods, their NS army experience, his fun times in Switzerland high school, stupid jay chow karaoke sessions in st. andrews with his bunch of chinese speaking frens... etc etc. I was simply in awe all the time, considering we're strangers to each other, yet he just talk and share so much, as if we're old kindy frens who haven't been seeing each other for the past 10 yrs!!

I used to think good looking guys are more reserved, erm...more of the type waiting for people to approach them, unless the gal is much hotter than average, worth of his ego-let-going. hmmm... seems like this guy proves otherwise. not sure it's because of his angmoh-nized attitude having to grow up in Switz during his teen age or he's just generally very friendly, funny and humble, oR OR... neither that, he's a GAY! hahahha... *laugh till roll off chair n climb back again*

duno y... he sort of reminds me of those ABCs we always see in HK dramas, you know that type, after living abroad for so long, come home for a hols with the angmoh types of straightforward yet kind n helpful attitude.. keen to talk to people around. haha!

of all the conversations, I thought the best part was.... like all other Sporeans, he tried to tell me that JB is a very dodgy place to go and always filled with robbers and kidnappers, so better avoid it during my hols stay... moreover johor in general a not very good place to live in. (still happily assuming I'm sporean.. haha!)

and soon after that, before we board onto seperate planes leaving for Sg, he then found out my flight was connecting in Sg to KL... then realised I'm actually a MALAYSIAN living in the dodgy Johor... then u can imagine his reaction.... blur+innocent+sorry...hahahaha! very cute though.

all in all... very interesting.... very random... very amusing! life's full of surprises! whoever you're (din quite get his name)... nice talking to you, have a good summer hols! take care. xxx

你会爱上这里！

2008-05-28T02:58:00.018+01:00

Beijing's Official Olympic MV.

nice song! me likey!

oh oh!! don't forget to keep an eye for hot eye candies! like... Lee Hom (look at his smile at the camera.... and that heart felt sign, awww... my heart melts too! :) ), He Run Dong (hotness!), Zoe Yung (din realise she can look so preettay lar!), Nicholas Tse (still very good looking after Mrs. Tse's scandal, =D), Karen Mok (sexy!), Sun YanZi (sweett! ei yingjie: look like u lar. XD).

haha. that's probably enough of the bimbotic me.

the MAN in my life had been talking about visiting China for as long as i can remember, too bad work had always been too busy. never mind... pa, since you now retired already, let's go!

May everything go well and all the best for ALL of us ---> Osce tmr!!

night world!~ ;)

Untitled

2008-05-27T14:33:00.003+01:00

Kill me pls.

Just take a knife and kill me.

for someone as failure-to-prioritise as me, for sure I deserve a big stab.

How lar? Osce's gonna be tomorrow, but still.... the urgent and emergency mode hasn't been turned on yet.

for one moment, my instinct told me, hey, Cardio: those valves, murmurs, IE, ... that time exams you skipped and din study wan leh. better go read up. oh, okie! then read read read, half way, see the word pulmonary hypertension... ah! maybe I should read about Respi too...COPD, astham, PE, how to treat leh?

then on i go, flipping to respi pages... read read read... ei?? got so many bacterias nv learn b4 wan... ok, nvm. lets do some drugs and microbiology. hmm. this one have to sit in front of laptop and read online Edrug page.

Read read read --> msn --> read blogs --> sembang sembang --> read some news...

ARghh!! like that how can??

come on nana hey, you need to read book okayyyyy!

defib defib...they say sure come out wan. ok, i'm going to read that and not get distracted anymore. gO gO GO!

Exam Emo

2008-05-25T23:01:00.020+01:00

You know how sometimes when you try to talk,

your presence is being disregarded totally as if you're indifferent from the bacterias in the air...

and your words just vanish into the air and get no response at all...

and... what if things like these repeat itself over and over again?

well. just like what Adelynn said,

"that kind of thing sorts of makes you feel so disconnected from the other person, and then you slowly learn to live your live independent of them. and that person's presence, it becomes merely a physical presence."

.... so well said, couldn't agree more.

yah in fact, your presence too, will become just another physical presence to them, or maybe that was already the case.

perhaps initially when things begin to turn this way, you would still take initiative to work things out, with the intention that maybe it's fault at your own part. But what if attempts made again and again, with hopes that'd always been greeted with disappointments... until one point, you begin to realise not living like your own self, just isn't worth the effort anymore.

... although deep inside, you'd probably still wish things could be indifferent from the good old days...

so you begin to turn yourself away. distance begin to form. or when there are circumstances where avoidance is simply impossible, keeping silence is the best way out... in order to minimize the 'stupid' feelings you might get in return whenever you try to talk.

it's sad to gradually see people who used to be close, no longer share their grandmother stories, laugh together, or ermm.... even talk normally. and things they do, would begin to appear incomprehensible to you, as well as vice versa.

well.... hmmm. a different side of life I gotta learn to accept.

.... back to my Mr. Davidson.

Wish Me Luck!

2008-05-23T20:48:00.014+01:00

GI is OVER!~

Yes, it's such a celebrate-able day!

...... only if 4 days later, we don't have 2 more MAJOR MAJOR FINALS coming.

Next up:

Wed -OSCE --------->

Thurs - OSCA! --------------------------->

OSCE have to examine patients, talk properly to them, take blood, check glucose, do iv drip bla bla bla... certainly under-prepared... I still pray hard I don't screw up big time.

whereas OSCA - the killer one! I heard it's 200 computer generated questions that we've to put in our judgement within 90 minutes. No comment since this is gonna be first time experience.

Immunity is definitely growing stronger in me than ever where I've reached a point, fear doesn't work on me anymore. At times like this, when serious serious revision's needed, I can easily sit back, relax, watch tvb, chatting, cooking and do all the irrelevant stuff, as long as they've got nothing to do with books.

so folks, don't you just have to wish me luck ;)

and I'm now 40 pounds richer... ;) ;)

2008-05-21T21:09:00.020+01:00

Reminder: Bimbotic post ahead

I'm such a hypocrite!

Despite the earlier promise that the dress with the higher votes will be worn to the wedding, guess what I did today...

I'd returned the No.2.

To be frank, I love that piece to bits. Yet, sadly it doesn't appear nice on me anymore, as compared to the first one, when I pulled it on today for one last time before decision had to be made. I looked so much like a pear in it, with extremely hypertrophied gluteus muscles and prominently protruding anterior superior iliac spine.

Seriously I think, prolonged sitting in chair is the main culprit! Nowadays sleep eat breathe all Davidson. Haven't grown roots onto chair only. And for that, butt muscles get compressed continuously and eventually grow sideward, rendering the widened hip appearance. Just exactly a pear. How sad. >.<

Oh and and! did I mention that when I went on Princes St to refund the dress, in return I saw so so so many nice dresses. Hoho. thank god I didn't spend unneccessarily, although they were VERY tempting!

okay okay, back to study~~ and THANKS for all the votes, u kind caring frens! =D

May we pass all the exams and do well n dun have to glue to chairs anymore!

KUDOS to all MaMas~~

2008-05-18T16:18:00.017+01:00

As usual, over the phone, Mama was telling me her 'picks of the day' from the local newspaper she read...

that's why sometimes news back home like, who got raped lah, which shop kena burglary lah, which healthy food is recommended by some professors lah, I can still know.

There's always something weird about mother's thinkings. For some reasons, they will always think that whatever being reported in the paper, someday the same thing will happen to their children too. Thats why even though I'm technically a thousand miles away, if SinChew Daily reported on some ladies' bags got snatched by mat rempits, I'll still get warnings like, "Don't carry handbag go out okay?" "Beware of motorbikers hor!", "Don't walk on street alone har". That's mum.

Today, something she mentioned caught my attention. Right after put down the phone, immediately I went google for pictures.

and so far I've only got these two.

See that baby in the picture? This 13-day-old baby girl, was rescued from the recent China earthquake, 5 days after the shock.

When the troops found her, she laid quietly in her mother's chest and was sucking milk from the breast of the deceased mum.

According to the troops, her mum - this very young lady was found lifeless carrying the baby with both hands and head looking downwards. Her blouse was lifted and she was breastfeeding her baby, which later on allowed the prolonged 5 days survival of the baby without any starvation.

They also said that, from her curled body position, she was believed to be deliberately shielding the baby from the strong force of the quake.

When this babygirl was taken away from her mum's deadbody, she started crying badly.

This gynaecologist, who's a volunteer worker at the site, couldn't hold back her tears when she saw the shocking scene. A dead mother breastfeeding her child in the midst of the collapsed bricks. In other words, a grey deadbody and a pink healthy baby.

She said it was hard to imagine, at the very last moment of life, a mother reacted in such a way to protect her baby, by putting her nipple into her baby's mouth, with the hope that her babygirl can survive.

~~~

My mum's comment was that she could totally understand what the mother did before her death. She said, when one becomes a mother, whatever things happen, the first thing that come through is always their children. then she continued, "haiyah, you all won't understand wan lar! next time when you become mother then you know."

Adjusting template is such a big deal...

2008-05-16T15:26:00.016+01:00

A pinch of humour to spice up your daily routine.....

Poster in skin cancer clinic at Western GH.

In the library toilet

~~~~~

Since the mentally strenous bedside teaching yesterday, I came home with an extremely worn out self, sat in front of laptop, tried to not sleep so that my sleeping hours don't get screwed up at this CRITICAL time. It's exam again. In 7 days time.

This time really no play play. FAIL? easy peasy, come back resit only loh! But the main problem is we've only got 28 days summer holiday. I really don't want to fly back at the 14th day to resit, and spend the another 14 days holidays alone in this place, without mama's cooking, baby sistas laughters and ikan bakar, fried sotong, mee hun kuey...etc.

Okay, so where was I?

Oh ya, staying awake! So I decided to do something new to my blog! haha. Thought it'll be interesting. ALways see people's blog, got chatbox la, emoticons la, pretty skin la, look so nice! Without any HTML knowledge to begin with, I decided to change Faraway's template. Poor blog. Ever since it was born back in April 2006 out of keboringan, the pinky whitish skin had been stucked there for ever.

Choose template, 1 hour gone. Decide colour codes, another 1 hour gone. Then it was the header uploading bit. Alamak. Headache. Trust me, no fun at all, just to get the correct size to fit nicely into the header column. Somemore this original picture is vertically orientated. Grr! Luckily in the end it all works, if not I might go out and kill someone.

When eveyrthing is set, the last thing was to adjust the margin, spacing and the arrangement.

How ar? Content width too narrow? White margin too little? Sidebar over-streched? Too textbook-ish? .... blah bla bla.

From now on, whenever I see nice blogskin or template, I would know this definitely don't come easily. How these people can be so good in doing html stuffs hor? Ganas.

In total, a grand 5 hours was spent doing this new layout! Hoho. Good way to waste time.

how are you today?

2008-05-15T16:29:00.028+01:00

Lack of sleep can make mind goes crazy.

This morning I had to jump off bed at 7.30am to catch the 9am bedside teaching. Nowadays my sleep has not been terribly well. Early morning 6am sun is happily up. By 7am, it can be as bright as 12pm back home already. damn crazy.

So this post is indeed nothing more than a normal day rant. how contradicting i am right? just yesterday i mentioned not going to grumble anymore, but haiyah, wateva lah. too exhausted d.

We had the LoOOngest bedside teaching today, 9am to 2pm. where got so hardworking punya tutor wan. Each person do one history taking, one clinical examination on 2 different patients, 3 of us in the group so in total we had 6 patients encounter in a roll. faint.

first aunty was alright, she's chatty and bubbly. so that's ok.

second aunty was very obese and difficult to examine. not like trying to discriminate. but how to roll her and make sure she dont fall out from the bed la, then hwo to check for abdomen mass when my fingers cannot even press all the way down to penetrate the fats. so that was a bit of hassle.

oh ya, did i introduce before my cute GI surgeon tutor? err, not exactly the cutey sweetie looking type la. he's from Jamaica. Very tall, very thin, look very intelligent yet humble. haha. good motivation to go teachings.

although tutor good looking, sometimes sleepiness can surpass eveyrthing. really too tired to focus. of course la, like who can focus for 5 hours session non stop?? only crazy surgeons have this kind of mental strength.

Tutorial finished, missed free bus also. sienz~~ Matt and I went to clinical skills center and started practicing blood taking and cannulation just to waste some times. then mana tau, do, do, do, missed another free bus. fyi, free buses come every 40 minutes. so, arghhhh!!! another 40 minutes to go. what to do? do other stuffs lor.

such as back side examination on dummy. dun imagine that, yes, it is what you are thinking, put a finger into anus and feel for stuffs. thats waht doctors need to do. actually... quite geli also lor.

then... finally, home noW! on the free bus, Matt being an all time A student, was talking about specialties he wants to go into in the future. GP? Elderly Medicine? Cardio? Surgical?

being extremely exhausted, I uttered...

'i'm not thinking that far. i only want a bed, a duvet and a bowl of warm soup.'

okay, that's enough for today. lala-land time. Night, world!~

Mayday - 小太阳

2008-05-14T04:13:00.042+01:00

Prenote: I'm sure you've seen the images of devastation (photos may be overwhelming) caused by the Cyclone Nargis in Burma. Winds and waves have killed ten of thousands of people. Those that survived were left with no clean safe drinking water to live on and water-borne diseases are at high risk of outbreak. Saving life is as simple as giving them clean water to drink. Whitefoxy is neither a public nor a public blog. Today a letter came in post and enlightened me on some interesting facts, about the GBP we're spending here.

Do you know? £20 could buy 15 blankets to keep babies and toddlers warm; £33 could buy 3000 water purification tablets each treating 200 litres of water; £56 could provide a family water kit for 10 families... and so on. If you are able to help, visit UNICEF here and give them as much as you can.

May all being be free from suffering.

原来五月天的作品都很不错。尤其这个在云南拍的mv，很漂亮。看来将来有空还要到这个地方去一趟。那样的石板路，那样的恬适乡居，都是我从小就一直很喜欢的地方。其实这也是当初选到苏格兰来读书的其中一个理由，贪这里够乡下够朴素，和书里常常浮现的那种隐居山水的田园生活还有几分相似。看来我还真不是个都市新人类！

也在今天，和mv里同样的地方，却又是完全另外一回事。看来云南得有一阵子不能再那么悠哉的‘迎客’了。今天，又是一场天灾。中国地震，成都为震央，几千个人死了。才刚刚前几天缅甸刮大风，一下子也带走了上万人。最近都是这样，无端端地球发一下脾气，就得有很多人陪葬。今年真不平安。我不能做什么，但愿世间众生都能远离灾难，一切平安。

这阵子都忙到不行，天天上课温书，也没什么时间上网和写blog。虽然天天都忙，却感觉很充实。原来一样的人事物，换一种心情，就是不一样的风景。看来往外求来的快乐都不长久又累人；心里的一份安稳才是踏实。就像今天在诊所里看见的一个老伯伯，还没进来时，他的医生看了他那份厚厚的病历表，就和我摇头，差一点就能当我们书本里的‘人肉教材’了，几乎我们书里有的毛病他都有了，（对了，最近在读肠胃科，气味都不是很好）是个60岁的老人。我就坐在诊室里等他进来。等了一分钟，可是都没人影。那地方真的不大，病人走进来都不用超过二十步。结果就走了出去探头看看。只见一个不是很瘦，双手都拿着拐杖的老人，一步一步很慢的走来。旁边陪着他的是他太太，很有耐心，一直陪着他的脚步。真的很慢。现在的人都很少有这样的耐心的了。电话一接通不是急着说halo, 就是绿灯一亮就急着踩油门。这样的慢动作除了电影里面生离死别的话画面之外，现实生活中还真是罕见。

最难得的是，我本来想象这病人行动这么不方便再加上那么多的病痛，身体不舒服也很应该，当他好不容易走了进来坐稳了，和我打个照面时，却发现他的面容竟然是多么的从容，释然。他对我问个好，轻轻的微笑说你也需要学习对吗，希望我帮得到你。坦白说，这样的表情，我还真的极其少见。那和一般人的镇定冷静不一样！显然这是另一种层次了。平时生活中要有一点不舒服不顺心，就得开始抱怨不开心了。和这个老人比起来，简直好惭愧！他的大肠已经全部被切除，不再需要像正常人一样去上厕所。吃的喝的都从肚子上开的一个洞孔流进一个塑胶袋中，而这袋子一旦满了，就得清除换个新的。肚皮上看得见一部分的小肠口，被导入袋里。再加上全身神经逐步僵硬造成行动越来越不方便，真的，人真的不该受这样的痛苦。

复诊过程很短，只有五分钟。其中医生对他说的话，他都很认真的听，听完后也没急着回答，总是思考了一阵子后才缓缓的道出自己的意见，大多数都是认同和谢谢的话。过后，他又在结束后慢慢的走出去，这次我并没有急着什么，只是跟在两夫妻的后面，慢慢的把他们送到门口然后说谢谢。

看来有空时，我还得学学怎么用一分钟走平常的二十步。也不知道要到什么时候才能练到像他那样从容的功力。不然谁有空时也来试试吧 =D

Happy-fied

2008-05-07T23:46:00.014+01:00

Hey! The sun is OUT!~~~

check this out:

cherry blossom along the meadows

(btw, is that similiar to sakuras in japan? can someone tell me?)

and....what's more...

'a pair of slipper, a shorts and a casual t-shirt' are all it takes to walk you out from the flat!

time to keep away all the thick-heavy-winter-coats in cupboard and don't bother using them till the next season.

=) =) =)

this place can finally feel like home. just like our Malaysia. =) for once, i don't feel like rushing home like mad to avoid the cold windy weather here where everyone looks so monochromous in heavy coats of either black, white or grey, walking with heads buried deep in collars to avoid the strong harsh wind.

Spring is in the air...lah lah lah~~

haha, i've prob gone too high already, not bcoz of alcohol, but SUN!

yah, so winter depression syndrome is real. and sunshine, on the other hand brings ...

SMILE.

If you have 2 minutes to spare...

2008-04-24T22:16:00.018+01:00

Reminder: Bimbotic post ahead.

I can't solve this myself. =(

It took me 40 minutes today in Jane Norman's changing room, to decide on which dress to get for a family wedding banquet back in Singapore this summer. And the salesgirl, ~~wanted to go home early~~ being extremely kind, asked me to bring both pieces home and slowly think over it within the next 28 days, then return the unwanted piece later, as long as everything is still intact.

Yah so now, I've got another issue to worry for within this 28 days.

Anyway, CONGRATS to the eldest grandchild of the Hey's family for the wedding! =) =)

Reasons for the dilemma:

Dress No.1:

Dress No.2:

How many times can one be massively let down in a day?

2008-04-23T02:19:00.018+01:00

Our ideal flat is GONE! What a great defeat. Can you imagine when we were about to go withdraw £1100 deposit for the landlord from the nearest atm, the previous viewing bunch that left just 10 minutes ago had returned with their cheque books in hands. =_=

Sigh, speaking of 'Kiasu-ness' of the angmohs.

Lesson learnt: 'Rules for flat-viewing #101' -- NEVER forget your cheque book.

Another woe of the day: after so much anticipation and planning for the trip to the 'world-top 3-prettiest-diving-island' - Sipadan, sad to say, it has to be called off. Airasia will be laughing their way to the bank for idiots like us, to have all the flights booked and paid for already, yet has decided to miss them intentionally. Disappointment to the max.

If you were to wonder why, the reason behind is simply psychogenic. Someone from our travelteam had repeatedly dreamt of herself died from diving in Sipadan, for a few nights recently. So, she decided to pull out. Well, what can we say right? It isn't like we are supertitious or what, (since people always say if it's a bad dream, after you mention it to someone else, it is unlikely to come true), the fact has that it's still not a good omen afterall. well, *shrug shrug* What to do? Better believe lor.

..... so, no more turtles and nemos this summer >_<

Term starts once again

2008-04-13T23:10:00.022+01:00

Laundries put into washing machines, clothes hanged into wardrobe,

nails cut, study table tidied up.....

.........signs that things are going to start afresh SOON!~~

Holidays has officially come to an end! 9 days trip away was a happy experience! BIG thanks to those that kept me in company, you know who you are. =D Familiarity definitely breeds depression. By getting away, world seems so big suddenly, okay, this might sound very cliche. But if u live in Edinburgh, I suppose you know what it means.

Boy arranging his collections. A random shot from Sunday park in Madrid.

although what ensued after the trip was nothing less than absolute boredom with almost zero human contacts for a week or more and basically Crunchyroll kept me alive. Pathetic right? That's life overseas. in case you thought life here must have been so colorful based on the holidays pics. Actually, those were only the 9-10 days out of the 365 lah!~

Sometimes, I wish I'm a kid again.

~taken by a friend in Aus when he was jogging in a park.

ok lah, shouldn't sound so emo at the verge of starting a new term tomorrow. =D Apparently 'that which does not kill us makes us stronger.' ~ Nietzsche said. Our emotions are the only all time big killer. 'Choices are always up to us and we choose how we feel most of the time.' ~ my philosophical housemate said.

again by that Aus friend before his Psychiatry exams, Delirium in background.

So, tomorrow is a NEW start! 4 more weeks to Portfolio stress, 6 more weeks to end-of-module exam, 7 more weeks to final OSCE and OSCA, 8 more weeks to home, and what's more, 10 more weeks to diving in Sipadan!!!

that explains why I got so bankrupt after the recent Spain trip, hehe.

Get going, go gO GO!

you hear the battle drum already?

p/s: Madrid post will be up soon, hopefully, if the GI-module tutor I'm meeting tomorrow isn't too hardcore. =)

Barc Barca Barcelona!

2008-04-09T23:45:00.047+01:00

Warning: Again, not recommended for the busy or impatience.

Highly recommended for those feeling hungry or extremely bored. Peepz, ready for another marathon?

So, it has been 5 days since the last travel post. Many thanks to the compliments! be it on the blog itself or over the msn. =) at least my 5 hours of hard work wasn't completely ignored and I can self-comfort that my existence can still bring a wee smile to some people.

I appreciate them alot! Thanks. ^_^

Big toast to everyone!

Had a good Easter holiday?

Speaking of existence, for the past 4 days I'd been living alone in the house with almost zero human contacts. I actually started packing bag for home which is like 7 weeks away. David said I'd gone crazy. Maybe lor. I thought that is something can at least make me happy and self entertained. A small room isn't a good idea. Gotta get a bigger one next year, hopefully.

okok, back to Barcelona! Gotta write these experiences all down before Gastrointestinal knowledge actually displace them. Bah.

Yeah. So, we flew to this lovely sunny Spain from the freezing windy Prague! Thank god. That day itself actually brightened up all 3 of us, after the much depressing 4 days in Prague. And what is more, we were joined by another buddy from Newcastle!

See, who's here? That's Cheng Guang officially taking over Matt's job as a map-reader and location-finder. Matt apparently very gratified-looking.

How can one not smile with this kind of weather lar? ^_^ and see the crowd in the background, the whole city is ALIVE! hehe, so were we.

Matt always has this very kind samaritan look that attracts people to approach him asking for directions. See....

Case No. 1

Case No. 2

and the other 3 of us, being very kindhearted too, decided to recruit these easily sesat people into our travel group.

Presenting you another 2 travelmates, Axxu and Choy Wan.

haha, no idea who took this picture. their expression so funny, really look abit lost.

Okay, so there were 6 of us in complete set already. Out we went, to venture into Barcelona, the brilliant city of Catalonia. I somehow make it sound like a pokemon mission, recruiting people and continuing journey, haha.

If no one tells me this is one of the Gaudi's ~~crazy~~ masterpiece architecture, I would have thought it's a Palace where the east-sea-dragon-king live undersea with his crabs and sotong armies.

It's weird that despite the world often associate Barcelona with Spain, however that was not quite the case in the place itself. Surprisingly, they are very independent at identity from Spain in general. Instead of Spanish, people here predominantly speak their own language, Catalan which is a mixed form of Spanish and French, and called themselves Catalonian instead of Spanish, very much because of it being geographically close to France as well as its wealth. This region is the richest in Spain.

Uniqueness of this city - The balconies. Luckily we brought an architect along. Axxu told us in Barcelona, buildings' facades emphasize alot on the balconies and they like to play with different types of designs.

Other than Lonely Planet, another Barcelona Trip Must-Bring: An architect.

If it weren't because of one man, Barcelona wouldn't be worldly famous like now. Gaudi is the soul of this city.

Hence need no say, our mission here is to visit as many of his works as possible. Here are a few we went during the 1.5 days stay,

La Pededra

A house built for a very rich man. The special thing about this house is that, you can never find a straight line in it.

Seems like everything is built in curved lines, even its furnitures are all in wavy shapes. None of the patterns or designs in this house are repeated, see the pillars?

I suspect Gaudi's ulterior motive was to drive this whole family mad!

even their worker here was abit crazy too.

and this thing! having a hole on bedroom's rooftop where starry nights can be seen from bed, used to be one of my childhood dreams, I'm not joking! but I thought no one will ever built it out. Can't believe Gaudi designed it as the house's living room!

so, It is POSSIBLE!!!

Laughing Fatso

Ultraman, Laughing Fatso, other Ultramans

By the way, those are the chimneys of that house.

Everyone went mad after visiting this house. One wanted to plant a bomb. The other one wanted to be a pig.

Getting tired of reading already?

How about a cup of coffee with milk?

Here in Barcelona, if you want a cup of normal coffee, always remember to tell them with milk. If not, you are highly likely to be served a cup of Espresso, that's what they meant by coffee.

Had a good coffee break?

~~~

next one coming... hehe.

La Sagrada Familia

Gaudi died in an accident while building this Sagrada which he dedicated to God.

He got banged down by a vehicle and no one on the street actually bothered to send him to hospital for they thought he was merely a beggar, of which we believed very much attributed to those typical artists' artistic appearance, you know those ragged clothes, long hair and untrimmed beard.

He was left struggling on the street until a friend of his passed by and was able to recognise him and wanted to send him to hospital. Guess what was Gaudi's response? Disappointed, he refused asking his friend to let him died as a poor like what he was perceived as.

Boyband album cover

There are a few versions about Antoni Gaudi's death that I'd heard. This is the most interesting one I thought. So, don't take this seriously. =)

Interior. Ceiling inspired by sunflower.

This Gaudi, sees design inpiration from every corner of the surrounding nature.

"Trees outside my room are my best teacher", he said. I thought the Sagrada behind me looked like a forest with many leaves hanging on it even before I read that sentence of his.

Park Guell

Barcelona is in Europe. Strangely, here in Park Guell, cactuses are everywhere and sand lies all over. If you were to take pictures here and tell people you're in Dubai, I don't think people will actually doubt you.

Cheng Guang and his forever upright image. =)

As Barcelona is a warm country in Europe with quite heavy rainfall throughout the year, Gaudi came up with this brilliant idea!

The ground where people are walking on, serves as a water reservoir whenever it rains and the water contained in it will flow downhill through the many in-built pipes and ...

eventually come out from this Biawak's mouth as a small waterfall. The water will then nourished the ground underneath, keeping the park on the hilltop safe without landslides.

Loving couple

GROUPIES!

errr...David, what you doing with my handbag?

How can we forget the extra one round ride back to the park again after we missed the stop in the city centre? haha. The bus driver looked at us one kind. Yet, we were all too tired to bother. Classic!

Seriously, I think this David deserves the 'Best Poser' award already. Every trip, he will definitely come up with some creative yet funny poses.

Pasar

Next up is the wet market - pasar. But, wait a minute,

no pasar?

Here you can find various types of seafoods, veges, fruits, meat, etc.

I shall save my words and give your eyes a big feast!

Cow's stomach

海胆

Balitong

Unknown. But trust me, very geli! Have no idea how people put such things into mouth.

Jamon

Ain't bunny cute?

Nah! Bunny.

Oh yah, We found out it was CG's birthday on our first night in Barcelona. Enjoy!

~~~~~

Congratulation! You have reached the end of this Barcelona post! You definitely deserve a big treat! Hereby presenting you the squid-ink Paella with mixed seafood. Bon apetit. =)

US!

(p/s: I must clarify. I didn't make that fella cry ok. Everyone was busy posing despite the baby crying so badly lar, I was trying to calm her down. I'm serious...)